Watch John John Florence vs Albee Layer in, “It’s truly extraordinary to be put in a rocket and sent up to the moon!”

You be the judge etc.

John John Florence came into the world a fatherless little boy who, rapidly, became adored by the rich and the poor, the stupid and the intelligent.

His popularity as a two-time world champion is such that he can’t walk down the street without being assaulted by a delirious crowd.

His eyes are intelligent and he is intelligent, too, in his silence and his darkness.

Albee Layer, meanwhile, strikes you as a charming and irritating young layabout with the smile of a wild animal that can’t be caged.

This seven-minute edit, which also features Matt Meola and John’s brother Nathan, is a bullfight of sorts at a Hawaiian righthander fed by a perfect under-your-wings air wind.

Violent emotions are released.

Who wins?

The spins of Albee or the grace of John?

Afterwards, delicious fresh mussels, opened over a fire, are served by Matt Meola.

Watch: Tawny sampson Mason Ho fast-paces viewers to double orgasm in “Now sleep well, puppy pussy!”

Little Sunset wizard in hazardous new adventure…

Tiny Sunset Beach wizard Mason Ho, who turns thirty-two in five days, tears ass, as they say, in this eight-minute short.

We begin with Mason greasing his jones at a backwash-ridden peak in front of a rock jetty in California and finish at a non-wave on Oahu that refuses to genuflect to Mason’s will.

As pointless as it is essential.

Watch: The ritual humiliation of Mick Fanning by incubus Morgan Cibilic in “The Nightmare!”

A new epic from the studio of Vaughan Blakey…

The new film by Rip Curl, which was made by broadcaster, writer and minstrel Adam “Vaughan” Blakey, is encrusted with priceless gems, notably the opening scene where we find Morgan visited by Mick Fanning in a dream.

(Rewind Mick saying, “Seeya” with a wounded mask.)

If there was any doubt that Rip Curl may’ve lost its very Australian, lightly tongue-in-cheek approach to marketing, a direction steered by ex-Tracks editor Neil Ridgway, after the sale of the company for three-hundred and fifty million dollars to camping retailer Kathmandu, this film quickly grenades it.

There are familiar routines but the film is quickly beclouded with Blakey’s vulva steam.

Essential viewing.

Big-wave awards roast: Watch Jamie O’Brien and Kaipo Guerrero give hell to Big-Wave Award winners: “(Keala’s wave) was a scorpion tomahawking down the face!”

Good-ish times at JOB's Pipe house…

Want a little background noise, the chatter of two likeable North Shore habitués, various clips of Jaws and Nazaré and cameos from gorgeous Kai Lenny and the world’s second openly gay surfing world champion among others?

The video, below, is hosted by Jamie O’Brien, who is 190 pounds of rock hard muscle with  40 pounds of sturdy protective fat and who says “A big gut helps you breathe bigger and better” and ultra-handsome Kaipo Guerrero who, in the words of Mason Ho “macked Madonna” in 1985. 

Watch: Mason Ho jiggles his thumb tips against Palm Spring Surf Club’s pygmy dingus!

Wall rides, fin-first tubing etc.

This short film, starring Mason Ho and Coco Ho, is extremely confusing, wall-rides, fins-first tube riding, but you quickly learn to ignore the details and just watch the glam cast have fun.

“Mason Ho is a saviour from the fucking corporate, straight-laced, uptight, fucking, pre-planned-interview-answer surfing world we live in today,” says anti-commie shaper Matt Biolos. “He’s everything that people think surfing is, and should be, when you think of all the beautiful stereotypes, like from the fucking Beach Boys to fricken’ Sean Penn to Big Wednesday. Mason is fucking incredibly fun to watch surf two-foot junk and 12-foot Pipeline. He’s what everyone’s selling, without trying. He’s the most real guy out there. We’re fortunate to have him in our lives.”

A movie that engrosses, hypnotizes and clings to the memory long after the final frame