Griffin Colapinto falls under the spell of charismatic faith healer Dr Joe Spinoza (inset, helping a woman to self-cure her infertility.)
Griffin Colapinto falls under the spell of charismatic faith healer Dr Joe Spinoza (inset, helping a woman to self-cure her infertility.)

Surfing’s “Gandhi” Griffin Colapinto falls under spell of charismatic faith-healer Joe Dispenza!

“I’m leaving this retreat with so much love in my heart and an understanding of how POWERFUL us humans Beings actually are.”

Only three months ago and but two weeks before his failed swing at tearing off Filipe Toledo’s bolted-on crown, Griffin Colapinto posted an extraordinarily personal message on Instagram.

Not for nothing is the twenty five year old referred to as the Gandhi of surfing. You’ll remember he helped cool heads following the furore from Brazilian surf fans after he won the Surf Ranch Pro in May.

And so, Griffin Colapinto’s search for meaning amid the chaos of life is unsurprising.

In the lengthy missive (which you can read here), Griffin Colapinto explored his feelings of emptiness and his search for meaning despite becoming the most successful Californian surfer in over thirty years.

Griffin Colapinto explained his pivot to Sādhanā, an ego-transcending spiritual practice from India and the grave warning issued by Kolohe Andino, a believer in the Christian doctrine, who wrote, “No false idols.”

The phrase is loaded as hell and is associated with the Ten Commandments where it warns against worshipping anything other than the divine.

Now, in a new and equally personal confessional, Colapinto has told of falling under the spell of the best-selling author Doc Joe Dispenza, a man who believes a woman’s infertility can be cured by the power of thought and whose chiropractic degree is from an institution that subsequently lost its accreditation for “poor teaching methods.”

Anyway, pour yourself a long glass:

“You are the Source!” writes Griffin Colapinto. “I’d like to share an experience with you guys please. This past week I had the opportunity to go to a week long @drjoedispenza retreat with a collective of 2,000 human beings

Who were all there, either to Heal themselves of life threatening diseases and traumas, or just better themselves as people and to live a happier life. On this retreat we ended up meditating a total of 35 hours and all the other time we were being informed on the PURPOSE and SCIENCE behind these meditations. That way when we went into the meditation we had a strong BELIEF and DIRECTION of what we were doing.

I’ll tell you right now. It was one of the best weeks of my life! I’m leaving this retreat with so much love in my heart and an understanding of how POWERFUL us humans Beings actually are. This Practice is changing the world for the better and that is why I’m sharing.

So, when I first showed up I had a thought that I wouldn’t share this on social media, just due to the fact that I thought I could use this Practice to have an edge on my competitors in my Surf Events.

But as the week went on I realized that would be a very limited thing to do and An Unlimited Person does not behave that way. An Unlimited person shares their secrets.

I learned that to Attract the things we want in our life, it takes a clear intention, an open mind, and an open heart.

It’s also important to walk, talk, and act as the person who has already achieved their dreams. So for instance, I wanna be a world champion surfer. I must walk, talk, and act like it. Do world champions speak negatively, judge, gossip, complain? Those are all limited actions.

So to have the awareness to not fall to the limited and stay unlimited is very important. In these meditations is were we strengthen that awareness. We draw the events to us by changing our bad habits and become a new person.

Then the rest is up to life, god, source, the universe, to Attract your clear intention when you least expect it. In a very MAGICAL way!

Griffin Colapinto continues,

The thing about this retreat that’s really game changing is the science side of it. We learned all about frequency, atoms, molecules, brain waves, energy etc. and the way they play a massive role in our universe.

Witch is a huge part of why this is changing the world! It doesn’t discriminate. It doesn’t matter if you are religious or Athiest. The science Is what bridges the gap and unites every one of us.

Another mind blowing experience was the Coherence Healing. We witnessed some very surreal moments in this meditation. All I’ll say is if I had an illness, the first thing I would do is go for a coherence healing.

I mean 2,000 people all in the same room with the same intention to heal those before them by sending them their love energy. Cancer, Tumors, Als, blind, loss of hearing, liver disease, depression and much more. We witnessed these healings first hand!

We are all part of a web, each and every one of us is connected to it. A change or healing in just one person affects the web and Change creates new possibilities. Your personality creates your personal reality!

Clearly our world is not in its best state right now. But don’t worry because there’s a higher consciousness emerging! I saw it and felt it.


Not everyone is quite so taken by the good Doc, however.

Dr. Harriet Hall, aka The SkepDoc, writes: “He is a New Age woo-monger, a gullible believer in an imaginary ‘Quantum Field’ that supposedly responds to human thoughts and intentions. He was featured in the reprehensible movie What the Bleep Do we Know. He has no evidence to support his claims, only testimonials, fanciful hypotheses, and speculations.”

Personally, my take is whatever gets you through the night. Trannies, jock pussy, faith-healers, it don’t matter.

Kelly Slater has Charlie Goldsmith; Griffin Colapinto has Joe Dispenza.

If it works it works. Am I right?

A week-long retreat costs around $2299 ex-tax. Jump on the waitlist for the Cancun experience here. 

The Inertia offices (pictured) terrified.
The Inertia offices (pictured) terrified.

Terror spreads at The Inertia as Surfer goes after “surf hat” market!

Night of the Living Nerd.

Rinse kits, changing mats, changing robes, technical beach chairs, technical beach wagons, pocket shakas and surf hats were once, not long ago, the sole territory of The Inertia. Yes, the “definitive voice of surfing” understood, early, that surfing was going to experience a massive adult learner invasion and quickly included guides and direction on completely unnecessary accoutrement alongside its Huffington Post-inspired milquetoast servings.

The Inertia assumed it would be safe to till these kook ass fields alone, harvesting branded post opportunities alone until, that is, the corpse of Surfer Magazine was re-animated.

You have certainly followed along as the once-proud “Bible of the Sport” was purchased by a “tech powered” media company nearly a year ago. Surfer immediately telegraphed that its zombie version had no soul, clearly, but also no clue. The first hire was a spicy food lovin’ gal who called Tennessee’s Smoky Mountains home. Some thousand-odd miles from the nearest ocean. Or Surf Ranch. A series of embarrassments followed including, most recently, spitting on the only rule of surf journalism.

The Inertia, though, still safe.

Its pasty blend of awkward and uncomfortable too fine to be replicated.

Until yesterday.

For yesterday, Surfer waded directly into the surf hat game, “product testing” what the writer declared as the “The BEST surf hat… ever??”

Double barreled question marks certainly signaling more to come.

The Solite surf hat was, anyhow, described thusly:

This hat ticks all boxes with comfort, functionality and high quality material. The mesh ear flaps did not obscure my hearing and the chin strap was pretty comfortable for the most part and never came loose. And I found the adjustable straps quite user friendly.

Wearing the visor backward when paddling back out felt like I didn’t even have it on my head when duck diving.

Negatives: for me, none really. I guess if I could say one thing it would be to lengthen the bill about an inch if possible but still good as is.

A fine review, no doubt, but also terror rippling through The Inertia’s Boulder, Colorado headquarters. Surfer in the surf hat games means rinse kits, changing mats, changing robes and even pocket shakas are next. The completely uninformed certainly choosing to listen to the august Surfer over The Inertia, no?

Will The Inertia offer a fire sale on its co-branded content? Might we be able to purchase a BeachGrit car air freshener review for pennies on the dollar?

Reaching out now.

Stay tuned.

In the meantime, please buy a BeachGrit car air freshener. It “brings the anti-depressive smell of BeachGrit into your car, office or home.”

Kelly Slater (left) trapped by Shakira. Photo: Instagram

Surf icon Kelly Slater ensnared by deftly laid Shakira thirst trap!

The hips don't lie bone is connected to the leg bone...

Now, here is a question. Would you, right now, trade places with Shakira? On one hand, the Colombian chanteuse has it all. Multiple Grammy awards, millions of dollars, beautiful homes in Barcelona, Miami, Cypress. The love and support of fans worldwide. On the other hand, she is just beginning a tax evasion trial which could see her spend eight years behind Spanish bars. Though not as high a quality as French or Italian bars, still a dire prospect.

The 46-year-old, according to Spanish tax authorities, cheated the country out of some $26.4 million by claiming not to be living in Spain full-time while living in Spain full-time.

Tapas Trouble

120 witnesses are set to be called with the trail wrapping mid December.

While you area thinking on the matter, it should be noted that Shakira is currently single. She split from her boyfriend, the Spanish soccer star Gerard Piqué, a few months back and turned to surfing to mend a painful heart. Though a longtime surfer, Shakira wrote of the ocean’s cathartic properties immediately after the split.

She made an overture to the greatest surfer ever, Kelly Slater.

Though the 11x world champion is in a loving, committed relationship to his longtime Chinese girlfriend, surf pundits immediately began to wonder if he would have the fortitude, the grit to withstand the sultry songbird’s interest.

Kelly Slater Trips over Shakira’s Leg

Apparently, the surf pundits were right to worry for, days ago, Shakira posted a classic thirst trap to Instagram. Stretching before the Latin Grammys.

“And that’s how we stretch for the Latin Grammys,” she cooed while her gam was pulled, sensually, by a handsome dancer wearing Jean Paul Gaultier.

“Liked” by Kelly Slater.

And so, back to our original question. Does the Slater wrinkle weight the scale differently? Multiple Grammy awards, millions of dollars, beautiful homes in Barcelona, Miami, Cypress, the love and support of fans worldwide and Kelly Slater’s attention?

It does for me.

Hola, celda.

Callum Robson with Yeti cooler prizes for ten-point ride.
Callum Robson and his Yeti cooler, a prize for scoring a ten-point ride. Now listed for $550.

Aussie surf star lists iconic contest trophy for sale online at only $550!

“At the apex of WSL gimmicky and actually quite demeaning.”

Six months ago, the relatively unfancied Australia Callum Robson rode the first perfect wave of the season at the Portugal CT event.

In his heart-pounding report from the day our tour correspondent JP Currie wrote,

“He spun on a wave that seemed to rise from nowhere. A tube as thick as it was tall spat like a Targaryen dragon trying to incinerate the Aussie chippy, yet he emerged from the fury for an undeniable perfect score.” 

Robson, who turns twenty-three in one week, finished the event in third place and the year at twentieth overall on the tour ratings. 

As reward for his perfect ride, Robson was awarded a Yeti cooler, a generous gift, although it was quickly slammed by the Grammy-nominated DJ and former pro surfer FISHER. 

The thirty-six-year-old who was nominated for Best Dance Recording category at the 61st Annual Grammy Awards for the nipple-twisting hit “Losing It” hit out at the WSL for giving any surfer who scores a ten-point ride in the season a Yeti cooler or in Australian parlance, an esky.

Yeti signed a three-year deal with the WSL in January, the brand hosting “on-site activations, including Hydration Stations, Activation Coolers, and branded event bottles, at select competitions, in addition to a branded-content series exploring the iconic locations on the WSL CT and Challenger Series featuring YETI ambassadors John Florence and Stephanie Gilmore.

“I’m pondering on the fact that when a surfer gets a ten-point ride on the world-fucking-championship tour they get a fucking esky! A fucking esky!” said Fisher. “Are you fucking kidding me? That is unbelievable. What are they going to do, fill it full of beers and use the lid to go down some hills?

“A ten-point ride and you get a fucking esky! Unbelievable. Mate, what about a thousand bucks, just thousand bucks. Are you kidding? You used to get a Nixon watch worth ten-grand for a ten, now you get a fucking esky! Wow!”

As JP Currie wrote,

“It was the first ten of the year, and the best wave we would see all day by some margin. The Yeti cooler he gets as a reward won’t just be a fucker to lug back on the plane, and the apex of cheesy WSL gimmickry, but is actually quite demeaning in the context of that wave.”

At the time, I noted that if the gifted Yeti was the famous 82-gallon Tundra 350, it had a retail value of $1300. 

Now, it can be revealed Robson was given the much cheaper Tundra 110 Hard Cooler, retail around half that.

We know this because surf fans can buy this significant piece of history after Robson’s girlfriend Mayha Nowlan listed the prize on Facebook Marketplace for $550. It’s been kicking around online for two weeks already so maybe you can ask Mayha or Callum to sharpen their pencils on the ticket price.

It is brand new and the vendors request cash only. Pick up in Tweed Heads, a five-minute drive from Snapper Rocks.

Also for sale is a fleet of what look like superb surfboards including a Mayhem, a Bradley, a DHD and a few JS’s, prices ranging from $350 to $550. 

Filipe Toledo, Brazilian Olympian, unlikely to win gold at Teahupoo.
“There’s nothing left to prove to anyone,” says Filipe Toledo in his excellent documentary series Peace & Power.

Filipe Toledo’s hopes for Olympic gold shattered as Paris 2024 remains at Teahupoo despite push to move to insipid beachbreak!

The small-wave wizard has long struggled at Teahupoo, site of Paris 2024 Games.

Only one week ago, it appeared Christmas had arrived early for the Brazilian Olympian Filipe Toledo following bombshell comments from the president of French Polynesia who wanted to move the Olympic surf event from Teahupoo to the beachbreak Taharuu.

The small-wave wizard Filipe Toledo whose two world titles have come in little soft-breaking waves near the Republican stronghold of San Clemente has long struggled at Teahupoo.

But, Filipe Toledo’s formidable form in the small waves meant he beat reigning Olympic surfing gold medallist Italo Ferreira and two-time Teahupoo winner Gabriel Medina into the team. The other Brazilian male is João Chianca.

(Long-time fans of pro surfing will point out that Filipe Toledo’s famous zero-point heat at Teahupoo came alongside Italo Ferreira who surfed rings around his timid countryman.)

The push to move to Taharuu forty clicks back towards Papeete came following a furore over Paris 2024’s decision to demolish the old wooden judging tower and replace it with a five-million dollar aluminium structure.

FP’s prez Moetai Brotherson said Paris 2024’s surfing should be moved from Teahupoo and to the insipid beachbreak so the damn reef didn’t need to be drilled for the new tower’s concrete pylons.

Now, insipid is a strong word, but any wave that draws tears of joy and little shivers of excitement from your old pal DR after a couple of weeks going over the falls and getting gooned at Teahupoo is, likely, insipid.

Anyway, instead of going with the beachbreak option organisers have pushed back against the dumb idea and compromised a little on the tower, reducing its footprint by twenty-five percent to make it the same size as the old wooden one.

Also, the pylons aren’t gonna be drilled quite so deep, dry toilets instead of running water ones and there’s only room for twenty-five to thirty officials instead of forty.

“The new tower, less imposing and reduced in size and weight, installed on new permanent foundations, is the solution that will ensure the longevity of the tower and guarantee that future sporting events can be held at Teahupo’o,” organisers said in a statement.