“This would be like having the tour players play Putt Putt to see who’s in the majors.”

The last time Koa Smith was on these pages was one year ago, extolling the virtues of charismatic faith healer Joe Spinoza.

The three-time NSSA champ, runner-up to Zeke Lau’s Ultimate Surfer and prized fashion model said he witnessed, first hand, own eyes, the miracle of the lame and crippled being gifted back the use of their legs, the sorta thing last seen in a pretty little town called Lourdes in the Pyrenees and, previously, when the noted Jewish preacher Jesus Christ put the paralysed back on their feet in the ancient Jewish provinces of Galilee and Judea.

“I saw people getting up out of wheel chairs. I saw canes in the trash and people cracking their hearts wide open and feeling true love for themselves!” claimed Smith. 

Today, Koa Smith, who is twenty-eight, has slam dunked the WSL’s new Challenger Series with a withering put-down on the WSL’s own Instagram page. 

The best surfer in the world should master all surfing elements.

Going to respectfully drop in here and paint a dream.

What if the challenger series offered an opportunity for the next generation of the sport to shine and show there worthiness in different aspects of surfing. So when they get to the CT they are ready!

Creating a well balanced schedule at consistent beach breaks. Point breaks lefts and right and a wave of consequence.

Exciting surfing, better waves, more views, more sponsors, better surfers!

Like collage football vs. NFL Same field younger players.

Or if golf is an example this would be like having the tour players play Putt Putt to see who’s in the majors.

After a little to and froing in the comment, Koa Smith laid out his dream tour.

1. Krui (left point)
2. Nias (right barrel or right point when it’s small)
3. Huntington Beach (beach breaks)
4. El Salvador (right point)
5. Haleiwa

You like?

As for the new Challenger Series, former tour surfer Davey Cathels responded simply, “Jesus Christ.”

A new joint in town to lay down the Hebrew Hammer!

While it isn’t the greatest time to visit to taste the exquisite fruits of the most progressive city in the whole of the Middle East, bombs aimed at it from five different enemies mean you gotta keep your head down, the opening of a wave pool there has made it a must-visit when the noise dies down, which it will. 

In Tel Aviv, and unlike Jerusalem a couple of hours drive away, there are no heavy vibes, religion is kept at arm’s length, mostly, along a promenade that runs along the ocean-front you’ll find 12 clicks of sometimes very good beachbreaks, jetties and reef, and now, on the outskirts of town, is a new Wavegarden tank.

There isn’t anything particularly special about this tank, but if you were ever thinking about a surf trip where the food, gals and hospitality are world-class, and you still get to wave your board around, think: Tel Aviv. 

It’ll be an eye opener for the Yay Palestine crowd. Where are the blood-thirsty hook-nosed Yahuds? Where is the so-called genocide?

 

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I’m not a believer in cultural relativism and, therefore, throw my lot in with the brave Jew, in with the country that has produced six Nobel Prize-winning scientists since 2002, with its world-leading solar energy and space programs, cutting-edge stem-cell research, three of the most prestigious universities in the world, a country for whom equal rights between men and women is a no-brainer, where homosexuals don’t live in fear of murder or imprisonment. 

Read “Israel is the raddest surf trip on Earth!”, “What the Gudauskas Brothers got wrong about Israel”, “Let’s go schlepping, surfing gets into the 2021 Jewish Olympics!”, “Ozzie Wright sings King of the Jews!”, Movie: “The Hebrew Hammer!”.

Pre-sales for the pool close December 31 and the joint opens in March 2025.

And speaking of Jews, do you remember when Dane Reynolds groomed Eithan Osborne into becoming into a Hebrew Olympian? Oy vey! 

Ozzie Wright and Otis Carey had a helluva time there years back too!

Camping shoes, man surf boots and binoculars – Christmas gifts with spite!

Time to hate that surfer in your life. But how to find the perfect gift to spite him or her? Holiday gift guides on popular surf websites is where. And let us begin with The Inertia. This wildly controversial surf website suggests the surfer in your life will hate a dry robe. Nothing kills a pre-session amp up more than having to change to biting cold weather.

Thankfully, you never have to experience that bone-chilling feeling again with Dryrobe’s Advanced Long Sleeve. The surfer in your life that you hate the most will look like an absolute fool in their changing robe.

Foolish and laughable.

On next, you can give the surfer you hate in your life a timely, hateable gift. This is the Vans Surf Boot V2 High.

What is more hateable right now than Vans Triple Crown of Surfing? Also part of the wake of their destruction features the Pipeline Masters, the once important event now an old relic that nobody cares about. My how times change. Vans, the hammer of evil. Get that surfer you hate in your life some man’s surf boots.

Moving on, The Inertia suggests you get the Teva Re-Ember slip-on shoe for the surfer that you hate. This shoe is one of the ugliest things I’ve ever seen in my entire life. The surfer in your life will look like an ass as they’re walking down the street. They will look like an ass when they’re in line at the grocery store. Really dig the knife in that surfer you hate with these ones.

Last, is a pair of binoculars. Nothing is as pointless or as annoying on Christmas morning, Hanukkah Eve, Diwali afternoon, than to open up a pair of binoculars. They’re worthless in the best of times and absolutely junk for a surfer.

Is a surfer in your life going to go down to Swamis, out at Lowers and get those binocs out? You know what they’ll look like?

A foolish ass.