Surf greats rush to praise Prince Harry
lookalike after “loony” barrel ride many are calling best wave ever
ridden! “I couldn’t even speak when I kicked out!”
By Derek Rielly
And see Mark Healey, John John, Peter Mel etc etc
behaving like young boys forced into service by a stronger man.
A who’s who of big-wave surfing, including untouchable
legends Shane Dorian and Kai Lenny, have discharged their semen
banks on the dorsal fin of Nathan Florence following
a barrel ride many are calling the best ever.
Nathan Florence, the Prince Harry lookalike brother of surf
Olympian John John, rode a wave he says was the “right of my life.
As far as surfing a barrel frontside; the size, the intensity of
the session, being in gear I’m not used to, the booties and the
gloves and the wetsuit. On a 7’0″ I’ve never ridden but turned out
to be one of the best boards ever… this wave that I rode in this
session? It’s right up there.”
Dorian described it as “loony”, Kai Lenny said, “Too bad the Big
Wave Awards no longer exist, you would’ve won the big cheese” and
Australian big-waver Loz Towner wrote, “Incredible! Who’s had the
best barrels at all the good big wave spots around the world ?
@nathan_florence by a football field.”
Mark Healey, Mike Stewart, Jeremy Flores, John John, Peter Mel,
Conner Coffin etc etc all behaved like young boys forced into
service by a stronger man.
Interestingly, not six months ago another ride by Florence, this
time a left, was praised as “best barrel ever” by the same pundits
although his storied older brother Johnny was quick to troll the
middle bro of the Florence triumvirate writing with a masterfully
droll wit, “Could’ve been deeper.”
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Mason Ho A-frames his body to soften impact on
reef as Noa Deane, inset, reveals extent of injuries.
Aussie surf stars reveal boogie board
skills in bloody showdown with BIPOC “Queen of Crazy” Mason Ho,
“They have violence in their blood like a hereditary disease!”
By Derek Rielly
"Mason controls the little cosmos he has created
using all the wonders of his enormous skillset."
This latest edit from the studio of Rory Pringle
features BIPOC surfer Mason Ho in a wild wave-for-wave exchange
with Australian surf stars Shaun Manners and Noa Deane,
who swap their surfboards for boogies, those forty-eight inch long
foam boards invented by Tom Morey in 1970.
Pleasant, nice guys, enchanting even, and both with eye-catching
women.
Mason Ho is Hawaii’s whip-slicked queen of taboo and BIPOC role
model (seventy-five percent of his ancestry is Chinese-Hawaiian, a
quarter white Americano) and who isn’t afraid to go for the “kill
shot.”
Terrible injuries follow making this edit better, I’d suggest,
than a comfortable suburban house with tropical plants,
stereophonic music, drinks, erotic opportunities and discreet
people.
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Lil John, 2006.
Watch brave little John John Florence give
hell to Jeffreys Bay as a 13-year-old on first trip to Africa,
“Every part of me is a surfer. I love surfing, and I love the waves
that I surf”
By Derek Rielly
Climbing against all odds from poverty to a
position of honour and privilege!
A rare treat this morning in the form of
thirteen-year-old John John Florence, his tweenie brothers Ivan and
Nathan, as well as mama Alex, on a trip to South Africa
circa 2006.
For eighteen days the Florences, along with writer Jamie Brisick
and filmers Sonny Miller (RIP, brother) and Dez Hoffman, traversed
the storied coastline, giving surfers “a telling glimpse of the
greatness that would be coming from this classic surfing
family.”
Climbing against all odds from poverty to a position of honour
and privilege, the now thirty-year-old John John has been anointed
with two world titles, turning a truly original life story into a
Hemingway classic.
Essential.
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Bad clown and puppet master!
New six-part surf video series documents
controversial surfboard design described as “evil clowns that kill
children!”
By Derek Rielly
A wildly unique design created in 1995 by a
Commie-hating soccer mom lookalike that promises to ruin your
surfing forever!
I am a wrinkled old-timer with a harem of surfboards,
stubbornly intermediate is my level and most days I leave the
surf emitting ughs of disgust at my performance.
Over the years I’ve loved the Lost Fish and its volatility.
First taste, 1999, four years after its arrival, last taste, a few
years ago.
Biolos’ round-nose-fish was different from the prevailing wisdom
of the time (1995), even among the early fishes. The 5’5″, as
ridden by Chris Ward and Cory Lopez, turned a generation on to the
idea that a performance board could be kinda kooky looking, a
pointed nose but with a forward wide point and all wrapped up with
a regular pulled-in 14″ tail (and radically thin at 2 1/16″). It’s
a combination that, even now, some shapers don’t get, sending
devils out on those thick and straight-railed cruise ships with 20″
tails.
“The tail as always the dirty little secret,” says Biolos. “It’s
the same width as a normal high-performance board was at the time.
And it was this lack of a big, wide tail that allowed the boys to
surf them in such radical waves.”
Biolos, a Commie-hating soccer mom lookalike, says “The reason I
started making these was purely because Chris Ward asked me if I
would make him a ‘Fish’. This was over the phone in the fall of ‘94
while Chris was in Hawaii. He said Tom Curren was on a Fish and he
wanted one. I had no idea what Chris was asking for, really. I knew
of The Lis-type fish (based on San Diego kneeboarder Steve Lis’
twin-fins from the early ‘70s) and the Fireball Fish (Australian
Tom Peterson’s take in the ‘90s). This was before the internet and
The Surfers Journal type of historic surf journalism so I went down
to a local surf shop (BC Surf Shop,) and checked out some classic
twin fins from the 70’s that were hanging on the wall and took
mental notes. These boards we very MR-esque. Most were late 70’s,
early pre thruster 80’s twinnies. If you look at this board, and
our RNF (round nose fish) in general, you will notice the actual
nose is fairly pointy and the tail is kinda pulled, not unlike the
MR twins. The board pictured would be about a year after the first
one I made and it was definitely already refined as I’d started
riding these types of boards by then as well and was getting them
dialled. I was sorta working in a vacuum ‘cause so few people were
making these types of boards at the time.”
As well as board sales, the design brought a wild acclaim to the
San Clemente shaper.
“The impact on my life was immense,” he says. “It put me on the
map. It was the breakthrough for me as a designer and shaper.
Before the RNF, I was that shaper guy who paints rad stuff and
makes surf party vids. It afforded me the opportunity to get good
surfers on my boards without them really needing to risk using them
in contests. It bought me time as a designer to learn to get
better. It made it possible for me to travel the world as a shaper.
Once the design hit, I was immediately getting calls from around
the world to come shape. Europe, South Africa, Australia, it all
happened after the RNF.”
See the video below?
It’s a reboot of a reboot of the old classic 5’5” x 19 1/4”, and
it’s gonna run over six parts.
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Nathan Florence, deep booty turn and lookalike
ginger Prince Haz.
Hot on heels of explosive 31-page attack on
British royal family Prince Harry-lookalike stuns surf world with
session at secret wave pundits are calling Australia’s
Teahupoo!
By Derek Rielly
“Men will never be free until the last king is
strangled with the entrails of the last priest.”
I doubt there’s a subject of the former British empire
who doesn’t thrill to the slowish train wreck that is the
disintegration of the House of Windsor following the death
of its flawless matriarch Elizabeth II.
“Men will never be free until the last king is strangled with
the entrails of the last priest,” so goes the quote.
King Charles’ son Prince Harry, the killer of twenty-five
muslims gunned down from the safety of his Apache helicopter during
his tour of Afghanistan (from his poignant memoir Spare), who
married a Machiavellian former actor and divorcee, Meghan Markle,
is the catalyst of course.
The pair hit the family with accusations of racism, wanton
cruelty, feelings trodden on, hardships inflicted upon ’em etc via
a Netflix series, Oprah confessional, the aforementioned weepy
memoir, a thirty-one page witness statement tended to court during
defamation proceedings (“Harry believes the Royal Family are a
bunch of gullible fools being led through the noses by evil media
forces they don’t understand, while only he and he alone is wise
enough to put on his Goggles of Perception and see the Real Truth”)
and various other channels.
By some genetic kink. surfing has a Prince Harry-lookalike in
the form of Nathan Florence, the ginger-haired brother of US
Olympian John John and who has been labelled “the world’s sexiest
Only Fans star”.
In this edit from Florence’s recent vacation in Australia, the
wildly popular Hawaiian-born surfer, who is twenty-eight and whose
couronne of red hair is masked by the bleaching effects of sun and
salt, knocks the surfing world for six at a wave that has a little
whiff of Teahupoo about it.
“A rare combination of skill, courage and humility,” writes one
fan. “You are the best by a wide margin.”