"This is not about whether children can access social media. It is about whether and when social media can access our children."
Not one month ago, the world learned of the horrors currently being lived through by young Australian surf prodigies. Last year, they were living, laughing, loving and posting their prodigious talents on to social media for all to see. Then, and overnight, the country voted to restrict access to the various Instagrams, TikToks and Facebooks for those under the age of sixteen and, like that, accounts were disappeared.
Li’l Shazza and Robbo left completely barren, their mumagers and dadagers frustrated.
Well, li’l Helga and Johann might be next with the European Union eyeing a similar ban.
EU Commission president Ursula von der Leyen declared in a press conference, after yet another damning report was released on social media’s affect on littles, “It is clear we need age-appropriate restrictions to platforms. This is not about whether children can access social media. It is about whether and when social media can access our children.”
Young European surfers maybe rightly confused by the last bit. Still ok to post just no DMs?
The damning report, anyhow, authored by child psychologist Dr. Jörg M. Fegert and epidemiologist Dr. Maria Melchior, revealed that European kids now spend between four and six hours, per day, on social media which has led to “socio-emotional development and susceptibility to mental health issues… [resulting in] sleep and concentration problems, and increased rates of depression and anxiety.”
Young American surfers also worry as some declare a European ban would represent a “tipping point” and, like cigarettes and booze, social media would be ripped from their patriotic hands as well.
Hard days, in any case.