Ivanka Trump giving the right-leaning news what it wants. Photo: Instagram
Ivanka Trump giving the right-leaning news what it wants. Photo: Instagram

First daughter-elect Ivanka Trump gives right leaning media the “surfing eye candy” it is gagging for

Aoooogah, aooooogah!

Only just yesterday, Fox News host Jesse Watters was decrying the fact that there is not more right-leaning female “eye candy” out there what with Kelly Slater confidant RFK Jr. sucking the oxygen out of the room what with a variety of shirtless selfies and sultry shower videos.

Watters, sitting as part of a panel discussion, burnished his heterosexual bonafides by declaring, “I just think it’s unfair that you had to get to see this (RFK Jr. being hot) and we don’t get to see any of the female members of the cabinet. I’d like to see maybe Linda McMahon doing yoga. Tulsi surfing? Charlie and I need to see some eye candy too.”

While Gabbard did not immediately grant his wish nor Linda McMahon, who is near 80, the 46-year-old father of four did not have to wait long for some oculus confection. First daughter-elect Ivanka Trump, continuing a proud tradition of participating in surf-adjacency, hopped on a FlowRider and put on a show.

The Hindustan Times describing thusly:

The 43-year-old was seen holding onto a rope while balancing on a yellow surfboard in her video, which was later reposted on the social media platform by a fan page. Ivanka, who was a former advisor to the future president, stunned in a tight swimwear, defying the social norms as a mother of three.

Aoooogah, aooooogah!

I, myself, have FlowRidden once in my life. It was in Dubai some two decades ago, and the operators of the standing wave told my friends and I that we were not allowed to stand up. We told them that we were almost famous surf explorers, having just completed the first ever surf exploration of Yemen’s coast, and knew what we were doing. They relented and I recall quickly becoming sucked over the falls and slammed upon the bottom.

Defying social norms.

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Jamie O'Brien, too old, and Jeff Spicoli, stoned!
Jamie O'Brien, back in the diminished Pipe Masters, and Jeff Spicoli, with Vans Old School slip on.

Reverberations from dumbed-down Vans Pipe Masters continue to shake Hawaiian surf community

"Eligibility depends more on social media influence than on true merit and earned accomplishments."

It might be difficult for the adult learner, those who’ve come into surfing in the past few years, to believe but it wasn’t that long ago when Oahu’s North Shore was where everything that mattered in surf happened.

The contests, the magazines, the interviews, were a build-up to the mighty Triple Crown, awarded to the surfer who dominated the three North Shore events, Haleiwa, Sunset and Pipe. It was regarded as even more prestigious than a world title.

Sunny Garcia five of ’em, John John four, Andy Irons, four, Parko three, Kelly Slater three.

In 2024, a Pipe Masters is an invitation-only event, with preference given to Vans surfers, and the Triple Crown, which went digital during Covid, now goes to the surfer who sends in the best clips from the three marquee waves.

Two weeks back, Jamie O’Brien, born and bred at Pipeline, was told by Vans he was too old to make the invite list despite being in the top three surfers at Pipe. After a public outcry, Jamie was taken off the bench although reverberations from the decision continue to shake the Hawaiian surf community.

Real talk: he is old but age ain’t gonna weary the great James Duncan O’Brien.

Earlier today, North Shore shredder Shayden Pacarro penned an impassioned cri de coeur about the state of play on the North Shore.

As a surfer from Hawaii, participating in surf contests feels pointless without the prestigious Triple Crown of Surfing, a Pipeline Pro title, or qualifications for the Pipe Masters, along with sufficient rewards to support ourselves and our families. We can’t represent Hawaii in the Olympic Games but yet we are not apart of the North American region. We are the Hawaii/Tahiti region. It feels as if our rights to surfing has been stripped away! It seems as if everywhere else in the world has more opportunities, points and incentives than we do. How can it be that the “mecca” and birthplace of surfing has become the smallest arena in competitive surfing? For the very little events that are still alive in Hawaii, how can we secure a live broadcast? @wsl @wsl.qs That feels like a harsh reality check for us. The less we vocalize our concerns, the more they seem to take away from us.

 

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A post shared by Shayden Pacarro (@shaydo.p)

How can you secure an invitation to the newly revamped Vans Pipe Masters, which actually offers significant payment? Honestly, it’s quite unclear and remains a significant grey area. There isn’t a legitimate ranking or point system in place, no established hierarchy, and no seniority to consider. Eligibility appears to depend more on social media influence than on true merit and earned accomplishments. They say you should dedicate time at the Pipe to earn your place in the lineup, but from what I’ve seen, some of the most legendary Pipe surfers, who have scored numerous 10-point rides and pipe titles aren’t even on the invite list. These unclear determinations reflect a lack of class and undermine the integrity of surfing, as well as those who genuinely deserve to be part of its legendary history.  Pipeline: It’s not just about the money; it’s about the invaluable honor of riding one of the world’s most treacherous waves alongside only three other surfers, a special brotherhood. This privilege should be reserved for those who have demonstrated dedication and commitment over time.

Jamie O’Brien, Shane Dorian, Zeke Lau, Josh Moniz, Andy’s widow Lyndie, all dived into the comments to underscore Shayden’s message.

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Jesse Watters (insert) checking out Gabbard's goods. Photo: YouTube
Jesse Watters (insert) checking out Gabbard's goods. Photo: YouTube

Fox News host Jesse Watters begs for more Tulsi Gabbard surf footage: “I need some eye candy too!”

Hubba hubba!

Donald J. Trump has now been president-elect for almost one month and what an almost one month it has been. Tariff threats roiling markets, date nights with Elon Musk and cabinet picks that the left finds “troubling.” One of the early stars, of course, is Hawaii’s Tulsi Gabbard who Trump has tapped to lead the Department of National Intelligence.

The 43-year-old, a lieutenant colonel in the Army Reserve, was once a democratic congresswoman though left the party in 2022, describing it as, “under the complete control of an elitist cabal of warmongers.”

Though she was proven wrong, yesterday, by President Joe Biden’s populist and peaceful pardon of his son Hunter, Gabbard will soon be behind the levers of America’s spy machine, pending confirmation of course.

Jesse Watters, popular Fox News host who replaced Tucker Carlson on the network, is very excitado by the prospect of four Gabbard years though wants to see… more. Speaking to a panel, the raven-haired Watters became lightly frustrated that there were so many thirst trap posts of Trump’s heath czar RFK Jr. making the rounds but far fewer of the women in Trump’s orbit.

“I just think it’s unfair that you had to get to see this and we don’t get to see any of the female members of the cabinet,” Watters sighed. “I’d like to see maybe Linda McMahon doing yoga. Tulsi surfing? Charlie and I need to see some eye candy too.”

Linda McMahon, Trump’s pick to lead the Department of Education, is 76-years-young.

And while not new, Watters can enjoy this Gabbard surfing clip from three years ago.

I would warn him off re-visiting Gabbard’s The Inertia address, though.

Nothing cools the engines quite like Zach Weisberg and co.

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Hunky surf instructor Armando Perez (pictured) ghosting Ellie Goulding.
Hunky surf instructor Armando Perez (pictured) ghosting Ellie Goulding.

Surf instructor blasted for doing chanteuse Ellie Goulding dirty

"This next song is about when somebody gets scared when someone goes too deep and they kind of back off and it's like you've been ghosted."

The rise of the surf instructor will certainly be one of 2024’s defining marks as this year of the wood dragon draws to a close. Yes, it is wild to think we have less than thirty days until the beginning of 2025, which will be filled with its very own storylines, but we are not there yet and so back to surf instructors we go.

Folk continued the learn-to-surf craze, first popularized in 2020, hiring many and varied surf instructors across the globe, industry legends like Jamie O’Brien got into the game, launching eponymous learn-to-surf schools and famous chanteuses fell head over heels in love with hunky instructors.

Hot for teacher.

But all daisies and tulips?

Maybe not, according to English singer/songwriter Ellie Goulding. The 37-year-old was recently playing a show in Austria when she declared, “This next song is about when somebody gets scared when someone goes too deep and they kind of back off and it’s like you’ve been ghosted. Has anyone been ghosted? Who has been ghosted? What the [expletive]. Sorry for the kids! I’m so sorry, What the duck, which is what I say around my child. What the ducking duck. So this song is more relevant than ever.”

Attention immediately turned to the Costa Rican surf instructor hunk Armando Perez who had been linked to Goulding for months.

It must also be noted that Perez taught surfing to Shakira as well.

Anyhow, the toothsome twenty-something apparently stopped returning texts and calls though still appears to be open for business, as it were. His website reading:

Hello my name is Armando and I have been surfing since I was a child. The waves of Playa Hermosa are my home and I am a very good host. As a surf instructor I will lead you step by step to the line-up and guarantee you at least one “wave of the day”. Together we read the sea until you understand it for yourself.

(Book here).

Back to the question at hand, though, has anyone, here, been ghosted?

Who has been ghosted?

Anyone?

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Jeffreys Bay rocked by racism claims.
Real crispy line at J-Bay.

Racism claim and counter-claim rocks tight surf community at South Africa’s Jeffreys Bay

“He claims I threatened to slit the throats of white children and said, ‘The night of the long knives is coming.’”

The pretty surf town of Jeffreys Bay, just off the N2 Highway, 75 clicks southwest of Port Elizabeth there, has long played hard in the imaginations of surfers. 

The long, not-so-heavy but challenging enough. righthand point has hauled in some of the greatest performances in surfing history: Tom Curren’s second-ever war there, as featured in Sonny Miller’s 1993 film Searching for Tom Curren, Filipe Toledo’s double-oop in 2018, Andy Irons, Kelly Slater, Occy, Mikey February, Stephanie Gilmore, all of ‘em painting gorgeous timeless lines. 

The J-Bay Open was a regular fixture on the tour from the eighties until 2023 when it was abruptly pulled from the tour following Jamie Curries’s devastating claim the contest had killed pro surfing and that it was an “an endless drone of punditry, empty statistics, half-remembered anecdotes apropos of not very much, tales of waves that were, been and gone and meaningless.”

Jeffreys Bay has again come under the microscope after a black surfer claimed he was told to fuck off and called what is euphemistically referred to as the K-word, a wildly offensive racial slur that has deep roots in South Africa’s apartheid history. 

Rasool Hendricks, forty-nine, said him and his pal were about to hit Supertubes back in March when, they allege, local guest house operator and J-Bay shredder Remi Petersen told ‘em to beat it and allegedly used the ol K-word. 

“I struggled to understand why he wanted to keep me out of the waves,” Hendricks told the local press. “We are acquainted, he knows I surf in Jeffreys Bay all the time, and I was very surprised when he and some other surfers approached us and told us to leave. The matter escalated and an argument ensued. At one state, they tried to grab out surfboards. Then Remi (allegedly) called me a k**** and told me to fuck off and go back to the location. The whole thing was quite upsetting.” 

Hendricks said he wrote a letter and thought about sending it to the Human Rights Commission. It then went up on a chat group where “other surfers of colour” were asked for their opinion. 

And, here’s the twist. 

“I thought the whole thing was behind us, but then I got a phone call that I needed to appear in court in Humansdorp,” says Hendricks. “When I arrived Remi was there with an attorney and an advocate and I heard he was applying for a protection order against me. He claims I threatened to slit the throats of white children and told him, ‘The night of the long knives is coming.’” 

Back in 2013, photos appeared of a man, allegedly Rasool Hendricks, baptising an Australian surfer in the water.

“When asked if he was indeed the surfer depicted in photographs dunking another surfer, Rasool Hendricks told the Cape Times: “The whole thing was a joke. It was pure speculation.”

On a different post about the same alleged baptism, one commenter wrote:

There is no place for violence in the surf, not of this nature. Opinions about localism are mostly a grey area, but putting someone in headlock and almost choking them out while in the water is, legally speaking, assault with intent to cause grievous bodily harm. It is typically punishable by 3 to 10 years prison sentence.

Regardless of whether the victim presses charges or not, I think it is our duty as a surf community to make it known to him that his behaviour is unacceptable and that he is unwelcome to share the water with us. By this I don’t mean lowering ourselves to his level of personal violence, but there are many ways to skin a cat, as the saying goes.

Furthermore, I’ve also heard from many friends within the surfing community, and have personally seen him being verbally abusive and disrespectful to everyone in the water, regardless of sex or age. 

Allegedly, allegedly, allegedly. Sheeeeesh.

So, anyway, Hendricks lawyers up, applies for a counter protection order and, not real sure why, but the World Surf League has sent their regional director Tasha Mentasti to monitor court proceedings.

“Once the matter has been finalised in court, we will make a decision on possible further steps for the good of the sport,” Mentasti told The Herald.

Further steps unspecified.

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