Thoughts and prayers for surf star Kai Lenny after near-fatal collision with foil board

The brush with death comes less than one year after he was hospitalised following a helmet-crushing wipeout at Pipeline.

One week of American euphoria following the fairytale election of a devil-may-care, dare-to-dream businessman to the highest office in the land was almost squashed earlier today when the country’s most beloved surfer, Kai Lenny, nearly died in a foil-boarding accident.

Lenny, who is thirty two and with lips as red as if he’d just applied a fresh coat of pomegranate lipstick, was surfing his foil-board in Maui when he “wiped out” after a back-flip attempt and the board’s hydro-foil slashed his chest, dagger style, and perilously close to his heart.

“It got a little spicy and I foiled myself across my chest,” Kai Lenny explained in a video posted to YouTube. “I really wanted to land a backflip. And I had this perfect section, so I threw the backflip and I sort of missed the grab.

The near-fatal collision comes less than one year after the was hospitalised after a wipeout that destroyed his helmet during the Backdoor Shootout, becoming Pipeline’s sixth high-profile scalp for the winter.

The world’s best surfers were quick to acknowledge how his life might’ve drastically zigged if Kai Lenny didn’t have the polycarbonate shell on his head.

“The helmet,” wrote Jack Robinson, punctuating the profundity with two sets of prayer hands.

Kai Lenny posted a photograph of his brain being examined by the noted medico Dr Jason Keifer at Brain Health Hawaii.

“Since my head injury at PIPELINE on January 4th, I’ve been doing everything I can to get back on the horse and become better than I was.

Some time ago now, Kai Lenny appeared on the very occasional podcast Dirty Water where, over the course of ninety minutes, we listened to exciting stories about foiling with a trillionaire, Twiggy Baker fighting off a shark at Jaws and big-wavers threatening to beat hell out of each other in heats, T-boning a twelve-foot tiger shark fishermen called God on his windsurfer when he was thirteen and so on.

Load Comments

Surf fans across the political spectrum gouge eyeballs out with plastic spoons after The Inertia unveils its “Winter Surf Gift” guide!

But a silver lining?

The political left and right may be extremely far apart, these days, across all subsets very much including surf. Already prone to tribalism, surfers fight, fight, fight over board volume and stance throughout the day. Throwing the recent presidential election into the mix and a landslide victory by Donald Trump leading directly to even greater divisions.

Shortboarders from Huntington sneering at longboarders from Capo Beach and screaming at them to “go back to Mexico.” Similar things happening in Florida except instead of Mexico, longboarders are being told to go back to Puerto Rico.

Dark days ahead. The end of even the flimsiest concept of a “surf world?”

Enter The Inertia.

The “definitive voice of surfing and the outdoors” took the moment to release its “winter gear guide” beginning thusly:

It’s that time of year again. The water is getting colder, the waves are getting bigger, and it’s just about time to dig those booties and hooded fullsuit out of the closet where they’ve been hibernating for the summer. In winter, surfing changes from a carefree sun-soaked activity to a ritualistic and gear-heavy affair, all in the name of staying warm.

The gear:

Shortboarders and longboarders, Shredders for Harris and Barrel Hounds for Trump, goofies and regulars each holding each other’s hair back as they take turns vomiting due the sheer sartorial assault.

Unified.

Load Comments

Maui surfer butchered by tiger shark released from hospital as gofundme hits $100k

"While this was a horrific accident, Kenji is super motivated to get back into the ocean he loves."

Almost two weeks back now, November 1 if you want some rare precision, the Maui surfer Kenji Nonka, a perpetually optimistic sixty one year old, was hit by a tiger shark during his usual morning surf.

By the time Maui police, firefighters and first responders arrived at the scene at Sand Piles, part of  Waiehu Beach Park there, Kenji was on the beach, one leg completely severed just below the knee.

Shades of the “tough as nails” Kai Mckenzie etc.

In an eerie coincidence, it was twenty one years, almost to the very day, since Bethany Hamilton lost her arm after being was hit by a Tiger shark. Hamilton had even posted a warning to surfers on the same day as Kenji’s advising increased shark activity in October.

“I call October Sharktober, especially out here in Hawaii as a surfer,” wrote Bethany. “Sharks are just way more active and it’s known that they’re migrating and getting ready to give birth. And Tiger sharks in particular are migrating and getting ready to give birth.”

After a little tidying up of the stump, Kenji Nonka is back home, face wrapped in his usual smiles.

“We are overjoyed to share that Kenji has been discharged from the hospital today and is back home!!! Kenji and Tomoko both want to express their deepest gratitude for all the love, aloha and donations they have received across the island and beyond. While this was a horrific accident, Kenji is still the brightest beacon of light and hope, and is super motivated to begin the rehab and recovery process to get back into the ocean he loves.”

He’s chasing one hundred gees on his gofundme and is at 97k or so. If you got a spare three chuck it in the bowl. Biggest donor so far has thrown in $10,000.

Load Comments

Cosmo Alexandre (right) with a right.
Cosmo Alexandre (right) with a right.

Clueless Florida surfers flirt with decapitation by dropping in on kickboxing legend Cosmo Alexandre

"This is no regular dude. He is a one punch knockout master but all these kooks and kids on longboards are just burning him."

The Grit! podcast is almost one decade old, now, and over that time, we’ve had some very fun segments. One of my favorites is “Pros in the Wild” wherein listeners call in and describe experiences with professional surfers out in the world. These encounters are often illuminating, the true natures of our heroes and heroines becoming revealed through small interactions or observances. On yesterday’s program, a friend from Florida called in to describe a scene in which many VALs might have had their heads kicked from their shoulders for bad behavior.

Chris, anyhow, lives on the gulf and describes how anytime a hurricane hits and school, work etc. are cancelled, hundreds of people with “surfboards in the garage” decide its time to paddle out. “They’re not surfers,” he says, “they’re just free Americans with surfboards, paddling out. Kids and kooks.” In any case, the lineup turns extremely chaotic, as can be imagined, and this is where we lay our scene. Chris had paddled out near Naples, Florida after a hurricane and rustled up some waist-to-chest high gutless waves. There he was, in the mix, when he noticed a very strong appearing man on a SUP. Paddling closer he realized it was the kickboxing legend Cosmo Alexandre. “This is no regular dude,” Chris explained. “He is a one punch knockout master but all these kooks and kids on longboards are just burning him. They have no idea who he is. No idea they just burned one of the baddest people on planet earth.”

Alexandre seemed kind, ruing the fact he brought a SUP instead of another craft when Chris steeled his spine and made conversation. He did not retaliate on any of the lineup etiquette transgressions.

Would you have been so genteel? Or would you have kicked one head from one shoulders just to send a message?

Watch Cosmo Alexandre knock Sage Northcutt out while pondering how you would handle your advanced fighting skills, if you had them

Load Comments

Uriah McDonald better than Toledo at Teahupoo.
Lil Uriah McDonald ain't afraid of nasty ol Teahupoo.

Seven-year-old surf prodigy outshines two-time world champ with fearless performance at Tahiti’s deadly Teahupoo!

“I want to go into the Olympics so I can make the United States a better place!”

A cavalcade of superstars, including the man who pioneered backside tube riding at Pipeline Johnny Boy Gomes, have lined up to praise a tweenie from Oceanside, California, after the kid fearlessly attacked one of the world’s heaviest waves.

Uriah McDonald has been surfing since he was eight months old although confesses he wasn’t able to spring to his feet then but it was this early exposure to the ocean gave him the bug that he sure hasn’t been able to shake.

Uriah, who swings under the handle @uriah_anchor, was recently filmed taking on Tahiti’s Teahupoo, a wave that famously flummoxed the otherwise brilliant San Clemente-based surfer Filipe Toledo.

Toledo, you’ll remember, was in the running for a shock gold medal at the Olympics, even clocking an almost perfect ride while the surf remained small.

However, his hopes of glory were shattered when the surf got a little bigger and Toledo threatened to reprise his famous zero-point heat total there.

The world’s best surf contest analyser, Scotland runner and foiler JP Currie, wrote:

Three waves attempted, none critical or close, the highest coming in at a 1.43.

He was roundly trounced by the committed Japanese surfer, Reo Inaba, who deserved the victory regardless of Toledo’s no-show.
Inaba charged and grinned throughout.

Even when he was ragdolled by the heaviest wave in the world, he still came up smiling.

Toledo, by contrast, was locked back into his familiar grimace, looking like he’d rather be anywhere else in the world. Ideally 24 hours in the past, posting an obscene number of Instagram stories highlighting his waves from yesterday.

But pay for his hubris he did.

With all sincerity, I hope he is ok, because I can scarcely imagine a greater swing from high to low. Yesterday, his demons had been vanquished, silenced and sent back to that dark chamber in the pit of his soul. Today, they are back upon his shoulder, wailing and cackling into the shot blood of his eyeballs.

And I fear that when it’s all said and done, it won’t be two world titles and some of the most dynamic surfing ever done that is Filipe Toledo’s legacy, but simply a handful of waves he refused to paddle for.

Uriah McDonald, meanwhile, is readying himself for Olympic Glory, probs not LA, he’ll only be eleven, maybe Brisbane, when he turns fifteen.

“I just try to give my best effort so I can like, be the best surfer,” the kid told Fox 5. “I really want to be an athlete and go into the Olympics, so I can get points for our country and make the United States a better place.”

Load Comments