The ASP recognises Hawaii as its own, solemn, surfing nation. Pro surfing as nation builder!
Hawaii has always been an outlier, both literally and figuratively. It is the most isolated island chain on earth (so far away on very not good airlines. Horrible meal service! Bad sugary cocktails!) and was the last state received into the Union (in a rude way if you ask Dustin Barca. Stolen!).
Even the hardest-core, wildest-eye, Manifest Destiny-believing, Kansas City-dwelling lunatics will agree that Hawaii is “America” like Los Angeles is “America,” which is to say, not very much.
Due its unique nature there has been an active secessionist movement in the Aloha State since Dwight D. Eisenhower signed the “Hawaii Admission Act” in 1959. A movement routinely ignored by the power-hungry monsters in Washington D.C. All they want is hotel tax dollars. And a place to vacation with their mistresses while boogie-boarding the same waves that “our President-in-Chief” boogied when he was a younger man.
But the Association of Surfing Professionals, in its benevolence, has granted Hawaii what it wants, nay, what it deserves, most. Independence. When you watch the surf contest webcasts, you will notice that Hawaiian surfers are listed as “Hawaiian” and Californian, Floridian, Virginian, Mainer, Oregonian surfers are listed as “USA.”
What influence! What wisdom! And I called Dave Prodan, the handsome press secretary of the ASP to ask how the association came to such a decision. “Funny…” he said, (and I can’t believe he still speaks to me. Graham Stapleberg, if you are reading, and I know you are because you are an uncool little narcissist, believe me when I say, Dave Prodan is your best employee. By far!) “…I asked Wayne ‘Rabbit’ Bartholomew that same question when I first started working for the ASP nine years ago and he answered better than I ever could. He said, ‘The ASP recognises Hawaii as its own, solemn, surfing nation.’”
And there we go. Concepts of national identity fall like dominos before the idea of “solemn surfing nations.” The world could be much more easily, and frankly, clearly divided using this as a guideline. Would we be having religious strife in Iraq? Would we be having Ethnic trouble in the Central African Republic?
Yes! But who cares! They have no surf!
Yes, the ASP is setting the bar for nation building and I can only hope that governments around the globe are taking note. Surf dictates reality. It does for you. It does for me. It should for the rest of the world.
There never was a lawful treaty of annexation; in fact Hawaii was still considered a foreign country to the U.S. and the world nations prior to 1959. There is no secession if there was never a cessation. The fact is that the Hawaiian Kingdom still exists albeit under U.S. belligerent occupation. We look forward to the U.S. de-occupying Hawaii.
You’re years late on this story Chas. It has been covered, a few times, long ago. Just remember to stick to the rule (there’s only one).
If you can’t use the word “fabulous” in the story, it’s not worth writing about.