“If you eat shit on a good wave, that good wave becomes a shit wave.”
The rural idyll of former world number four surfer Dane Reynolds was broken two years ago when reality TV stars Travis Baker and Kourtney Kardashian moved in alongside his Martha Stewart inspired barn house.
Travis Barker was the little drummer boy in Blink 182, a kinetic jack-in-the-box festooned with elaborate tattoos. The reality television series Meet the Barkers ran for two seasons in 2005 and 2006 and followed the travails of Travis, his then wife the former Miss New York and Playboy Playmate Shanna Moakler, and their two kids, Alabama and Landon.)
Kourtney Kardashian is the eldest daughter of Robert Kardashian, the legal gun who got OJ Simpson off an impossible to defend double-murder charge, and whose big sister is Kim Kardashian, a former POV porn star who was once married to the eccentric chanteur Kanye West.
In his latest instalment for Chapter 11 TV, which is woefully undersubscribed given the quality of the deliveries, we are gifted a wipeout reel from in andaround Carpinteria and starring Josiah Amico and Tommy Mckeown.
“If you eat shit on a good wave, that good wave becomes a shit wave,” writes Dane Reynolds. Midway through we put in a tribute clip to Harry Bryant’s film “Motel Hell Namibia Section” by Dave Fox,” adds Dane. “No milk involved.”
Unmissable.
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"Caity Simmers is mesmerizing to watch. A round of applause to Miss Caity Simmers!"
“Youth inferno” Caity Simmers lays fresh claim to title of best female surfer in the world with jaw-dropping B-sides edit
"Caity Simmers is the most talented woman surfer ever. Not many surfers, men or women, would pull half the barrels she did on this trip."
Only four months ago, the San Clemente (sharks!) teenager Caity Simmers and Australian Molly Picklum delivered the best performance ever by the gals at Pipe, with Caity beating hall-of-fame performer Picklum in perfect four-to-six-foot waves.
“Pipeline for the fucking girls,” said Caity Simmers, in the immediate aftermath of her win. “I respect everyone who wants a part of it and I respect anyone who doesn’t want a part of it.”
Caity Simmers showed how quickly generational change was happening there previous year in Tahiti when she, and Caroline Marks, dominated the Tahiti Pro as Stephanie Gilmore “showed little interest in being there.”
Setting it up, Caity takes off from deep. The wave sections ahead of her, but she smoothly bottom turns around it. Remember now, she’s surfing backside. Caity throws a quick midface turn to line up the barrel. Then she grabs rail and pulls in.
Shooting through the crumbling lip, she makes a clean exit. She almost looks surprised that she made it. But she still remembers to throw in a quick down carve to finish it. The judges gave it a 9.23. I’m not sure what else they wanted there. Just give her the ten, you nerds!
Despite an early exit from this year’s Tahiti Pro due, mostly, to the WSL’s decision to run the gal’s elim heats in a slowing swell, Caity leads the women’s tour by a decent sorta margin. She is two k points or thereabouts, and is decent sorta bet to win the title, aged eighteen, at her home break, Lowers, in September.
And, this B-side edit, which you’ll wanna watch, below, has dragged male viewers’ jaws to the ground.
Caity is the most talented woman surfer ever. Not many surfers, men or women, would pull half the barrels she did on this trip. The fact that she gets more excited doing this than winning comps says a lot about her mindset. And her style is so naturally elegant and functional, sort of like Slater when he came up on the scene, nothing too flashy or hyper stylish(à la Ethan Ewing or Steph Gilmore) but just smooth and no hickups whatsoever. Mesmerizing to watch. A round of applause to miss Simmers!
You absolutely know that you had a great surf trip when the cutting room floor is covered in 9.5 to 10-point tube rides….
My appreciation for what Caity does here….. no words, just go do it some more! Fantastic stuff !
Can’t believe these are b sides. caity is a once in a generation talent.
Right now she is one of the best in the World, imagine this girl in 5 years. She improves each session, with each event… Crazy that Caity still has the potential to grow even more!
The Future is here.
Essential.
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Max, kid Rush, wife Alessa and greatest surfer of all time Kelly Slater.
UFC BMF champ Max Holloway gives son Rush “greatest day of his life” at Kelly Slater’s Surf Ranch
If you’re into cage fighting, and who ain’t now that pro surfing continues its path to self-annihilation although Tahiti may give a brief respite, you’ll have thrilled to the greatest knockout of all-time by the Hawaiian Max Holloway at UFC300 five weeks back.
Holloway has gone up a weight class and is expected to lose but instead dominates the thunder of BMF (Bad Motherfucker) belt holder Justin Gaethje.
Ten seconds on the clock. Fifth and last round. Holloway has already won the fight on points but risks everything to give his fans ten seconds of in-the-pocket stand and bang.
Joey Rogan describes it as the “greatest knocked out in UFC history”, which is fair, I think.
Real legend behaviour from Holloway.
Holloway, who is thirty-one, is the husband of Hawaiian surf star Alessa Quizon (once the gal of Caio Ibelli) and grew up on Oahu’s west side, famous for Sunny Garcia, Johnny Boy Gomes, Makaha and so on.
Recently, Max, along with Alessa and his son Rush, were gifted a couple of days at Kelly Slater’s Surf Ranch, which included cameos from Benji Weatherley, Kalani Robb and Kelly Slater himself.
Holloway looks pretty solid on the dreamy Surf Ranch walls, Alessa shreds, naturally, and lil Rush gets the tubes of his dreams.
UFC BMF champ Max Holloway treats son Rush to day at Kelly Slater’s Surf Ranch
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In this twenty-something minute long-form featurette by the great Rory Pringle, Mason Ho and Sheldon Paishon frolic like pygmy whales in Scotland’s cold dark waters, so cold it’s difficult to scramble to your feet and where after your sessions you shake like a Parkinson’s victim.
Mixed-race Hawaiian surf star Mason Ho and Sheldon Paishon find perfect waves in “too white” Scotland
Hawaiian surfers visit cold-water destination inhabited by the most chilling demographic on earth! Da Whites!
As BeachGrit readers will already know, Scotland, that home of Braveheart, haggis, Hogmanay, bagpipes, JP Currie etc, was in the news recently over its demographics, ie, the shocking stat that ninety-five percent of the country was white.
A four-year-old speech made in the wake of the absurdity of the George Floyd imbroglio by then Scottish health minister Humza Yousaf where he argued that there were too many whites in positions of power and that Scott was “not immune to problems of structural racism” did the rounds recently, bringing joy to combatants in the press and on social media.
In this twenty-something minute long-form featurette by the great Rory Pringle, the pair frolic like pygmy whales in Scotland’s cold dark waters, so cold it’s difficult to scramble to your feet and where after your sessions you shake like a victim of Parkinson’s.
The waves are very good at times and the pair surf with courage, intelligence and absolute honesty.
Essential.
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Dylan Graves thrills the soul and nourishes the heart by surfing during a total solar eclipse at the Waco wave tank.
Surfers, including world-record breaking Dylan Graves, gather at Waco, Texas, to witness end of world!
"This is one of the most cosmic experiences I've ever had!"
Almost one month ago, Texans were gifted a front-row seat to that most profound of celestial experiences, a total solar eclipse where the Moon passes between the Sun and Earth, temporarily blocking the Sun’s light.
Throughout history, much consternation from terrified humans who believed the gods or, in the case of the Choctaw Native Americans, a squirrel, had eaten the sun. Ergo, end of the world etc.
Anyway, on April 8, Dylan Graves, whose pursuit of the strangest waves on earth have been well-documented in his ongoing series Weird Waves and whom we almost lost to a cliff fall in Brittany, France, visited the Waco tank so he could surf during the eclipse.
“Everyone you hear of who’s seen a total solar eclipse says things like ‘Words can’t describe it man you just gotta experience it’’. I’m that person now,” writes Graves, the surfer who smashed the Guinness World Record for most turns on a wave with a leg-trembling forty manoeuvres, which he achieved on a tidal bore in Indonesia.
“This video is my attempt at trying to assign some words. As well as add some visuals to help understand this WILD experience. In our case, obviously there had to be surfing involved, and it just so happens that there was a wave pool right smack in the middle of the line of totality in Waco Texas. I was with a group of scientists. Some eclipse chasers. And just happy go lucky surfers at the right place at the right time. This is definitely one of the most cosmic surf experiences I’ve ever had…”
