“Psychotic surf dad” kidnaps judge after junior surfing contest dispute!

Surf Dad: The Revenge is a claustrophobic, one-set short that demonstrates a suavely piercing touch of erotic wit and agonised pathos. 

Luke Cederman, the pro-ish surfer, comedian, star of our Once Upon a Time in New Zealand wetsuit film, the screw-footed king of NZ’s most famous lefthand point and proprietor of the Instagram account @raglandsurfreport, has parodied, beautifully, the ghastly notion of the surf dad. 

In the space of three-minutes and thirty-nine seconds, Cederman skewers those daddies who struggle to veil their own uncorked surf dreams.

Surf Dad: The Revenge is a claustrophobic, one-set, two-person short that, quickly, demonstrates a suavely piercing touch of erotic wit (“I’m not going to suck your dick, man!” Cederman, who plays both characters, says) and agonised pathos. 

“Three point five out of ten… you’re just going to sit there tell me that four full bank off the tops… a three-point five?”


VALS strike back! Drop-ins, board-punching, spitting in wild Oceanside surf fight! Pro surfer “jumped and spat on by kooks” vows to take-up Brazilian jiujitsu!

VALS gone wild!

A former NSAA collegiate champion, Jacob Szekely, has released footage of three VALS beating hell out of his board after a flurry of drop-ins etc at Oceanside, California. 

Szekely, twenty-five, and notorious for his own run-ins with the fuzz, boozed assault, theft etc, was with two pals, Tex Mitchell and Liam Gloyd, a little over one week ago draining clips, when three VALS start sawing off pieces of their waves and falling off on top of ‘em.

Words follow, VALS state they’re from Riverside, an inland town eighty-one miles from Oceanside, but surf it regularly and therefore are allowed free movement through the crowd.

Szekely, who lives in nearby Encinitas, has since vowed to take up Brazilian jiujitsu, which may or may not be effective in a ocean environment. 


South African superstar Jordy Smith reveals why he disappeared from the tour, his Olympic heartbreak and the brutal bloody war with fibrous knee growths in, “How much more chance for an honest lover than a brave bull?”

Daddy-hood, the Olympic thing, banged up knee, the compelling and perennial joys of a patriarchal monogamous marriage etc. 

In the first of a series of five-minute films, the South African superstar Jordy Smith, who was unable to hustle his shoeshine box at the Tokyo Games cause of a date with a knee surgeon, has revealed “the incredible highs and devastating lows experienced in his life over the past 18 months.” 

Daddy-hood, the Olympic thing, banged up knee, the compelling and perennial joys of a patriarchal monogamous marriage etc. 

“In Episode 1, Jordy finds himself locked down in Hawaii when the world begins to shut down. Fortunately, the forecast showed non-stop swells approaching the North Shore where Jordy spends the next 2 weeks scoring firing waves before being forced to board a repatriation flight back to South Africa.”

The right touches on the right button.

An indispensable elevator to raise the phallus.



Waco tank heavily bombed by groundbreaking teenage surfers Jackson Dorian, Sky Brown and Erin Brooks, “There is going to be a total bloodletting on tour!”

Surfing's future flicks on the lights… 

Here’s a stat: add Jackson Dorian, Sky Brown and Erin Brooks’ ages together and y’hit forty-two, seven years less than still-shredding Kelly Slater.

Recently, the little triumvirate, which, to use a bucolic metaphor, will drain the remaining honey from the wrinkled fig that is the world tour in five years or so, spent several days working their chops at the Waco tank.

Also on the team was Luke Swanson, a little older at seventeen.

Fortunately, the shells fired by these cannons do not have homing warheads or atomic shells. Still, they must be causing a hell of a lot of damage to the psyches of, and particularly, the women on tour.

As mentioned earlier today, “There is going to be a total bloodletting on tour. These girls are going to be like the Momentum Generation, sweeping in and taking everyone out. It’s over.”

Come see these graceful little masterpieces at work.

Hawaiian surf star whose head was caved in by reef in near-fatal wipeout only three years ago makes triumphant return to spotlight!

Courage, intelligence and absolute honesty!

Nineteen eighty-eight was a helluva year. It birthed Jordy Smith and Julian Wilson and, perhaps most importantly since he’s the subject of the video here, that wonderful, flexible, yeasty Hawaiian, Mr Dusty Payne. 

Dusty, you’ll remember less for his middling tour career, six seasons best finish 24th, than for his part in Kai Neville’s Lost Atlas (as well as his terrific candour in that film, “(Girls surf) terrible! They think they should just sit on the boat and wait for it to get one foot again so they can go out and do their little tail slides.”) and for going over the falls face first into the Backdoor reef in 2018. He busted his jaw, fractured his skull, was knocked unconscious and spent three waves underwater. Pals pulled up him up by his leash and he was resuscitated on the beach. Good times etc. 

In this short, filmed through the northern hemisphere summer, we find Dusty has lost none off his celebrated vigour, sexing wave after wave, drilling hard with circular strokes, and with harmonious and fluid body lingo.