How much will 90 glorious minutes in the tub cost? Come find out!

Kelly Slater’s Abu Dhabi Surf Ranch has had quite the run, lately, as far as newsworthiness goes. The gleaming new facility, largest Kelly Slater Surf Ranch in the world, conjured into existence via the hands of “aggressively-priced” Pakistani workers is stunning by any measure. The World Surf League was so moved that it added Abu Dhabi as the second stop on the 2025 Championship Tour leading Mikey Wright, once recipient of many World Surf League Championship Tour wildcards, to become angry on behalf of his sister Tyler.

The United Arab Emirates where Abu Dhabi finds itself is not as progressive as some European states, you see, and Mikey wondered if Tyler’s open bisexuality, being married to a woman etc., might get her into capital trouble.

“You have no business putting on an event at a location where my sister can be sentenced by law with the death penalty,” he penned in an open comment. “So much for equality and equal rights, only when it’s convenient to wsl. You have supported the LGBTQ flag on her shoulder but now you want to strip it and be hush hush to get her to a location that she’s at risk of this punishment. You have the responsibility to protect your athletes, interested to see how you think you can protect her against the law.”

Thus began the pile on with calls for a boycott growing extremely loud.

Well, all that aside, Abu Dhabi appears ready to open to non-Championship Tour surfers as well. In an overnight email blast, the PR mavens declared:

The wait has been long, and we truly appreciate your patience and excitement for Surf Abu Dhabi. As a member of our community, we wanted you to be the first to know that bookings are officially open!

We’ve been working hard to bring you the best surf experience, and we’re thrilled to announce that Surf Abu Dhabi will open its doors to the public on October 25. Now’s your chance to secure your session and be among the one of the first to share this amazing wave but also the full Surf Abu Dhabi experience!

Our friendly and professional team is here to assist you with any questions and make sure your visit is unforgettable.

The question, I suppose, is how much a session will cost.

What if I told you it was $3500 USD for 90 mins? Would you jump an Emirates flight straight away?

Then get booking because it is not $3500 USD but rather $3500 UAE which is, roughly, $950 USD.

Door bustin!

More as the story develops.

“Those leaving these areas are advised to leave the country or at least to the capital Colombo..."

The United States National Security Council strongly exhorted Israeli surfers in, and around, Sri Lanka’s Arugam Bay to leave the region after receiving what it described as credible threats indicating an imminent attack. “Those leaving these areas are advised to leave the country or at least to the capital Colombo, where there is a high presence of local security forces,” it said in a statement.

Muslim groups in the country have been frustrated during the course of the year-long war in Gaza and increasing Israeli aggression in Lebanon, regularly protesting and drawing in their predominantly Buddhist neighbors as well.

Local police, aware of the potential troubles, declared, “In view of the war situation in the Middle East and Eastern Europe, the police together with intelligence agencies are working on a plan to protect tourists and resorts.”

Sri Lanka is a popular destination for Israeli tourists and passionate Israeli surfers with reports stating that over 20,000 visited the South East Asian nation in the first nine months of this year. Arugum Bay, of course, famous for its user-friendly right handers, yoga retreat centers and delicious green jackfruit curries.

This whole unfortunate wrinkle comes mere days after National Geographic threw its hat into the surf tourism ring, publishing “Why Sri Lanka’s south coast should be your next surfing destination” beginning thusly:

“There’s so much machismo and ego in surfing. Let’s change that,” Portuguese surfing coach José Bernado says to our group of a dozen mostly-female rookies, exemplifying the central mission of Soul & Surf, a game-changing brand of boutique surf camps that selected sleepy Ahangama for its second outpost in 2015. We’re donning rash vests and ferrying our beginner’s softboards over to the fleet of colourful tuk-tuks waiting just beyond the open-sided Canteen cafe, the heart of the jungly, beachfront complex. “The beauty of this sport is that we don’t have to be perfect to enjoy it; we do it for the endorphins, for our mental health,” José tells us. “Look out for each other and don’t be afraid to admit you’re learning. Let’s make a tribe in the water.”

That “tribe in the water” likely extremely on edge for the foreseeable future.

"The undersigned inclusive surfing organisations and individuals vehemently oppose this decision."

No social or moral issue, as it relates to gender expansiveness, spectrum affirmation, non-binarism and queerness (if it aligns with ultra-inclusion) plus professional surfing, can said to be truly “in the public square” until Surf Equity has weighed in. The powerful advocacy group has been at the absolute forefront of publicly shaming women who get “uppity” while fighting the good fight on hydra-headed fronts.

It was with bated breath, then, that surf fans around the world waited for Surf Equity’s response to the growing furor over the planned World Surf League Championship Tour Abu Dhabi surf event. Now, you certainly recall when two-time WSL champ Tyler Wright’s brother, Mikey, came swinging in, declaring, “You have no business putting on an event at a location where my sister can be sentenced by law with the death penalty. So much for equality and equal rights, only when it’s convenient to wsl. You have supported the LGBTQ flag on her shoulder but now you want to strip it and be hush hush to get her to a location that she’s at risk of this punishment. You have the responsibility to protect your athletes, interested to see how you think you can protect her against the law.”

Tyler, of course, the only openly gay surfer on tour.

Mikey’s salvo was followed by another from Tyler’s wife Lilli, who added, “Unfortunately homosexuality is illegal at one of the locations and my wife can legally be sentenced to death or imprisonment if she tries to attend. Tyler has competed on this tour for over 14 years and has had the pride flag on her jersey since 2020. Even after winning two world titles she is still not valued enough by the WSL to be considered when they sold this event. Tyler’s queerness should not have to be a burden or an obstacle in her workplace.”

All eyes turning to Surf Equity which, for days, remained silent.

Silent until now. For hours ago, them lent its considerable heft to a petition demanding that Abu Dhabi be removed from tour.

The World Surf League (WSL) have named Abu Dhabi as a stop on their 2025 Championship Tour and Longboard Tour, a location where homosexuality is illegal – punishable by up to 14 years in prison or even the death sentence. Wave Wahines CIC, Queer Surf Club, Surf Equity, and the undersigned inclusive surfing organisations and individuals vehemently oppose this decision. We call on you to join us in supporting the removal of Abu Dhabi as a venue from the WSL’s events calendar until they can guarantee a safe environment for every surfer. So far the amazing surfing community have spoken up and are ready to take action – it’s time we unite and amplify our collective voice. Please share the petition widely – through surf chats, email lists and across your social media.

At time of writing, it has garnered 745 signatures.

Surf Equity, fighting the perpetual good fight for…

All races

All cultures

All sexual orientations

All gender identities

All national origins

All abilities

All socioeconomic backgrounds

All gender expressions

All countries of origin

All ethnicities

All religions

All genders

Except Islamic bastards.

Or uppity women.

More as the story develops.