Watch: Finger-banging felon gives hell to Wavegarden’s new bolt-on air section at South Korean wavepool: “Stark-white hair, beaky nose, thin lips, piercing gaze!”

The jewel in a three-billion dollar crown.

Haven’t touched the newly opened Wavegarden in Siheung, South Korea, on BeachGrit, even if it is the biggest of its sort in the worLd, even if pools do transport me to the most elevated heights of ecstasy, even if it is, rather clearly, an excellent reproduction of an ocean wave.

Initial thoughts: The pool didn’t look that much bigger than Melbourne although its little bolt-on air section did make me want to caress its secret, flagrant places with an eager tongue.

The tank is the centrepiece of a real estate development.

Dunno, maybe ’cause travelling is difficult and expensive and there wasn’t a chance in hell I’d get there within the next twelve months.

Anyway, this short features La Jolla’s Jacob “Zeke” Szekely (a man with stark-white hair, beaky nose, thin lips and a piercing gaze), whom you might remember from an Instagram post where he stomped the world’s first-ever Jazzy Fizzle Finger Bang, and Wavegarden founder, the Basque engineer Josema Odriozola’s kids Hans and Kai.

Water blue, ramps real and part of a three-billion dollar real estate play.

A miracle.

Full-length feature: How an IT specialist (and magazine) exposed the world’s best secret wave!

"I committed to nothing else. Logging some serious late-night hours online, I focused on studying the country, the terrain and bathymetry, the people, the marine life, weather-patterns, the cost, travel, logistics…"

Secrets, who needs ’em? 

Mirage, the ever-changing story of Skeleton Bay is a well-constructed and often discomfiting portrait of a wave, fiercely protected by a cadre of locals and South African surfers, that was  brokered to the world by a magazine and a computer nerd in 2008.

The Google Earth challenge was a Surfing magazine initiative to shoot a little out of the box, readers using the then new Google Earth tech to discover secret waves.

Deal was, you tell the mag, they let you join a photo shoot to the joint.

Brian Gable, an IT specialist, was a runner-up to the contest in 2007 (a wave in Western Sahara was chosen though no trip was made).

His loss drove him nuts.

As he wrote in the now-defunct Surfer,

“From that moment, I committed to nothing else. Logging some serious late-night hours online, I focused on studying the country, the terrain and bathymetry, the people, the marine life, weather-patterns, the cost, travel, logistics, etc. I corresponded with locals halfway around the world. Obsessed and possessed, I selfishly put personal and professional duties aside and spent my days formulating the ultimate package for the ultimate magazine surf trip. To me, it wasn’t just a free adventure for myself. It was a chance to prove that the gem I found not only stood up to every other world-class setup, but was on the very short list at the top. Then, on Wednesday, Sep 19, 2007 at 10:03 AM, I got the call. First prize, the Indians take the pennant, the whole freakin’ enchilada!”

Skeleton Bay, of course, is now a photo studio, many pro’s and so on.

Better than snorting crystal blow, as old-timers used to say.


Watch: Jackie “Roosevelt” Robinson in “A simple instrument in a contradictory, treacherous, all-too-spontaneous sport!”

Immense green grottoes.

The surfing of Jackie Robinson, twenty-three and from Margaret River, Australia, will put you in a transcendental rush like a modest churchgoing woman with a plastic vibrating dildo.

The four-minute edit, below, are the outs from Jackie’s section in Snapt4, the ongoing sequel to Logan Dulien’s Snapt series of films. The surfer with the best section, as judged by Bobby Martinez, Mick Fanning and Taj Burrow, will win forty-thousand dollars.

I asked Dulien for a what, why, how.

“Since COVID and with the contest season clipped  this gave Jack the opportunity to harvest five months of pretty fucked-up clips during the best time of year in WA,” he says. “Kid went to town non stop filming nearly every day.  Not sure the last time his schedule has allowed him to do this and might not happen again till he retires. His best clips are on ice for the movie and way more nuts then these.”

Without further ado etc.

Watch John John Florence vs Albee Layer in, “It’s truly extraordinary to be put in a rocket and sent up to the moon!”

You be the judge etc.

John John Florence came into the world a fatherless little boy who, rapidly, became adored by the rich and the poor, the stupid and the intelligent.

His popularity as a two-time world champion is such that he can’t walk down the street without being assaulted by a delirious crowd.

His eyes are intelligent and he is intelligent, too, in his silence and his darkness.

Albee Layer, meanwhile, strikes you as a charming and irritating young layabout with the smile of a wild animal that can’t be caged.

This seven-minute edit, which also features Matt Meola and John’s brother Nathan, is a bullfight of sorts at a Hawaiian righthander fed by a perfect under-your-wings air wind.

Violent emotions are released.

Who wins?

The spins of Albee or the grace of John?

Afterwards, delicious fresh mussels, opened over a fire, are served by Matt Meola.

Watch: Tawny sampson Mason Ho fast-paces viewers to double orgasm in “Now sleep well, puppy pussy!”

Little Sunset wizard in hazardous new adventure…

Tiny Sunset Beach wizard Mason Ho, who turns thirty-two in five days, tears ass, as they say, in this eight-minute short.

We begin with Mason greasing his jones at a backwash-ridden peak in front of a rock jetty in California and finish at a non-wave on Oahu that refuses to genuflect to Mason’s will.

As pointless as it is essential.