Exposed: Professional surfers are poor

Sports Illustrated uncovers the truth!

Sports Illustrated just did a story on how little money action sports stars make. (Read it here!) It is sad. Professional mountainbikers, for example, only make 50k to 200k a year and usually only win 25k in their competitions.

Sports Illustrated says, “The yawning pay gap between action sports athletes—and their mainstream rivals—is rarely discussed publicly. But among themselves, over beers, extreme athletes ‘talk about it all the time.’”

There are many tears in those beers.

Not as sad as professional mountainbikers, but still really sad, are professional surfers. Sports Illustrated says, “Just ask 21-year old Gabriel Medina, Brazil’s first surfing champion, who struggled for years before winning the 2014 ASP World Tour title.”

But then Sports Illustrated doesn’t ask him so I don’t know what they mean. Do they mean Gabs is Brazilian?

John John Florence makes 5 million dollars a year (number 1 on Stab’s “Rich List” in 2013) but he is poor because Floyd Mayweather Jr. makes 108 million dollars a year. Also, the PGA Tour offers a yearly purse of $314 million dollars while the World Surf League offers $5.8 million. The NFL makes 10 billion dollars a year. The WSL sometimes thinks it does too because it is bigger than the NFL (see here) but really makes negative hundreds of thousands of dollars a year.

Professional surfers should have maybe played golf or football instead of professional surfing.

What sport do you think professional surfers should have played? If there was a Kickstarter for professional surfers how much would you give? Can you maybe make a Kickstarter for professional surfers?

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Stu Nettle
Stu Nettle
11 years ago

It’s no wonder they’re poor, the slack arse bastards aren’t even trying. Take a look at Kelly’s unsightly pectoral rug and tell me that’s not a sponsorship endorsement gone wanting.

thebitchycrab
thebitchycrab
11 years ago
Reply to  Stu Nettle

It doesn’t excite, even a little? I find it beautifully arranged.

Stu Nettle
Stu Nettle
11 years ago
Reply to  thebitchycrab

It does…only a little…but these athletes can either wallow in their seven-digit poverty or take the call when Mr Gillette™ comes knocking.

Gabs knows which side of his bread is buttered. There be no tears in his beers.

thebitchycrab
thebitchycrab
11 years ago
Reply to  Stu Nettle

…oh I didn’t even swallow the connection with Gabriel! I’m so linear! Is the “seven-digit poverty” line yours? It’s very good.

Stu Nettle
Stu Nettle
11 years ago
Reply to  thebitchycrab

You’re gonna have to work on your cynicism Mr Crab. Need that faculty to flow freely, y’hear?

Michael A Kocher
Michael A Kocher
11 years ago

Man, now I feel bad for using GoFundMe to raise money for cancer treatment ( https://www.gofundme.com/mi… ). I should have been raising money for gabby or john john so they could continue to be young and fit and healthy and surf every single day.

http://www.gofundme.com/jjf…

Chas Smith
Chas Smith
11 years ago

At least you recognized your error early. Any chance you could change the name of https://www.gofundme.com/mi… to something else and transfer professional surfers all your money? Or is that agains the rules?

Michael A Kocher
Michael A Kocher
11 years ago
Reply to  Chas Smith

Oh I will look into it. Maybe I can even get one of those big checks and have them wheel my death bed to the north shore so I can give the big check to them directly and then get false cracked for coughing blood on the sand at Pipe..


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