“I want to go into the Olympics so I can make the United States a better place!”
A cavalcade of superstars, including the man who pioneered backside tube riding at Pipeline Johnny Boy Gomes, have lined up to praise a tweenie from Oceanside, California, after the kid fearlessly attacked one of the world’s heaviest waves.
Uriah McDonald has been surfing since he was eight months old although confesses he wasn’t able to spring to his feet then but it was this early exposure to the ocean gave him the bug that he sure hasn’t been able to shake.
Uriah, who swings under the handle @uriah_anchor, was recently filmed taking on Tahiti’s Teahupoo, a wave that famously flummoxed the otherwise brilliant San Clemente-based surfer Filipe Toledo.
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Toledo, you’ll remember, was in the running for a shock gold medal at the Olympics, even clocking an almost perfect ride while the surf remained small.
However, his hopes of glory were shattered when the surf got a little bigger and Toledo threatened to reprise his famous zero-point heat total there.
The world’s best surf contest analyser, Scotland runner and foiler JP Currie, wrote:
Three waves attempted, none critical or close, the highest coming in at a 1.43.
He was roundly trounced by the committed Japanese surfer, Reo Inaba, who deserved the victory regardless of Toledo’s no-show.
Inaba charged and grinned throughout.
Even when he was ragdolled by the heaviest wave in the world, he still came up smiling.
Toledo, by contrast, was locked back into his familiar grimace, looking like he’d rather be anywhere else in the world. Ideally 24 hours in the past, posting an obscene number of Instagram stories highlighting his waves from yesterday.
But pay for his hubris he did.
With all sincerity, I hope he is ok, because I can scarcely imagine a greater swing from high to low. Yesterday, his demons had been vanquished, silenced and sent back to that dark chamber in the pit of his soul. Today, they are back upon his shoulder, wailing and cackling into the shot blood of his eyeballs.
And I fear that when it’s all said and done, it won’t be two world titles and some of the most dynamic surfing ever done that is Filipe Toledo’s legacy, but simply a handful of waves he refused to paddle for.
Uriah McDonald, meanwhile, is readying himself for Olympic Glory, probs not LA, he’ll only be eleven, maybe Brisbane, when he turns fifteen.
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Uriah heap good
A uriah infection ? Or just another spoilt little euro expat cunt surfing kid?
question is which is worse?
Uriah for Prez 2028, here to Make America Better Place Again. #MABPA
Maybe he should start with trying to make Oceanside a better place. A tall order in the least.
I’m so high…. No, no, Uriah!
M’riah? No way, Uriah!
Whatevs. Pass the papaya jambalaya, cryer.
Between groms like Uriah and girls like Caitlin charging waves of consequence, and the new tour with last 2 stops Teahupoo & Cloudbreak, Filipe is planning early retirement to avoid more embarrassment.
Uriah,heap good surfer.
https://youtu.be/u0iuaxvkXv4?si=D7oFR4yxqt7MxzyS
he’ll be in a surf store selling boards and giving free lessons before he knows it
Yeah, they come and go pretty quickly.
The revolving Backdoor !
Lol
Presumably if ya name ya kid Uriah, he’ll never go to school, of any kind
I mean, come on, ya just asking for him to have the urine taken out of him, pississtently…
I’ll give the parents a tiny bit of kudos for at least naming their little trust funder.Shit name, tho …. smh but whatever….
Edit; out of sheer idle interest I googed the meaning of Uriah and this is what I found – Dez will crack a chubby.
“My light is Yahweh; flame of God
Origin:Hebrew. Meaning:My light is Yahweh; flame of God. Uriah is a masculine Hebrew name meaning “my light is Yahweh” or “flame of God.” This biblical moniker is mentioned throughout the Hebrew Bible, with prophets and priests sharing this name.”
Shalom, kid.
Ya know, Uriah probably definitely right!
Ukiah would be his tribal name when he goes up north. Destiny: salmon fisherman, dam removal activist. (not a bad thing!)
Rich & homeschooled. Good luck kid.
Only a trust funder knows the feeling
Surfing is a brave new world for not only this Uriah kid, but old crusty locals everywhere lamenting where surfing is traversing to.
2 weeks ago first barrel. I find it all rather disturbing.
https://www.instagram.com/reel/DBc1u7qJCX2/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link&igsh=MzRlODBiNWFlZA==
affordable housing to both east & west…bring your helmut and pulaski and breathing gear…
I don’t know what’s more disturbing: that you took the time to look through this little trusty’s IG, or that Wilbur downvoted you.
A lot of raw emotions right now.
A brazzo friend told me they allready started building the green haired peoples internment camps in north dakota the bluehaired peoples one goes up next week.
I hope all the kids in Australia go on strike again.
They are. Jan 6, apparently.
The kids are allright.
It popped up on my feed a week ago, I watch far too much pool footage.
That’s what she said…
that was disturbing on many many levels.
That was way worse than I was expecting
uriah, lord of the flies!!!