Who doesn't! Real talk!
You recognise this almost 30-year-old hairball?
Maybe y’don’t. A doz or so years ago he was the clean-looking lil
Young Gun playing cute foil to the hoary champ Kelly Slater. Tween
Young Gun and now (Old Bum?), Dylan took on the WQS (ain’t much
success) before settling into that ever-warm freesurfing zone,
alongside the Gudauskas brothers. BeachGrit is a
fan of the Graves ideal, good times, minimal stress, kooky homemade
music, significant tuberides and boozy laughs.
What’s the biggest lie you’ve ever
said?
When I was seven I was with my brother and a few pals and we
went into this school supplies store with my my mom. We were such
little pissers, causing mayhem. We all went to the bathroom, and
stored in the bathroom, was all this merchandise. We thought it
would be funny if we pissed on these items. We came back in and
gave the key back to the guy and then the guy tried to blame us for
it. We denied it all, but then they got it out of us. Bullshit.
What’s the one thing you are most ashamed
of?
I got so many tickets I had to get a California ID. It’s weird,
growing up in Puerto Rico and bringing that out. I feel like I’ve
betrayed my country. I’m most ashamed of that.
The drunkest you’ve been?
Typically, parties at our house are big because we don’t have to
drive anywhere. And this particular one, all my friends were there,
my bro was in town. I had an Electric shoot the next day at
eight am. And we were having a good night, everything’s going good,
there’s girls around and then, for some reason, my friend and
Electric team manager Mark Yonkers starting towing each other into
vodka shoe-ies (vodka skulled out of shoes). Next thing I know I
was being woken up, lifted out of the car and escorted to the car
for the shoot.
The worst thing you’ve said to a
woman?
Well, you know, I’m very respectful to women. But if I have said
something wrong it was probably when I was at a point when I didn’t
know what I was doing. In which case I apologise.
Do women ask you to swish your long hair around their
breasts?
I kinda do it anyways.
What’s the worst thing you’ve done to a
friend?
I’ve head-butted my friends drunk before and my friends have
head-butted me. I have my nights where the gremlin comes out. Once
I’m way past my limit I don’t even know what’s going on
anymore.
Your most regular hateful thought?
Surfing crowded waves I fucking get pissed. When I’m most
frustrated is when someone gets in my way. It’s so hard with
surfing, to get the right section, to get that one barrel you’re
super psyched on. And you finally get that moment and someone’s in
your way? I can’t even describe my feelings. I just want to scream
for minutes. Just… fuck! And it’s no one’s fault.
I’ve been in people’s way before, too, and sometimes there’s
nothing you can do. But it’s one of those things that gets under
your skin. There’s nothing you can do. So you want to scream.
That’s the worst case. When I super snap. I want to say every cuss
word in the book.
The most jealous you’ve ever been?
I grew up with Brian Toth and he’d always win everything when we
were younger. And I remember he won this contest and the first
prize was a trip to Costa Rica for him and four people. And It
sounded so fun, Costa Rica, with your family, I was like…
fuck! That was one of the more jealous memories. It made
me wanna start ripping harder, howevs. Like, I fucking want to go
to Costa Rica.
Biggest illegal activity?
Riding my scooter without tags (registration). They’re strict as
shit about that in California. And not wearing a helmet. Double
illegal. Going down.
Your biggest regret?
My big regret is a collection of all those small, little regrets
you have every session: wishing you’d pulled in or taken a
different line. Those things happen on a weekly basis. Surfing’s so
crazy like that. You have that one wave that always stays in your
fucking mind and you want to go back and do that one little thing
that would’ve made you make that barrel or land that air.
Have you stolen anything?
Every time I go to the store I’m starving so I’ll eat a bag of
chips and when I’m done I’ll just throw it away or put it in my
pocket and figure I’ll pay for it when I’m at checkout. It don’t
always happen.
Biggest surf crime?
I gave my mom stitches one time. We were surfing my home spot
and it was a super small day and I love surfing out there without a
leash because it’s fun to swim in, get your board, run around and
see what’s going on the beach, the chicks cruising around. So I was
going surfing with mom and she told to me wear a leash (in
high-pitched mama voice: “You should wear a leash because you’re
going to lose your board and hit someone on the inside”) and I was,
like, nah, my board isn’t going to hit anyone and if it does it’s
going to be going really slow. And of course, a couple of waves
into the session, I lose my board and it hits my mom in the leg and
it gives her six stitches. Listen to mama!
What is your darkest fantasy?
Mmmmm. Like. Sexual fantasy? Surfing fantasy? What are we going
for here? Mmmmm. I’m a fan of dirty talk. I like it when girls
aren’t afraid to let some dirty shit come out. I just like it when
they say fuck. For some reason, it’s sexy when they say it really
fucking loud, it fucking turns me on.
