This wave wants to bankrupt you and then laugh

Chas Smith

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How much trust do you place in your own two hands?

The ocean is a hard-hearted woman. I was surfing in my hometown secret spot (Bastendorff, Oregon) as a child and had my 1977 Hawaiian Island Creations rainbow twin-fin ripped from my leg and sucked out to sea in a massive undertow. I somehow made it to a barnacle-crusted rock and watched it disappear over the horizon. It was my everything and tears filled my eyes.

I have never fully trusted her since, even though my Hawaiian Islands Creations shred was worth a maximum of $75 and my parents bought me a potato chip Xanadu as replacement. So it is with much wonder that I look upon Erik Ippel, superstar water cinematographer, and his willingness to sit under the lip with $100,000 worth of camera up to his eye. It is with even more wonder that I know he makes the waterhousings that protects it.

Erik knows that a career in water cinematography has a short-ish window, but a career in building the best waterhousings is forever. He must cobble each one together from plastics, seals, metals, tubes and gizmos. They must be light, functional, clear, strong and, above all, waterproof. One small leak and $100,000 is pissed away. “I am working on 2 housings for the Phantom Flex 4K camera right now.. & have finished & use the 2 housings I made for the Red Epic…” he tells me while screaming at haoles to beat it (he lives in Hawaii). The Phantom Flex 4k runs anywhere from $99,000 to $159,000. “I think maybe taking a 100K camera & building a housing for it & filming an iconic epic day of surfing & nailing it is probably right up there for favorite things I do & have done…” he says while choking a haole out.

It sounds very stressful to me and also not fun but, then again, Erik lives in Hawaii. “I love getting to work with the best… best surfers, directors, writers, & camera companies for me it is like a kid in a candy store… to have the company’s Like Red, & Vision research know who I am and want to collaborate & work with me on a housing I have dreamed up for one of there cameras is a big accomplishment that I enjoy…” he says while false cracking two haoles at the same time.

Would you enjoy building something that protects a camera worth more than all the ASP judges and commentators, combined, have earned all year (plus $100,000)? Would you trust yourself to not get sued by every sucker who bought your glorified Ziplock baggie? Me either.

Ippel Films Phantom Reel from Erik Ippel on Vimeo.

ASP

Dylan Graves: “I like it when girls let dirty shit out!”

Derek Rielly

By

Who doesn't! Real talk!

You recognise this almost 30-year-old hairball? Maybe y’don’t. A doz or so years ago he was the clean-looking lil Young Gun playing cute foil to the hoary champ Kelly Slater. Tween Young Gun and now (Old Bum?), Dylan took on the WQS (ain’t much success) before settling into that ever-warm freesurfing zone, alongside the Gudauskas brothers. BeachGrit is a fan of the Graves ideal, good times, minimal stress, kooky homemade music, significant tuberides and boozy laughs.

What’s the biggest lie you’ve ever said? 

When I was seven I was with my brother and a few pals and we went into this school supplies store with my my mom. We were such little pissers, causing mayhem. We all went to the bathroom, and stored in the bathroom, was all this merchandise. We thought it would be funny if we pissed on these items. We came back in and gave the key back to the guy and then the guy tried to blame us for it. We denied it all, but then they got it out of us. Bullshit.

What’s the one thing you are most ashamed of? 

I got so many tickets I had to get a California ID. It’s weird, growing up in Puerto Rico and bringing that out. I feel like I’ve betrayed my country. I’m most ashamed of that.

The drunkest you’ve been?

Typically, parties at our house are big because we don’t have to drive anywhere. And this particular one, all my friends were there, my bro  was in town. I had an Electric shoot the next day at eight am. And we were having a good night, everything’s going good, there’s girls around and then, for some reason, my friend and Electric team manager Mark Yonkers starting towing each other into vodka shoe-ies (vodka skulled out of shoes). Next thing I know I was being woken up, lifted out of the car and escorted to the car for the shoot.

The worst thing you’ve said to a woman? 

Well, you know, I’m very respectful to women. But if I have said something wrong it was probably when I was at a point when I didn’t know what I was doing. In which case I apologise.

Do women ask you to swish your long hair around their breasts? 

I kinda do it anyways.

What’s the worst thing you’ve done to a friend? 

I’ve head-butted my friends drunk before and my friends have head-butted me. I have my nights where the gremlin comes out. Once I’m way past my limit I don’t even know what’s going on anymore.

Your most regular hateful thought? 

Surfing crowded waves I fucking get pissed. When I’m most frustrated is when someone gets in my way. It’s so hard with surfing, to get the right section, to get that one barrel you’re super psyched on. And you finally get that moment and someone’s in your way? I can’t even describe my feelings. I just want to scream for minutes. Just… fuck!  And it’s no one’s fault. I’ve been in people’s way before, too, and sometimes there’s nothing you can do. But it’s one of those things that gets under your skin. There’s nothing you can do. So you want to scream. That’s the worst case. When I super snap. I want to say every cuss word in the book.

The most jealous you’ve ever been? 

I grew up with Brian Toth and he’d always win everything when we were younger. And I remember he won this contest and the first prize was a trip to Costa Rica for him and four people. And It sounded so fun, Costa Rica, with your family, I was like… fuck! That was one of the more jealous memories. It made me wanna start ripping harder, howevs. Like, I fucking want to go to Costa Rica.

Biggest illegal activity? 

Riding my scooter without tags (registration). They’re strict as shit about that in California. And not wearing a helmet. Double illegal. Going down.

Your biggest regret?

My big regret is a collection of all those small, little regrets you have every session: wishing you’d pulled in or taken a different line. Those things happen on a weekly basis. Surfing’s so crazy like that. You have that one wave that always stays in your fucking mind and you want to go back and do that one little thing that would’ve made you make that barrel or land that air.

Have you stolen anything? 

Every time I go to the store I’m starving so I’ll eat a bag of chips and when I’m done I’ll just throw it away or put it in my pocket and figure I’ll pay for it when I’m at checkout. It don’t always happen.

Biggest surf crime? 

I gave my mom stitches one time. We were surfing my home spot and it was a super small day and I love surfing out there without a leash because it’s fun to swim in, get your board, run around and see what’s going on the beach, the chicks cruising around. So I was going surfing with mom and she told to me wear a leash (in high-pitched mama voice: “You should wear a leash because you’re going to lose your board and hit someone on the inside”) and I was, like, nah, my board isn’t going to hit anyone and if it does it’s going to be going really slow. And of course, a couple of waves into the session, I lose my board and it hits my mom in the leg and it gives her six stitches. Listen to mama!

What is your darkest fantasy? 

Mmmmm. Like. Sexual fantasy? Surfing fantasy? What are we going for here? Mmmmm. I’m a fan of dirty talk. I like it when girls aren’t afraid to let some dirty shit come out. I just like it when they say fuck. For some reason, it’s sexy when they say it really fucking loud, it fucking turns me on.

Cuter than a tulip, more reliable than a Japanese Motor! Morgan Maassen

Let’s talk surf with Al Knost!

Derek Rielly

By

Cuter than a tulip, who doesn't love the almost-thirty year old Costa Mesa shredder?

Alex Knost is a surfer who has hacked his own pathway out of the cultural jungle. A little bit sixties, some seventies, all 2000s. A retro-futurist-modernist cupcake who loves surf! Let’s rap!

When did you first realise that surfing was going to dominate your life? 

KNOST: I think the first time it happened was when I was too young to remember. When I was around 21,  I was going really hard experimenting with all of life’s “various perceptions”. Looking back now, I realise that nothing can keep me from surfing, no party, no drug, no amount of beer, no girl, no band,  because I’m obsessed with surfing, the feeling, the culture, the history… everything.

When did you know you were going to be a good surfer?

Oh, I still suck.

In what way does surfing change the way you see the world?

Surfing is such a simplistic pleasure that devours pre-conceptions of anything else being important. Surfing helps to free yourself into a world where breakfast doesn’t matter nor does personal hygiene or parking tickets or hangovers or magazine interview deadlines.

Who do hold as the absolute best surfer in the world at this moment?

That’s hard! I really like Ryan Burch and Ellis Ericson, but Dane Reynolds and John John blow my mind.

What’s the worst session you’ve had?

At least once a week, lastly in Hossegor, France, after the contest – mega crowd, three closeouts, four pearls and I broke my favourite board.

What’s the best session you’ve had?

Most sessions.

What is your favourite board? 

I made a 7’1″, thinned-out-sorta-Terry-Fitz-type wing-pin with low rocker. I rode it in Bali a few months back. It had a thin tail that was nice, wedge foil, and plenty of flat surface for trimming.

What is your most treasured board? 

The last board I shaped or a really epic longboard Dane Peterson shaped, kind of a “Magic Sam” shape (Magic Sam was the board Nat Young rode in the 1966 world titles and regarded as the stepping stone tween longboards and short boards.)

“Looking back now, I realise that nothing can keep me from surfing, no party, no drug, no amount of beer, no girl, no band,  because I’m obsessed with surfing, the feeling, the culture, the history… everything.” Alex Knost

 

What’s the quality you like most in other surfers?

Some surfers go crazy! If fully obsessed, all those can communicate on some awesome astral plane of insanity.

What do you dislike about surfers?

No comment.

What talent do you wish you had as a surfer?

Oh, too many to list!

Has your perception of surfing changed over the years?

Yeah, for sure. The longer you surf, the more waves you ride, the more surfers you meet and that helps to widen your perception and the amount of respect toward everything.

Why are friendships between surfers stronger? 

People pretend they aren’t but deep down there’s a brotherhood, or sister hood, a family.

 

 

Four hectares of protected natural bushland that spans Great Ocean Road to Great Ocean. Four mill? Double it in a decade. Y'just gotta find the initial wedge.

Gimme: Wayne Lynch’s $4 million Beach House

Derek Rielly

By

The original child surf prodigy proves the hoary ol real estate cliche true, buy near the beach… 

If you wanna buy real estate, pick a beach you wanna surf and buy as big a hunk of dirt as close to it as you can. Prices will dip, spike, and they’ll plateau, but over the years it’ll turn into a bankroll that’ll get you through your harvest years.

Lifestyle and cash? Who knew it was that easy!

Wayne Lynch, the child prodigy of the sixties, whose backside jams in the movie Evolution were roughly 12 years ahead of the rest of the world, is selling his four-and-a-half hectare spread called Namatjira (named after the Aboriginal artist) halfway between Aireys Inlet and Angelsea on the Great Ocean Road in Victoria, a short drive from the burgers of Bells and the Winkipop express channel.

Wayne Lynch beachfront house
Ain’t that a hunk of prized dirt? Four-and-a-half hectares of protected natural bush. Wanna surf? Throw yourself in out front.

It ain’t just one house either, there’s two! Both with three-bedrooms. Perfect for the retired polygamous Mormon tired of Utah’s chill or perhaps a luxury eco-terrorist camp for well-heeled jihadis.

Wayne, his gal Lindy and their two kids Jarrah and Merinda are hitting it to the North Coast hence the sale. See more photos right here! (Click!)

Wayne Lynch from ENCYCLOPEDIA of SURFING videos on Vimeo.

Insider: Kelly Slater’s Vital Pipe Gun

Derek Rielly

By

Come and greet the six-six Semi-Pro Kelly rode (with vitality and courage!) to beat John John in last year's Pipe Masters… 

When Kelly Slater opened class at The Pipeline on Saturday, December 14, in that eight-to-12-feet north-north-west swell, it became apparent, very quickly, that he wasn’t on his usual mini-sleds.

And so the first question you ask his long-time pal and advisor Stephen “Belly” Bell is, why the length, why the thickness?

“‘Cause it was fucking massive,” he says.

Don’t you just love a slice of Australian ginger! Kelly is just as succinct. “When there’s big barrels and all you gotta do is go straight to get big scores you might as well be able to catch ’em,” he says.

The surfboard is a two-year-old Channel Islands 6’6″ Semi-Pro that Kelly had in the shed. Two weeks previously the 6’3″ he’d ridden at Sunset and another two boards, including a potential 6’8″ for Pipe, were stolen from the side of his house.

And so on the final day of the Pipe Masters, in his house on the beachfront there, prepping boards for his quarter-final, watching Mick ride into his third world title, Kelly chose the 6’6″ to ride with a couple of 6’7″s as backups.

And if you were watching the event, you would’ve seen Kelly make a drop on a squared-up 10-foot ledge that, perhaps, would’ve been impossible if he’d been on one of his shorter, more experimental boards.

“He’ll disagree but for a few years his boards were too short,” says Belly. “He went bigger, went back to length and it showed. That late drop in the final. Anything shorter and he wouldn’t have made it.”

Kelly ain’t one to disagree on that and says that in his first heat he was riding a 5’11” and got breathed off on a couple he could’ve made if only he’d been riding a longer board.

And Kelly says having four fins helped in the completion of the wave. They engage quicker than a thruster, he says, and transition faster at the bottom.

What you really wanna ask about that final day, and those last few heats, was how Kelly would’ve performed, magic board or not, if the world title was still a chance. Would his performance have been as murderously thorough? As complete?

“I like to think I would’ve tried to keep the same head space but things would’ve been different,” says Kelly. “There would’ve been someone else in that semi-final against John John. John John, likely, would’ve won that heat as well but everything would’ve been different, the emotion, the focus.  When I got into that final John John was real patient while I was more taking chances, trying to make things happen. It had gotten real slow and I figured the best bet was to get moving and catch a bunch of waves. But if the title was on the line I probably would’ve been looking at it different, maybe catching a little bit better waves to start the heat off. I like to think it would’ve gone the same but, who knows?”

And let’s reflect a little on the day. “When you’re that close to something in life and you don’t get it, it can be a tough pill to swallow.”

But, still, you gave cake. “Yeah,” says Kelly. “I didn’t leave anything on the table.”

(The dimensions of the Semi-Pro are 6’6″ x 18 1/4, 2 5/8″s. 11 1/4 nose, 13 1/14″ tail.)
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Photo: Jack English
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