Did you watch the Surfer Poll last night? I did. I didn’t intend to watch the whole thing, only tuned in because the lovely Ashton Goggins over at Surfer invited me as his +1. Very kind of him. I’m on Kauai at the moment, so I couldn’t actually go. But I appreciate the thought and figured I’d watch a minute or two. Then I saw The Inertia was live streaming and asking for fan questions, so I proceeded to get very drunk and send Alex Haro rude suggestions. They did not use any of them.
I’d begun drinking earlier in the day, so the whole thing is a bit of a blur. But a few solid moments really stood out.
I think Eddie Ifft is funny. The crowd did not. Or everyone was just too caught up in their own shit to let loose and laugh. I don’t know exactly what the deal was, but I know it was fucking savage. Dave Wassel! Who doesn’t love Dave Wassel? His speech patterns, his expressions. The guy’s a naturally hilarious hunk of marble. Big Wave Dave’s Surf Academy had me snorting drunken guffaws.
But the highlight of the night was none other than Mason Ho. Big surprise, right?
His red carpet interview with Kaipo Guerrero and Cheeseburger made the world better. Poor Kaipo, so uncomfortable. So bummed. Thank jeebus it was recorded for posterity. (At 1:17:30)
Hard to top that, but the Mason/Cheeseburger combo managed to after winning Best Series for License to Chill. Good natured wasted tirade. So pure, so true, so funny. Enough to make me wish I’d popped on a last minute flight and made the scene.
I’ve said it before, I’ll say it again. Too much Mason Ho is never enough.
Unheard of surf industry market factors have created a BRAZILIAN STORM of profit opportunity! Free introductory class – Reserve your seat now!
At Gabriel Medina University, we believe the key to success in today’s surf environment is knowledge, no matter how you define success – whether it’s running over surfers as they duck dive, crying or shaving your body as absolutely clean as you can get it. With this in mind, Gabriel Medina University offers programs and courses in a wide range of subjects such as Slice n Dice, Cry and Shave.
The faculty of Gabriel Medina University include surf experts from some of the world’s leading beach breaks such as Zona Sul, Ubatuba and Buzios. In addition, our teaching staff includes Rip Curl senior executives from surfing’s Silicon Valley. And of course, we have distilled and integrated the insights, experiences and practical know-how of Gabriel Medina himself.
We understand that not everybody learns the same way, so we are delivering this right content through a variety of channels, including the classroom at the Instituto, online learning courses, audio-video home study programs and at WSL events. In addition, we host a vibrant online community where you can interact both with experts and trolls.
Gabriel Medina University is here to teach knowledge that you can apply in the real world. The best was to deliver that knowledge is through active education – or Learning by Doing. The value of this approach is not only that you will have a better grasp of the material but, just as importantly, you can immediately apply it at your local beach break.
And the real world is ultimately where our focus lies, because at the end of the day it is your ability to chop, cry and shave that defines our success. Click here!
Full disclosure: Derek hates this podcast. With a passion. Didn’t want to run it. Here’s the review he sent to Rory:
I find Cori’s opinions soft, predictable, conformist, complainist, her life story dull and her stories anything but spectacular enough to warrant asking our readers to give it an hour of their lives. I know you dig her stuff, and that’s cool, but I couldn’t find one moment that might lift the interview from complaint-fest to…
how to change the world.
If that’s what she’s trying to.
I felt like I was stuck at a party in Portland listening to the same old tired tropes, getting drunker and drunker trying to drown out this grim women burning my ears.
But, above all, it has zero relevance to our readers.
So I gave it a listen. Holy fuck, I could not disagree with Derek more. I found Cori to be intelligent, articulate, and downright inspiring. We all bitch and moan about shit that goes down in our respective communities. Cori not only successfully defeated a giant shoreline development, she one up’d herself and ran for local office.
An LGBT environmental activist winning in a Republican town, in the same election that gave us Trump? That’s pretty badass. Never one to keep my mouth shut, even when I should, especially when I should, I hit up Derek. Wrote what I knew was sure to rile him:
Rory said you don’t want to use the podcast with Cori. I knew when I listened to it you’d hate it. Progressive female LGBT activists don’t generally appeal to middle aged straight white guys. You’re either board or threatened by them. I get it. I assume you’re in the board/can’t relate category. No judgment whatsoever. Taste is just that.
Worked like a charm. Anytime you mention to a straight white guy that they are a straight white guy, they get defensive. After all, they are the most oppressed people on the planet, right? Throw in the “oh are you threatened by women” insinuation and you’re sure to get a reaction. No harm in some occasional trolling.
I’m pretty sure Derek’s right though. He knows what he’s doing in the surf world. He created Stab. No magazine was more inclusive to women. Well, if they were willing to get naked and pose for faux artistic erotica.
Interesting that Derek was thrilled with the Anastasia Ashley podcast (Editor’s note: wasn’t. Didn’t want to hurt Rory’s feelings.). Pointed that out to him:
Fuck, you obviously felt that other woman, the butt model, I don’t recall her name, was interesting enough to post. And I thought she was terrible. I wasn’t the only one. The comments were brutal about her lack of substance and irritating affected accent. When Rory tried to get her talking about life all she could come up with was something along the lines of “I want to do good things, like help people and stuff.” From what I can tell, the only thing she’s ever done, is have a nice ass and post pictures of it to instagram. She’s interesting to you, but not me, and apparently not to BeachGrit readers either. And please don’t try to claim I’m somehow engaging in “slut shaming” like you insinuated Cori & Co. did. I’m as sex positive as it comes.
Cori on the other hand, is a woman raised as a conservative Christian, comes out as gay, quits her athletic career to get an education, helps defeat a giant development project, then inspired by that experience, successfully runs for local government in a Republican area, that interests me. That inspires me. There are other people who will feel like me, people who read BeachGrit.
I’m willing to bet you have a lot more “intellectually muted left-wingers” that read BeachGrit than you think. Not everybody feels like you do and not everyone feels like I do. Isn’t a diversity of viewpoints awesome?
After my incessant nagging, Derek caved. Probably just to shut me up:
I couldn’t agree less but I love the fire!
I’ll post when I get home….
Here’s Rory’s take:
I think you’re wrong about the podcast. I don’t think her story is dull. I think it’s uncommon and would speak to a lot of people who don’t feel represented in the surf world. And I think that’s a good thing. Sexuality and women’s surfing is worth discussing, whichever side of the coin you fall on.
As far as the readers, I think they’d listen, some would get angry about it. That’s fine, it’s still engagement. And we do have female readers.
So, long story long, I harassed Derek into posting this. Sorry Derek. Now you know why Rory wants to strangle me.
I’m sure most of you will agree with him and hate it. Don’t blame Derek, blame me. But fuck, some of you might not hate it.
As Rory always says “leave your mean comments below.”
The most embarrassing surfer in history could become a hero!
It doesn’t get discussed as much as it should. I bring it up semi-regularly, as often as I can wedge it in, but still. The Gabriel Medina shaving his armpits video for Gillette is the most embarrassing, tone deaf thing any professional extreme sport athlete has ever done.
It should be on daily loop in surf media. Or at least every other daily. Like, watch it again with Sterling Spencer.
Can you believe it? Can you really? Gabriel “Gabi” Medina shaved his chest and armpits for a video that was purposefully placed online.
It should have/did kill his career. But there is a way forward! A path for him to reclaim his self worth!
Do you recall the “double pits to chesty” commercial skateboarder Ryan Sheckler made for Axe body spray? Watch here.
And also embarrassing no?
I was once at a skateboarding event and Ryan Sheckler was there and some fat kid shouted “Double pits to chesty! Do a double pits to chesty!” and he sniggered to his fat friend.
Wanna know what Ryan did? He looked up to the stands, nodded, kicked over to some ramp, launched, and in the air DID THE DOUBLE PITS TO CHESTY!
Since that day I have been a massive fan of Shecks. He gets it. He knows. He got paid to do something dumb and owned it afterward.
If Gabi showed any of that self-awareness I’d be a fan of his too. If he paddled out to Pipe during the Masters with a Gillette and proceeded to shave his armpits while the world looked on I would be praying for his return to number one.
A little reminder of how beautifully John John kicked the title…
The web series Twelve has stolen my heart. And this ol pump is a calcified motherfucker. It ain’t easy to break into.
But, Twelve, the seven-part series that fortuitously documents John John’s world title year is something that’s going to linger. The music is subtle and sharply cut to whatever’s on screen. Slow-motion, drone, lifestyle, voiceover, nothing too much, nothing too little.
The series, called Twelve ’cause that’s roughly how long each short goes for, is the creation of the filmmaker Bill Ballard and is bankrolled by Hurley. It’s monied but it ain’t excessive.
This episode, which I suggest you watch now, throw on the headphones if you’re at work, give a kid an iPad if you’re a daddy, follows John through France (the drone angle on La Piste is sublime) and into the world title home straight in Portugal.
Remember how John won the title when Conner stomped Jordy in his semi with a nine-five tube? And remember how John John came into the final and surfed like a maniac, throwing spears on every wave?