The king of little waves Filipe Toledo gives hell to Abu Dhabi tank!

So much heat enveloping the Kelly Slater-Adam Fincham-designed wave pool in Abu Dhabi yesterday, and not just from its dreamy location in the Persian Gulf.

Surfers took a break from giving hell to Jews defending their fragile state to give it to Slater for being part of the tank’s creation in the controversial Petrostate.

A few examples of surfers’ thoughts.

Yeah! Go “surf” in a fossil fueled cess pool in the midst of a Palestinian genocide! Genocide rhymes with Ecocide! Go Kelly Slater!
How appropriate: “surfing” in a fossil fueled cess pool in Arabia during the midst of Palestinian genocide!? Kelly Slater is such an inspiration! More carbon emissions per “wave” than the 20 hour flight (first class of course) from the white trash capital of the universe (Florida — or is it California? Same thing). Oh wait – Genocide rhymes with Ecocide! Go Kelly!

Did they try and just google a place with even less available water than Lemore and say 📍 that’s the spot?

Are women allowed?

Ugh. A shame he’s doing business in that neck of the woods.

and only 45 Nepalese slave labor workers died of heat stroke building it just so Kelly can surf while avoiding the common peasants taking his waves. what a modern marvel!

And so on.

For those unpolluted by a childlike take on Middle Eastern politics, Kelly Slater demonstrated the blue-water wave to perfection. He even treated his fans to a lightly aerated chop-hop at the wave’s eventual conclusion.

Now, footage has been released of the world’s best small-wave surfer Filipe Toledo at the controversial tank.

Filipe Toledo, who is twenty-eight, has the most well-rounded small-wave attack in the world. He has completed two world title wins in three-foot waves at Lower Trestles and in three events at the Lemoore tank has been runner-up twice, and a winner in 20021.

In waves three-feet and under he is untouchable, although Fillipe Toledo’s big-wave bona fides are yet to be proved. 

Filipe Toledo amassando na nova piscina de ondas em Abu Dhabi

🎥: Baronifilms pic.twitter.com/0yKbJjcY8N

— Surf News Brasil 🌊 (@SurfNewsBrasil) November 7, 2023

"Genocide rhymes with Ecocide!"

Overnight, we saw the first video from the long anticipated Kelly Slater wave pool on Hudayriyat Island in Abu Dhabi, proclaimed by developer Modon Properties as the “longest wave pool in the world.” 

Still boyish at almost sixty and surfing as upright as a dart, Kelly Slater demonstrates the blue-water wave to perfection, even treating his fans to a little alley-oop at the wave’s eventual conclusion.

“It’s hard to believe that this thing exists,” says Kelly Slater. “We knew if somebody could build something to the best quality it would be here in this part of the world… I think we made a pretty spectacular wave here in Abu Dhabi.”

Surfers, you’d think, would be in thrall to the man-made marvel. It’s the first commercial version of the famous Kelly Slater tank and eight years since the Lemoore prototype’s spectacular debut.

Of course, surfers, inflated in ego, low in intelligence and perspective, are difficult to predict,

And to the masses who swarmed various Instagram pages and below the line on BeachGrit, the Kelly Slater pool represents a cruel absurdity, with some even linking it to Gaza’s invasion of Israel.

(The UAE ain’t afraid to loose the hounds on its brother Muslims: “The military coalition led by Saudi Arabia and the United Arab Emirates in Yemen has killed thousands of civilians in airstrikes, tortured detainees, raped civilians and used child soldiers as young as 8,” reports the NY Times.)

Yeah! Go “surf” in a fossil fueled cess pool in the midst of a Palestinian genocide! Genocide rhymes with Ecocide! Go Kelly Slater!

How appropriate: “surfing” in a fossil fueled cess pool in Arabia during the midst of Palestinian genocide!? Kelly Slater is such an inspiration! More carbon emissions per “wave” than the 20 hour flight (first class of course) from the white trash capital of the universe (Florida — or is it California? Same thing). Oh wait – Genocide rhymes with Ecocide! Go Kelly!

Did they try and just google a place with even less available water than Lemore and say 📍 that’s the spot?

Are women allowed?

I’m so fed up with hearing about all these fucking wave pools being built where either A) the location produces world class waves already on the regular by Mother Nature or B) in a location where no one cares or knows absolutely nothing about surfing in the first place. Guess I’ll either be 85 years old or dead by the time they makes surf parks more accessible like skate parks are now. For fucks sake.

Ugh. A shame he’s doing business in that neck of the woods.

and only 45 Nepalese slave labor workers died of heat stroke building it just so Kelly can surf while avoiding the common peasants taking his waves. what a modern marvel!

Elites making waves for other elites. They are destroying the oceans so they have to build these so they all have somewhere to surf. Good luck poor people…

Who the fuck wants to go surfing somewhere where you can’t smoke a joint without getting beheaded

Yeah let’s make wavepool on the desert, take the most flights possible and call us in harmony with nature 🔥 that’s radddd

The Matthew effect. Who cares about woman’s rights? Who cares about freedom of speech? Who cares about human rights? Who cares about how others are suppressed by bigotry, and patriarchy? Why care when you are filling up your pockets with millions of dollars. I have lost all respect for this guy. It’s all about their personal interest.

Dang Kelly Slater, oil money and their ‘shaka spirit’ towards women speaks to you…smh

We’re effing up this planet with nonsense crap like this. Ronaldo should go, I won’t.

I guess building pools is his gig now. This is not going to end well for his career. All of that hard work and building his reputation to throw it out for a stupid pool where Women, Gays, and the Lower class people are treated with 1400’s year old le laws. Nice going Kelly. This time you out did yourself.

Now, nobody’s shoving a muzzle under anyone’s jawbone to go, so why the envy and hatred?