Watch: Jackie “Roosevelt” Robinson in “A simple instrument in a contradictory, treacherous, all-too-spontaneous sport!”

Immense green grottoes.

The surfing of Jackie Robinson, twenty-three and from Margaret River, Australia, will put you in a transcendental rush like a modest churchgoing woman with a plastic vibrating dildo.

The four-minute edit, below, are the outs from Jackie’s section in Snapt4, the ongoing sequel to Logan Dulien’s Snapt series of films. The surfer with the best section, as judged by Bobby Martinez, Mick Fanning and Taj Burrow, will win forty-thousand dollars.

I asked Dulien for a what, why, how.

“Since COVID and with the contest season clipped  this gave Jack the opportunity to harvest five months of pretty fucked-up clips during the best time of year in WA,” he says. “Kid went to town non stop filming nearly every day.  Not sure the last time his schedule has allowed him to do this and might not happen again till he retires. His best clips are on ice for the movie and way more nuts then these.”

Without further ado etc.

Watch John John Florence vs Albee Layer in, “It’s truly extraordinary to be put in a rocket and sent up to the moon!”

You be the judge etc.

John John Florence came into the world a fatherless little boy who, rapidly, became adored by the rich and the poor, the stupid and the intelligent.

His popularity as a two-time world champion is such that he can’t walk down the street without being assaulted by a delirious crowd.

His eyes are intelligent and he is intelligent, too, in his silence and his darkness.

Albee Layer, meanwhile, strikes you as a charming and irritating young layabout with the smile of a wild animal that can’t be caged.

This seven-minute edit, which also features Matt Meola and John’s brother Nathan, is a bullfight of sorts at a Hawaiian righthander fed by a perfect under-your-wings air wind.

Violent emotions are released.

Who wins?

The spins of Albee or the grace of John?

Afterwards, delicious fresh mussels, opened over a fire, are served by Matt Meola.

Watch: Tawny sampson Mason Ho fast-paces viewers to double orgasm in “Now sleep well, puppy pussy!”

Little Sunset wizard in hazardous new adventure…

Tiny Sunset Beach wizard Mason Ho, who turns thirty-two in five days, tears ass, as they say, in this eight-minute short.

We begin with Mason greasing his jones at a backwash-ridden peak in front of a rock jetty in California and finish at a non-wave on Oahu that refuses to genuflect to Mason’s will.

As pointless as it is essential.

Watch: The ritual humiliation of Mick Fanning by incubus Morgan Cibilic in “The Nightmare!”

A new epic from the studio of Vaughan Blakey…

The new film by Rip Curl, which was made by broadcaster, writer and minstrel Adam “Vaughan” Blakey, is encrusted with priceless gems, notably the opening scene where we find Morgan visited by Mick Fanning in a dream.

(Rewind Mick saying, “Seeya” with a wounded mask.)

If there was any doubt that Rip Curl may’ve lost its very Australian, lightly tongue-in-cheek approach to marketing, a direction steered by ex-Tracks editor Neil Ridgway, after the sale of the company for three-hundred and fifty million dollars to camping retailer Kathmandu, this film quickly grenades it.

There are familiar routines but the film is quickly beclouded with Blakey’s vulva steam.

Essential viewing.

Big-wave awards roast: Watch Jamie O’Brien and Kaipo Guerrero give hell to Big-Wave Award winners: “(Keala’s wave) was a scorpion tomahawking down the face!”

Good-ish times at JOB's Pipe house…

Want a little background noise, the chatter of two likeable North Shore habitués, various clips of Jaws and Nazaré and cameos from gorgeous Kai Lenny and the world’s second openly gay surfing world champion among others?

The video, below, is hosted by Jamie O’Brien, who is 190 pounds of rock hard muscle with  40 pounds of sturdy protective fat and who says “A big gut helps you breathe bigger and better” and ultra-handsome Kaipo Guerrero who, in the words of Mason Ho “macked Madonna” in 1985.