The Inertia offices (pictured) terrified.
The Inertia offices (pictured) terrified.

Terror spreads at The Inertia as Surfer goes after “surf hat” market!

Night of the Living Nerd.

Rinse kits, changing mats, changing robes, technical beach chairs, technical beach wagons, pocket shakas and surf hats were once, not long ago, the sole territory of The Inertia. Yes, the “definitive voice of surfing” understood, early, that surfing was going to experience a massive adult learner invasion and quickly included guides and direction on completely unnecessary accoutrement alongside its Huffington Post-inspired milquetoast servings.

The Inertia assumed it would be safe to till these kook ass fields alone, harvesting branded post opportunities alone until, that is, the corpse of Surfer Magazine was re-animated.

You have certainly followed along as the once-proud “Bible of the Sport” was purchased by a “tech powered” media company nearly a year ago. Surfer immediately telegraphed that its zombie version had no soul, clearly, but also no clue. The first hire was a spicy food lovin’ gal who called Tennessee’s Smoky Mountains home. Some thousand-odd miles from the nearest ocean. Or Surf Ranch. A series of embarrassments followed including, most recently, spitting on the only rule of surf journalism.

The Inertia, though, still safe.

Its pasty blend of awkward and uncomfortable too fine to be replicated.

Until yesterday.

For yesterday, Surfer waded directly into the surf hat game, “product testing” what the writer declared as the “The BEST surf hat… ever??”

Double barreled question marks certainly signaling more to come.

The Solite surf hat was, anyhow, described thusly:

This hat ticks all boxes with comfort, functionality and high quality material. The mesh ear flaps did not obscure my hearing and the chin strap was pretty comfortable for the most part and never came loose. And I found the adjustable straps quite user friendly.

Wearing the visor backward when paddling back out felt like I didn’t even have it on my head when duck diving.

Negatives: for me, none really. I guess if I could say one thing it would be to lengthen the bill about an inch if possible but still good as is.

A fine review, no doubt, but also terror rippling through The Inertia’s Boulder, Colorado headquarters. Surfer in the surf hat games means rinse kits, changing mats, changing robes and even pocket shakas are next. The completely uninformed certainly choosing to listen to the august Surfer over The Inertia, no?

Will The Inertia offer a fire sale on its co-branded content? Might we be able to purchase a BeachGrit car air freshener review for pennies on the dollar?

Reaching out now.

Stay tuned.

In the meantime, please buy a BeachGrit car air freshener. It “brings the anti-depressive smell of BeachGrit into your car, office or home.

0 0 votes
Article Rating
Subscribe
Notify of
guest
28 Comments
Newest
Oldest Most Voted
ricmatic
ricmatic
2 years ago

Is Griffs middle name ted? Just askin.

Cuntry Singer
Cuntry Singer
2 years ago

The Secret.

tim_nelsen
tim_nelsen
2 years ago

mega acme~air freshener?

https://geeksofdoom.com/GoD…

7dollarsurfboard
7dollarsurfboard
2 years ago

Dont you know that anything practical, convenient or saves time/money is strictly reserved for kooks.

tim_nelsen
tim_nelsen
2 years ago

used bar of sex wax?

Cuntry Singer
Cuntry Singer
2 years ago

https://uploads.disquscdn.c…

We can do better.

Seaman Staines
Seaman Staines
2 years ago

Surf hat wearer here. It works, I don’t look cool but I’ve already managed to get a wife.

JoJo the Dog Faced Boy
JoJo the Dog Faced Boy
2 years ago
Reply to  Seaman Staines

Is THE Seaman Staines? Asking for a pal.

Pauly Matt War-Shore
Pauly Matt War-Shore
2 years ago
Reply to  Seaman Staines

The wife won’t stop you getting dropped in on.

K55
K55
2 years ago

I have some, some-what good memories of flipping through the pages of Surfer magazine way back—before they started naming spots and selling out.

But the Inertia doesn’t have to worry, as I don’t think it’s humanly possible for anyone to sink to the lows the Inertia staff has, as far as selling their surfing souls, by advertising just about anything under the sun to make a buck, to fawning over so-called-pros to get some web hits.
From Zac, to Haro, to Cranberry, to da new guys, pathetic bunch over there..

Stick man
Stick man
2 years ago

He suffers PTSD from his one-time stint being editor at ING.

tim_nelsen
tim_nelsen
2 years ago
Reply to  Stick man

kolohe got a turd in SC Cold O’Neill 4X$

Com Turren
Com Turren
2 years ago

I don’t usually stump for any gear whatsoever, but the FCS bucket surf hat and the local surf shop that sold it to me saved my pasty white visage in Costa Rica a handful of years back when no amount of sunscreen application/reapplication was working, and my face and neck had already turned into a turnip.

Picard Madeoff
Picard Madeoff
2 years ago

Can I confess that I, having grown tired of my burned bald spot, tried three different surf hats until I found one that worked. Actually, none of them worked so I went with a trucker hat and a hat leash…

Mapski
Mapski
2 years ago

Is there a 400$ Florence Marine X version ?

The Bitchy Crab
The Bitchy Crab
2 years ago
Reply to  Mapski

The Florence chador! https://florencemarinex.com…

The Bitchy Crab
The Bitchy Crab
2 years ago

Subsequently copied by Billabong et al. https://www.billabong.com.a…

Trev
Trev
2 years ago

But I think Florence copied Patagonia and Dakine 🤷‍♂️.
Good bit of gear either way.

c4
c4
2 years ago

Lately it seems like he’s the only one that cares about a lot of things he writes.

Dogsnuts
Dogsnuts
2 years ago

Skin cancer is very real. Even realer than being cool.
Xox

Chas Smith
Chas Smith
2 years ago
Reply to  Dogsnuts

I’m a survivor! Cut right out.

tim_nelsen
tim_nelsen
2 years ago
Reply to  Chas Smith

inuitpro removed the tax? we’re squamous celled. blonde and rich…NoShore has too much sand…Catepillar’s or Kyotos?

translation: had a growth on shoulder. waited years before having it checked. diagnosis: basal cell carcinoma. 2cm in diameter. Dermo removed it for $200 cash. Told me to come back with more cash ’cause need to carve out another 20 cms. lab results on biopsy were sent to Dr and I requested a copy. paid the lab directly in Colorado. $80. “potential to spread…” Drs office calls me 20+ times wanting reschedule. all go to voice mail. Meanwhile I’m researching topical cremes that are expensive and by presciption only. I find an online alternative and they ship me this stuff, Aldara, from Greece…apply for a couple of months and wait. One year later…no new growth. but here’s where it gets weird. Colorado calls and wants all my personal info, credit, life history, etc. I tell the lady the check is in the mail. I paid…The intent was that they knew i’d be going back indefinitely to derma and were laying out a money pipeline for assuming I’d get treatment after treatment after treatment. Prior to the actual removal, I asked the entire waiting room if they were regulars? ALL of ’em were; some for decades. So with that said, maybe I’m lucky…but am very skeptical of the medical industrial complex, as well as The Joe Dispenze Rinse&Wash Therapy Retreat. That’s All Folks!

East of the 5
East of the 5
2 years ago

Barrel or Nah: wearing a “surf hat?”
Barrel or Nah: ripping key snappers in the parking lot before paddling out?
Barrel or Nah: ringing up organic grapes as ordinary grapes at the Vons self checkout?
Barrel or Nah: showing your 7 year old Surfline cam rewinds and telling him someday he’ll surf like me when we all know it’s not me but some B-level pro in the footage?

Chas Smith
Chas Smith
2 years ago
Reply to  East of the 5

Nah, barrel, barrel, nah.

Picard Madeoff
Picard Madeoff
2 years ago
Reply to  Chas Smith

Barrel on non-surf surf hat as not all of us are blessed with a full head of Farrah Fawcett level hair like Chas…

Chas Smith
Chas Smith
2 years ago
Reply to  Picard Madeoff

Early day haters said I was going bald. Look at the egg on their faces now!

Pauly Matt War-Shore
Pauly Matt War-Shore
2 years ago
Reply to  Chas Smith

Not going bald is the finest accomplishment that a man can achieve.

Picard Madeoff
Picard Madeoff
2 years ago
Reply to  Chas Smith

You are pretty! About 20 years ago a hater(my mother) asked me what I was doing about the slowly thinning top of my head. I told her to fuck off as I’m married and if I go bald so be it knowing if she dumps me I can always attract shallow women with a Porsche…of course with the always cool surfboard rack.


28
0
Would love your thoughts, please comment.x
()
x