Watch: Tawny sampson Mason Ho fast-paces viewers to double orgasm in “Now sleep well, puppy pussy!”

Little Sunset wizard in hazardous new adventure…

Tiny Sunset Beach wizard Mason Ho, who turns thirty-two in five days, tears ass, as they say, in this eight-minute short.

We begin with Mason greasing his jones at a backwash-ridden peak in front of a rock jetty in California and finish at a non-wave on Oahu that refuses to genuflect to Mason’s will.

As pointless as it is essential.


Watch: The ritual humiliation of Mick Fanning by incubus Morgan Cibilic in “The Nightmare!”

A new epic from the studio of Vaughan Blakey…

The new film by Rip Curl, which was made by broadcaster, writer and minstrel Adam “Vaughan” Blakey, is encrusted with priceless gems, notably the opening scene where we find Morgan visited by Mick Fanning in a dream.

(Rewind Mick saying, “Seeya” with a wounded mask.)

If there was any doubt that Rip Curl may’ve lost its very Australian, lightly tongue-in-cheek approach to marketing, a direction steered by ex-Tracks editor Neil Ridgway, after the sale of the company for three-hundred and fifty million dollars to camping retailer Kathmandu, this film quickly grenades it.

There are familiar routines but the film is quickly beclouded with Blakey’s vulva steam.

Essential viewing.


Big-wave awards roast: Watch Jamie O’Brien and Kaipo Guerrero give hell to Big-Wave Award winners: “(Keala’s wave) was a scorpion tomahawking down the face!”

Good-ish times at JOB's Pipe house…

Want a little background noise, the chatter of two likeable North Shore habitués, various clips of Jaws and Nazaré and cameos from gorgeous Kai Lenny and the world’s second openly gay surfing world champion among others?

The video, below, is hosted by Jamie O’Brien, who is 190 pounds of rock hard muscle with  40 pounds of sturdy protective fat and who says “A big gut helps you breathe bigger and better” and ultra-handsome Kaipo Guerrero who, in the words of Mason Ho “macked Madonna” in 1985. 


Watch: Mason Ho jiggles his thumb tips against Palm Spring Surf Club’s pygmy dingus!

Wall rides, fin-first tubing etc.

This short film, starring Mason Ho and Coco Ho, is extremely confusing, wall-rides, fins-first tube riding, but you quickly learn to ignore the details and just watch the glam cast have fun.

“Mason Ho is a saviour from the fucking corporate, straight-laced, uptight, fucking, pre-planned-interview-answer surfing world we live in today,” says anti-commie shaper Matt Biolos. “He’s everything that people think surfing is, and should be, when you think of all the beautiful stereotypes, like from the fucking Beach Boys to fricken’ Sean Penn to Big Wednesday. Mason is fucking incredibly fun to watch surf two-foot junk and 12-foot Pipeline. He’s what everyone’s selling, without trying. He’s the most real guy out there. We’re fortunate to have him in our lives.”

A movie that engrosses, hypnotizes and clings to the memory long after the final frame


Watch “Junoesque” Solomon Storm Bailey in “I despise the hypocrisy of my immoral peers who parade like Gods of Olympus!”

Gobble meticulously prepared bait…

I’m a sucker for believable, beautifully made, and paralyzingly suspenseful epics about brave people in the middle of the ocean battling overwhelming odds against nature to stay alive, but rarely have I seen one that can hold an audience hostage like Soli… Every element is so perfect that it left me shaking and devastated.

And, it’s a love story, too.

Writes the filmer Morgan Maasen,

“(Ten years ago), I was immediately struck by the incredible demeanour of the teenager. Polite, quiet, but so fiercely determined to make his mark, Soli was rising through the junior ranks and dreaming of make the World Tour. As time went on, we crossed paths countless times in random, far-flung places… but this last year i was bestowed both the pleasure of travel with him to Indonesia to score perfect waves, and to watch his inaugural year competing on the tour. The highs of his performances in incredible surf, and lows of watching him struggle with the complexities – and literal luck – that comes with being a professional surfer, was nothing short of amazing, and as I release this short film, I cannot express how proud I am of this human’s fruition into a young adult.”