South African superstar Jordy Smith reveals why he disappeared from the tour, his Olympic heartbreak and the brutal bloody war with fibrous knee growths in, “How much more chance for an honest lover than a brave bull?”

Daddy-hood, the Olympic thing, banged up knee, the compelling and perennial joys of a patriarchal monogamous marriage etc. 

In the first of a series of five-minute films, the South African superstar Jordy Smith, who was unable to hustle his shoeshine box at the Tokyo Games cause of a date with a knee surgeon, has revealed “the incredible highs and devastating lows experienced in his life over the past 18 months.” 

Daddy-hood, the Olympic thing, banged up knee, the compelling and perennial joys of a patriarchal monogamous marriage etc. 

“In Episode 1, Jordy finds himself locked down in Hawaii when the world begins to shut down. Fortunately, the forecast showed non-stop swells approaching the North Shore where Jordy spends the next 2 weeks scoring firing waves before being forced to board a repatriation flight back to South Africa.”

The right touches on the right button.

An indispensable elevator to raise the phallus.



Waco tank heavily bombed by groundbreaking teenage surfers Jackson Dorian, Sky Brown and Erin Brooks, “There is going to be a total bloodletting on tour!”

Surfing's future flicks on the lights… 

Here’s a stat: add Jackson Dorian, Sky Brown and Erin Brooks’ ages together and y’hit forty-two, seven years less than still-shredding Kelly Slater.

Recently, the little triumvirate, which, to use a bucolic metaphor, will drain the remaining honey from the wrinkled fig that is the world tour in five years or so, spent several days working their chops at the Waco tank.

Also on the team was Luke Swanson, a little older at seventeen.

Fortunately, the shells fired by these cannons do not have homing warheads or atomic shells. Still, they must be causing a hell of a lot of damage to the psyches of, and particularly, the women on tour.

As mentioned earlier today, “There is going to be a total bloodletting on tour. These girls are going to be like the Momentum Generation, sweeping in and taking everyone out. It’s over.”

Come see these graceful little masterpieces at work.

Hawaiian surf star whose head was caved in by reef in near-fatal wipeout only three years ago makes triumphant return to spotlight!

Courage, intelligence and absolute honesty!

Nineteen eighty-eight was a helluva year. It birthed Jordy Smith and Julian Wilson and, perhaps most importantly since he’s the subject of the video here, that wonderful, flexible, yeasty Hawaiian, Mr Dusty Payne. 

Dusty, you’ll remember less for his middling tour career, six seasons best finish 24th, than for his part in Kai Neville’s Lost Atlas (as well as his terrific candour in that film, “(Girls surf) terrible! They think they should just sit on the boat and wait for it to get one foot again so they can go out and do their little tail slides.”) and for going over the falls face first into the Backdoor reef in 2018. He busted his jaw, fractured his skull, was knocked unconscious and spent three waves underwater. Pals pulled up him up by his leash and he was resuscitated on the beach. Good times etc. 

In this short, filmed through the northern hemisphere summer, we find Dusty has lost none off his celebrated vigour, sexing wave after wave, drilling hard with circular strokes, and with harmonious and fluid body lingo.


See two-time world champion surfer John John Florence’s wild transition from “natural” to “hot switchblade”!

A very good chance to contrast and compare with newly minted, and almost retired, world champ Gabriel Medina.

And, here, a pleasurable three minutes of John John Florence employing the fiery sting of his whip as a goofyfooter.

John John, the almost twenty nine year old from Pipeline, is, prefers to ride with his left foot forward thereby making him a “naturalfooter.”

In this short, the “flip” function on his editor’s software is employed to gift the surf fan a view of John John’s surfing as if he stood with his right foot forward.

A goofyfooter. Or screwfoot. Or “hot switchblade.”

A very good chance to contrast and compare with newly minted, and almost retired, world champ Gabriel Medina.

If you think that John John Florence is perfection as a natural footer, wait ’til you see his transition.


Two-time world surfing champ John John Florence releases all black-and-white and infra-red film four years in the making; gifts viewer “the orgasm-of-the-eye passion that an art fanatic lavishes upon the most fabulous piece in his collection!”

If you don't fall asleep there's plenty to look at… 

Who remembers what happened in 2017, apart from the media’s fixation on the ungodly Trump and a royal engagement that would tear hell out of a once-noble family etc?

It was, of course, the last time John John Florence would win a world title, shaking the little pro surfing world down and swimming a river of blood to snatch his second crown at Pipeline.

(He came second to Jeremy Flores at the Pipe Masters, if you’ll recall, enough to secure win.)

This film, Le Vieux Monde Rouge, which translates from French, roughly, to “She squeezed herself around his iron hard-on and rubbed its heady gristle against her stiffening little dingus”, contains never released footage from the European leg of that year’s tour, captured by an EPIC X Monochrome camera, hitting infra-red here and there.