Watch: Tawny sampson Mason Ho fast-paces
viewers to double orgasm in “Now sleep well, puppy pussy!”
By Derek Rielly
Little Sunset wizard in hazardous new
adventure…
Tiny Sunset Beach wizard Mason Ho, who turns thirty-two
in five days, tears ass, as they say, in this eight-minute
short.
We begin with Mason greasing his jones at a backwash-ridden peak
in front of a rock jetty in California and finish at a non-wave on
Oahu that refuses to genuflect to Mason’s will.
As pointless as it is essential.
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Fanning and the incubus.
Watch: The ritual humiliation of Mick
Fanning by incubus Morgan Cibilic in “The Nightmare!”
By Derek Rielly
A new epic from the studio of Vaughan Blakey…
The new film by Rip Curl, which was made by broadcaster,
writer and minstrel Adam “Vaughan” Blakey, is encrusted with
priceless gems, notably the opening scene where we find
Morgan visited by Mick Fanning in a dream.
(Rewind Mick saying, “Seeya” with a wounded mask.)
If there was any doubt that Rip Curl may’ve lost its very
Australian, lightly tongue-in-cheek approach to marketing, a
direction steered by ex-Tracks editor Neil Ridgway, after
the sale of the company for three-hundred and fifty million dollars
to camping retailer Kathmandu, this film quickly grenades it.
There are familiar routines but the film is quickly beclouded
with Blakey’s vulva steam.
Essential viewing.
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Big-wave awards roast: Watch Jamie O’Brien
and Kaipo Guerrero give hell to Big-Wave Award winners: “(Keala’s
wave) was a scorpion tomahawking down the face!”
By Derek Rielly
Good-ish times at JOB's Pipe house…
Want a little background noise, the chatter of two
likeable North Shore habitués, various clips of Jaws and
Nazaré and cameos from gorgeous Kai Lenny and the
world’s second openly gay
surfing world champion among others?
The video, below, is hosted by Jamie O’Brien, who is 190
pounds of rock hard muscle with 40 pounds of sturdy
protective fat and who says “A big gut helps you breathe bigger and
better” and ultra-handsome Kaipo Guerrero who, in the words of
Mason Ho “macked Madonna” in 1985.
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Wall ride!
Watch: Mason Ho jiggles his thumb tips
against Palm Spring Surf Club’s pygmy dingus!
By Derek Rielly
Wall rides, fin-first tubing etc.
This short film, starring Mason Ho and Coco Ho, is
extremely confusing, wall-rides, fins-first tube riding, but you
quickly learn to ignore the details and just watch the
glam cast have fun.
“Mason Ho is a saviour from the fucking corporate,
straight-laced, uptight, fucking, pre-planned-interview-answer
surfing world we live in today,” says anti-commie shaper Matt
Biolos. “He’s everything that people think surfing is, and should
be, when you think of all the beautiful stereotypes, like from the
fucking Beach Boys to fricken’ Sean Penn to Big Wednesday.
Mason is fucking incredibly fun to watch surf two-foot junk and
12-foot Pipeline. He’s what everyone’s selling, without trying.
He’s the most real guy out there. We’re fortunate to have him in
our lives.”
A movie that engrosses, hypnotizes and clings to the memory long
after the final frame
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Soli Bailey lays out some booze to cushion his
jet lag.
Watch “Junoesque” Solomon Storm Bailey in
“I despise the hypocrisy of my immoral peers who parade like Gods
of Olympus!”
By Derek Rielly
Gobble meticulously prepared bait…
I’m a sucker for believable, beautifully made, and
paralyzingly suspenseful epics about brave people in the middle of
the ocean battling overwhelming odds against nature to stay
alive, but rarely have I seen one that can hold an
audience hostage like Soli… Every element is so perfect that it
left me shaking and devastated.
And, it’s a love story, too.
Writes the filmer Morgan Maasen,
“(Ten years ago), I was immediately struck by the incredible
demeanour of the teenager. Polite, quiet, but so fiercely
determined to make his mark, Soli was rising through the junior
ranks and dreaming of make the World Tour. As time went on, we
crossed paths countless times in random, far-flung places… but this
last year i was bestowed both the pleasure of travel with him to
Indonesia to score perfect waves, and to watch his inaugural year
competing on the tour. The highs of his performances in incredible
surf, and lows of watching him struggle with the complexities – and
literal luck – that comes with being a professional surfer, was
nothing short of amazing, and as I release this short film, I
cannot express how proud I am of this human’s fruition into a young
adult.”