“You would never think in your right mind to build a wave pool in Waco!”

Tears are flowing freely, this morning, in the San Joaquin Valley after the most famous manmade wave in the entire United States of America Kelly Slater’s Surf Ranch located on the outskirts of Lemoore, was ranked below Waco Surf in Waco, Texas on energy drink giant Red Bull’s highly-anticipated Top 8 Best Wave Pools for Surfing in the US list.

While enjoyed by a panoply of ultra-celebrities ranging from Diplo to Duke Harry Montecito to Doja Cat to Ivanka Trump and host of multiple World Surf League Championship Tour events, Surf Ranch still failed to best Waco and its unique history of brain-eating amoeba.

“There’s a whole surf community in the middle of Texas,” Red Bull’s Jamie O’Brien proudly declared, rubbing cow dung into Lemoore’s open wound. “You would never think in your right mind to build a wave pool in Waco!”

Disney’s Typhoon Lagoon came in third, threatening to overtake “The Plow” with its $1,300 for 100 waves pricing.

Great Wolf Lodge came fourth thanks to its “Wolf Rider Wipeout Indoor Surf Simulator,” Revel Surf in Mesa, Arizona nabbed fifth, two different FlowRiders, one in Sandusky, Ohio, the other in Erie, Pennsylvania were awarded sixth and seventh.

Skudin Surf, the world’s largest indoor tub, closed out the rankings at eighth.

Back up to Surf Ranch losing out to Waco Surf, though, do you imagine there is shock and sadness in World Surf League offices? The “Global Home of Surfing,” which purchased Kelly Slater Wave Co. from the 11x champion, has long declared that its technology is the most superior in the world. I’d imagine sheiks in the Emirates will feel they were sold a bill of goods what with their new Kelly Slater Surf Ranch Abu Dhabi just opened. A possible coup in an already volatile region.

The surf tank wars becoming all too real.

More as the story develops.

Advice that never goes out of style.

It is holiday time around in Southern California, extra hustle and bustle added to already busy lives. Husbands out shopping for wives, wives for children, families rushing to parties and singles trying to fill the gaping void by increased online dating. With all the dashing about, it is very easy to forget simple truths. Egg nog and other festive drinks also increase this seasonal amnesia.

As such, The Los Angeles Times took the important step of warning local surfers not to attempt to surf a tsunami if one happens to come rolling by.

A 7.0 magnitude earthquake hit Northern California on Thursday, as things happen, which triggered a tsunami warning across much of the state’s coastline. Though it was soon canceled, The LA Times told surfers “Do not attempt to surf or watch a tsunami. You cannot surf a tsunami, as there is no face to a tsunami wave. Regular waves flow in a circle without flooding higher areas. Tsunami waves are unpredictable and flood the land like a wall of water.”

Besides the “regular waves flowing in a circle” bit, the information is as valuable as it is timely and I would encourage all surfers to print the cautionary advice out and magnet it to the refrigerator.

Especially useful when brains are full of errands that need doing and white Russians.

Speaking of, what is your favorite holiday cocktail?

Don’t surf a tsunami, please.