Camping shoes, man surf boots and binoculars – Christmas gifts with spite!
Time to hate that surfer in your life. But how to find the perfect gift to spite him or her? Holiday gift guides on popular surf websites is where. And let us begin with The Inertia. This wildly controversial surf website suggests the surfer in your life will hate a dry robe. Nothing kills a pre-session amp up more than having to change to biting cold weather.
Thankfully, you never have to experience that bone-chilling feeling again with Dryrobe’s Advanced Long Sleeve. The surfer in your life that you hate the most will look like an absolute fool in their changing robe.
Foolish and laughable.
What is more hateable right now than Vans Triple Crown of Surfing? Also part of the wake of their destruction features the Pipeline Masters, the once important event now an old relic that nobody cares about. My how times change. Vans, the hammer of evil. Get that surfer you hate in your life some man’s surf boots.
Moving on, The Inertia suggests you get the Teva Re-Ember slip-on shoe for the surfer that you hate. This shoe is one of the ugliest things I’ve ever seen in my entire life. The surfer in your life will look like an ass as they’re walking down the street. They will look like an ass when they’re in line at the grocery store. Really dig the knife in that surfer you hate with these ones.
Last, is a pair of binoculars. Nothing is as pointless or as annoying on Christmas morning, Hanukkah Eve, Diwali afternoon, than to open up a pair of binoculars. They’re worthless in the best of times and absolutely junk for a surfer.
Is a surfer in your life going to go down to Swamis, out at Lowers and get those binocs out? You know what they’ll look like?
A foolish ass.
The accompanying pictures will make the next reincarnation of this article far more informative
I might suggest the scarf Chas is sporting for the auto-erotic asphyxiation surfer in your life.
This really is a retirement home dream shoe cupboard. Rad slipper quiver.
Their Senior Gear Editor working on his target audience.
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Binoculars kick ass
Mmmm. Technically they refract light in a manner to which our human eyes perceive an enlargement of the viewed image.
But ok. We can also accept your metaphorical violence as an alternative explanation.
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https://uploads.disquscdn.c… Slap the Twat.. 5$ a crack. Best xmas present ever.
Black Friday Sale!
All old stock must go! https://uploads.disquscdn.c… https://uploads.disquscdn.c… https://uploads.disquscdn.c… https://uploads.disquscdn.c… https://uploads.disquscdn.c… https://uploads.disquscdn.c… https://uploads.disquscdn.c… https://uploads.disquscdn.c… https://uploads.disquscdn.c… https://uploads.disquscdn.c… https://uploads.disquscdn.c… https://uploads.disquscdn.c…
Beach Grit’s own Warshaw of Hurluley
Plenty of great gift ideas!
Those Hurluley Wellington boots would look perfect on Chas.
Some great ideas!
Top Tip:
Instead of purchasing a pair of expensive binoculars, simply stand closer to the object you wish to view.
(Viz Magazine, 1989)
https://media0.giphy.com/me…
Gifts to give someone you hate:
Stab premium membership
Changing poncho
SUP foil board
Catch Surf clothing
GoPro board-mounted camera
WSL hat
Pit Viper sunglasses
Hurley golf shirt
Wavestorm 8’0″
You forgot to include a link to Beach Grit.
Really a BG anthem, that song.
I’ve traditionally used an empty water bottle to rinse off post surf. It works very well, I can fill it with really hot water in my sink at home and it stays nice and hot when I get out. Always have enough water to rinse the sand off my feet too.
However I don’t like how I’m missing another opportunity to show that I am an affluent professional but also an outdoorsman. Is there anything that I can buy that can fix my problem?
A Surfline Man model Mercedes Sprinter van should do the trick. Comes in a full array of pastel colors.
Surf for ‘bout an hour / now you want a golden shower
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Chas:”This shoe is one of the ugliest things I’ve ever seen”
while wearing these https://uploads.disquscdn.c…
Botegga Veneta!
You are truly an idiot for owning $1500 Crocs.
saw these travesties in the wild the other day…
https://www.citybeach.com/nz/heydude-wally-canvas-shoes/20384319-01.html
One of each on the way to Charles from all of us at BG.
A Hypto Crypto belongs on this list
True but have you ever ridden one.
No, though I have a Stamps board that has a similar shape that Tim was shaping long before the Hypto Crypto was a thing. Pretty fun little groveller.
For BG readers they should recommend a border wall replica and tactical patriot hearing aids.
Along with some battlevision sunglasses, whose patented polarized lenses allow you to see through all the liberal bs you read online.
Respectfully disagree on binoculars. The pair I had in the Tarago came in very handy at the top of the rocks when the chick did naked yoga in the golden morning sun a ways away on the hard packed sand before the shorebreak. Amazing.
Must have been difficult to rub one off while holding the binoculars still
I’m not German so wanking in a wetsuit is well beyond my capabilities.