Eerything is photographed with insight and splendour. Pictured, commercial lure Joel Parkinson.

Fallen surf giant Billabong releases full-length film on the same day #1 rider Griffin Colapinto defects to arch-rival Quiksilver!

Derek Rielly

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Joel Parkinson may be the commercial lure, but although he infuses the narrative with a certain glamor, he is only one cog in a perfect wheel.

The surfing company Billabong has loosed a meticulously directed and gorgeously photographed full-length surf film on the very same day their number one team rider announced he’d signed with one-time arch rival Quiksilver.

“When you evolve your personality, you evolve your reality and Quiksilver is now a part of my personality,” said the bewitching natural-footer from San Clemente.

Readers will know, of course, that both companies fell on their swords years ago after flying too close to the sun, and are now the playthings of Oaktree Capital, an American global asset management firm or were until their rumoured recent sale to Authentic Brands Group.

The movie, which you can watch below, stars the remnants of the Billabong surf team, Joel Parkinson, Creed McTaggart, Eithan Osborne, Jai Glindeman, Dakoda Walters and Kian Martin.

Joel Parkinson may be the commercial lure, but although he infuses the narrative with a certain glamor, he is only one cog in a perfect wheel.

Essential.

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“Very, very sketchy… (Because of) foam couldn’t sense direction or see if sets were approaching and just hearing five surfers died in Netherlands last year getting stuck in foam! What a spookfest!”

Grave fears held for brother of US Surf Olympian Nathan Florence and teenage boy after attempted paddle-out in conditions that killed five Dutch surfers! “Rescue would have been near impossible!”

Derek Rielly

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"Stuck in down-drafts of boils in the water felt like it wanted to pull you down below!"

Four months ago, Nathan Florence, a man previously described as “extremely intelligent and extremely capable”, scored the wave of the year at a remote Sumatran reef, making the point there’s more than one star in the Florence family.

 

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A post shared by Nathan Florence (@nathan_florence)

In the latest instalment of his excellent YouTube series, however, Florence had spectators fearing the worst after he and his seventeen-year-old Scottish pal paddled out a wave Florence himself describes as “very, very sketchy… (Because of) foam couldn’t sense direction or see if sets were approaching and just hearing five surfers died in Netherlands last year getting stuck in foam! What a spookfest! Stuck in down-drafts of boils in the water felt like it wanted to pull you down below while you paddled, meanwhile large sets approaching. All in all not a safe session …rescue would have been near impossible if injury was sustained.”

Harrowing!

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“Stick your cock up her ass, you motherfucking worthless cocksucker.”

Hawaii’s outrageous Queen of Crazy Mason Ho divides internet with schlock horror edit, “Your mother sucks c**ks in Hell, you faithless slime!”

Derek Rielly

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A blazing labyrinth from which there is no escape!

Mason Ho is a pert, trim man in his thirties with oriental cheekbones sweeping down to a rosebud mouth. He is handsome as are 99.9 percent of Americans born in Hawaii to mixed heritage.

(A little background: Mason’s daddy Mike Ho is of Chinese-Hawaiian-American heritage, daddy pure Chinese, grand mammy pure Hawaiian. Mason’s mama Brian is a Caucasian American.)

In this latest episode of Mason’s adventures at the Waco tank, delivered to celebrate All Hallow’s Day, happy Mason is presented with a diabolical snarl.

A time of excitement and pleasure.

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"He warned me it was the one place he’d ever been knocked unconscious underwater by the reef.”

Hawaiian surf great John John Florence almost dies alone at notorious European big-wave spot following blow to the head, “He woke up underwater!”

Derek Rielly

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"Fascinating, compulsive, horrifying!"

The middle brother of the storied Florence triumvirate, the Only Fans superstar Nathan, has revealed the near-death of his older brother Johnny at a Portuguese wave called Sete Bafos aka the Cave.

Like most slabs, the joint, which is accessed via a little dirt road north of the soft right Ribeira d’Ilhas, was pioneered by bodyboarders before a few surfers threw on helmets and figured it out.

“Heads of rocks stick out of the water right in the line you’ve gotta take to to make it. You never know what to expect out there — the ride of your life or a ticket to hell,” says German-Portuguese surfer Nic Von Rupp. “Many surfers have broken backs out there.”

In this new video from Nathan Florence’s YouTube channel, an otherwise gorgeous travelogue of Nathan’s trip to Portugal with his girl and filmed in such high definition you can almost make out his heady gristle, Nathan reveals how his brother warned him of the wave’s myriad dangers.

“The Cave is the most notorious wave in Portugal, mainly due to the amount of accidents here,” says Nathan. “Really bad injuries…broken backs… (people) knocked unconscious. My brother John said he was knocked unconscious here surfing alone…he definitely warned me the wave is gnarly and it was the one place he’d ever been knocked unconscious underwater by the reef.”

Not your usual cocktail and orgasm short! All rock and cock!

 

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Baby ocean vibes amid ambitious new development!

Brazilian real estate developer pulls curtain back on ambitious new wave pool surfers are calling “the most high-performance wave on earth!”

Derek Rielly

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"I defy you to watch this video and come away with a mind unchanged."

For a million dollars or thereabouts, well-heeled surfers can buy their way into a private community built around a wave pool surfers are calling the “most high-performance wave in the world.”

The Brazilian developer of Boa Vista Village, a planned community one-and-a-half hours from the madness of the twelve million souls living in São Paulo, has just pulled back the curtain on its American Wave Machines tank that sits in the middle of three residential towers named Malibu, Laguna and Pebble.

It’s real big, six acres or twice the size of the fabled Waco tank, there’s a double air section (“The Double Shot”) and every sorta configuration you can imagine, and plenty you’d never thought of beyond wildest dreams etc.

American Wave Machines call it their most ambitious build, yet.

The wave at six minutes is ridiculous.

In?

Buy here, although it could be a bit of a zoo by the looks of the drawings. 

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Photo: Steve Sherman/@tsherms
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