The True North strong and free!

Canada, that great northern expanse, has not experienced this much tension, this much pure stress since 2001 when sitting prime minister Justin Trudeau attended an Arabian Nights themed party in… a questionable outfit. Anxiety to the max, eh. For, as of Friday, beloved first daughter, Erin Brooks, was sitting outside the World Surf League Championship Tour qualifications and staring down the barrel of a long Challenger Series year.

The maple leaf’d phenom has had the surf world on notice since first popping onto the scene some four years ago. The spotlight has only brightened, especially after her win at the Fiji Pro over the summer.

But there she was, anyhow, needing a result at the Saquarema Pro, down Brazil way, in order to move into her destiny.

Alas, all things broke Canada’s way on Sunday when Brooks won her round of 32 heat over Macy Callaghan, Minami Nonaka and Zoe Benedetto to make it all official.

Taking to the World Surf League’s social media organ, the 17-year-old penned, “Qualifying in Brazil in front of the best surf fans in the world is something I will never forget. Thank you so much to the WSL for this opportunity and also thank you to my family, friends, sponsors, coaches, trainers, and everyone who has been a part of my journey to this moment. It takes a team and I am so thankful for all of you. I still can’t believe I get to travel and compete with the world’s best surfers. Dreams do come true!!”

Do they ever. Tears flowing like poutine from Toronto to Vancouver. Now, would you please join me in song?

O Canada!
Our home and native land!
True patriot love in all of us command.
With glowing hearts we see thee rise,
The True North strong and free!
From far and wide,
O Canada, we stand on guard for thee.
God keep our land glorious and free!
O Canada, we stand on guard for thee.
O Canada, we stand on guard for thee.

Thank you.

"Proof this toys have 0 to do with actual surfing abilities."

The world’s greatest competitive surfer, Kelly Slater, is in no mood to slow down. Carrying an infinite pocket full of World Surf League wildcards and the debonair good looks of a much younger 57-year-old, the 11x world champion appears to have everything but needing more.

The Floridian icon has been jetting around Europe these past few weeks as part of his ambassadorship duties for luxury Swiss watch maker Breitling. He is, of course, part of the “Surfer Squad” which includes Stephanie Gilmore and the recently World Surf League Championship Tour re-qualified Sally Fitzgibbons. Slater was there, in Rome, to celebrate 140 years of Breitling and is now in Paris doing the same with Jeremy Flores.

The two are captured together in a store which just so happens to have a balance board. But you certainly recall when the Indo Board burst onto our surf scene. There were magazines, back then, and toward the back cover, quarter page ads featuring the oblong plywood shape and an accompanying cylinder. Balance board training promised to hone the surfer’s muscle instincts whilst he or she sat on land, waiting for the next big swell. Balance boarding could be done anywhere, you see, and most also came with a handy tote bag, if I recall correctly.

Back to Slater and Flores, though. As highly competitive people are wont to do, a challenge is laid out to see who can balance on the board longer. After light making fun of Australia’s Rachel “Raygun” Ray, the breakdancer who stole hearts during the Paris Games, Slater goes first, crouching into a cheater five before attempting a shove-it and coming undone. Flores, next, gets into pig dog stance after wobbling but comes undone even quicker.

At the end, they seem to agree to a draw, the loser appearing to be the balance board itself.

Now, neither surf champ looked entirely elegant whilst competing, leaving fans sour.

“Proof this toys have 0 to do with actual surfing abilities,” one wrote underneath the shared video.

“lol. My buddy ate shit so hard on one of these,” another added.

“Next vid: surf skating,” yet a third poked.

On the deluge went, those holding stock in Big Balance anxiously hoping the storm will pass.

Though now your turn. Do you practice the balance board at home? Has it improved your surfing? Would you recommend?

Very cool.

The Surfer for the win.

There was once a time when surfers had a corner on the “cool slang” market. Words and phrases like “Cowabunga” or “totally tubular” were staples in every rad kid’s vocabulary. Surfers maybe taking for granted our linguistic monopoly. Alas, we were caught flatfooted by the fast-moving internet culture and now are buried underneath a pile of TikTok inspired “skibidies” and “alphas” and “sigmas,” “auras” and “bibiddybobbdies.”

Decidedly not surf.

But, soft! what light through yonder window breaks? It is the east, and Nicolas Cage is the sun. Arise, fair sun, and kill the envious moon, who is already sick and pale with grief, that thou her maid art far more fair than she.

Yes, per reports, a new bit of surf slang is trending all thanks to Guarding Tess star from his highly-anticipated new film The Surfer.

And you have certainly been salivating over the Lorcan Finnegan directed film first introduced a year-ish ago and described thusly:

When a man returns to Australia to buy back his family home after many years in the U.S., he is humiliated in front of his teenage son by a group of local surfers who claim ownership over the secluded beach of his childhood. Wounded, he defies them and remains at the beach, demanding acceptance. As the conflict escalates he is brought to the edge of his sanity and his identity is thrown into question.

A grumpy local dream.

Well, it premiered at Cannes to much acclaim and, again, our first bit of slang in decades. Metro UK describes the genesis of the idiom wherein Cage’s character is starving, kills a rat, takes a bite then…

After being interrupted he pockets the rat to use later, which comes during a fight when he truly snaps – resulting in his character pulling the rat from his pocket and shoving it into his opponent’s mouth.

‘Eat the rat!’, he exclaims wildly – and thus another iconic Cageism is born, joining his collection of iconic quotes.

Indeed, the star himself seems aware of how fans may catch onto this one, as he whipped the audience at Cannes up into a frenzy by roaring ‘Mangez le rat!’ (his newest meme-worthy line, translated) during the film’s six-minute standing ovation.

Eat the rat, my bro.

Skibidi.