Jill Hansen is the Hawaiian surfer and "model" who was charged last year with second-degree attempted murder after a 73-year-old Hawaii woman was seriously injured after being struck by a hit-and-run driver in the garage of her own apartment building. In 2010, Ms Hansen spoke at TEDx on supernaturalism, divinity, omnipresence, telekinesis and spirituality. Like, yike!
Memories: When Jill Hansen spoke at TEDx about “God”
Jill Hansen is the Hawaiian surfer and "model" charged last year with the attempted murder of an old lady. Like yike!
I’ll be totally honest, I’m not a huge fan of the whole TED talk deal. While it’s great to hear from talented, amazing people, the majority of them aren’t the greatest of public speakers and you kinda gotta be if you expect people to sit and listen to you talk for an extended period.
I like TEDx slightly more.
TEDx is the independent, pretty-much-anyone-can-do-it cousin to real TED, and its more inclusive nature makes for some beautiful train wrecks. Like the glorious trip through delusion that was Jill Hansen’s TEDx insanity.
Since last September, Jill has been confined to a psychiatric hospital where they are seeking to medicate her into a semblance of sanity sufficient to put her on trial for the attempted murder of a 73-three-year-old woman, but you can expect to see more of her in the news in coming months. Apparently the drugs worked!
Until then, do yourself a favor and take eighteen minutes from your day and tune into her TEDx ramblings. (Press the play button on the photo and then click on the YouTube logo.)
From TEDx: “Covering the topics of supernaturalism, divinity, omnipresence, telekinesis and spirituality, Jill wishes to share her experiences as a seeking student of the great “CREATOR”. Story telling a few of her “super- natural” experiences that brought her to realizing GOD, Jill would like to “pay it forward” by sharing the answers she found to some of her greater questions. Jill will also share how her business was “divinely inspired” and the process by which it developed as part of a “GOD” thing.
The surf-adventure photographer on "the joys of surfing ice-cold water!" Wait, there's joy?
You know what a TED conference is, yeah? Okay, I’ll imagine y’don’t. TED stands for Technology, Entertainment, Design). And it’s a series of conferences that take place around the world. Real prestigious. Presidents, Nobel Prize winners, all sorts of cats get on the mic.
With a max of 18 minutes talk time under their belt, some of the most compelling human beings (and yeah, some spectacular bores, too, but mostly it’s good) sound off in a sing-song story-telling style on science and culture.
And, just released, is the speech the 29-year-old Californian photographer Chris Burkard made on “the joy of surfing in ice-cold water.”
There’s joy surfing when it’s cold? Who knew!
Let’s dip into the speech midway: “It wasn’t until I traveled to Norway — (Laughter) — that I really learned to appreciate the cold. So this is the place where some of the largest, the most violent storms in the world send huge waves smashing into the coastline. We were in this tiny, remote fjord, just inside the Arctic Circle. It had a greater population of sheep than people, so help if we needed it was nowhere to be found. I was in the water taking pictures of surfers, and it started to snow. And then the temperature began to drop. And I told myself, there’s not a chance you’re getting out of the water. You traveled all this way, and this is exactly what you’ve been waiting for: freezing cold conditions with perfect waves. And although I couldn’t even feel my finger to push the trigger, I knew I wasn’t getting out. So I just did whatever I could. I shook it off, whatever. But that was the point that I felt this wind gush through the valley and hit me, and what started as this light snowfall quickly became a full-on blizzard, and I started to lose perception of where I was. I didn’t know if I was drifting out to sea or towards shore, and all I could really make out was the faint sound of seagulls and crashing waves.
“Now, I knew this place had a reputation for sinking ships and grounding planes, and while I was out there floating, I started to get a little bit nervous. Actually, I was totally freaking out — (Laughter) — and I was borderline hypothermic, and my friends eventually had to help me out of the water. And I don’t know if it was delirium setting in or what, but they told me later I had a smile on my face the entire time.
San Clemente's Ian Crane tears to little pieces the mercury ridden water of the Great Lakes. With zing!
The Great Lakes are a series of interconnected freshwater lakes on the border of the US and Canada. Think Chicago (Lake Michigan), Toronto (Lake Ontario). Think Detroit. Think industrial. Think mercury in the water. Birth defects. Unhappy fish. It ain’t Indonesia.
But if the wind blows enough, waves will discharge themselves. And they’re interesting enough. Fresh water means less buoyancy but less drag. And no sharks!
Here we see San Clemente’s Ian Crane squeeze out a shuv-it in between laborious turns in the cold water and even a bonus sequence of a kook being bounced on some rocks.
“I know you’re trying to be funny and you may be a proud, skilled waterman,” the doctor wrote, “but the way you describe the joy, satisfaction and self validation that you get from watching ordinary men (and women) fear for their lives and become injured… it’s scary man. Your article wreaks [sic] of a true blue psychopath, waterman or not.”
While this is hardly the first time someone has expressed that sentiment in regards to my supposed lack of empathy I was, perhaps understandably, hesitant to accept the initial diagnosis. After all, it wasn’t long ago that I was nearly killed by a misdiagnosed skull infection, from which I took away the conviction that you should always seek a second opinion.
I’ve always been slightly concerned that setting foot in a shrink’s office will find me temporarily confined for a 72-hour observation and so I decided to seek out some top-notch testing online. Using the power of the internet would ensure I got a trustworthy diagnosis, as well as provide enough anonymity to quell my fear of straight jackets and court-ordered medication.
Since I’ve always tried to live by the rule, “If you can’t change it, revel in it,” here’s a second helping of delicious schadenfreude. Because the only thing better than having something good happen to you is seeing something bad happen to someone else.
This goes from bad to worse astonishingly quickly. Good thing she thought to wear a helmet.
Sometimes you get caught, and some times are worse than others.
This baby’s got it all! A little kid in Speedos, a pair of big ol’ milk floppers bouncing about and a drunk woman nearly drowning in six inches of water.
There’s just something enthralling about watching a person panic and turn a minor mishap into a near death experience.
Some guy learning to surf on the wrong day. Source: rootdown003
I’ve always enjoyed watching people get hammered by surges they aren’t expecting. Waimea on a decent swell is a great spot for it. Wedge is too. Post up well away from the berm, crack a cold beer, and watch a bunch of fools get periodically smoked by a churning melange of sand and salt water.
There are a lot of failed rock jump videos on the web and a common thread among them is that half second of hesitation that ends in an ass beating.
But, if you commit, you can occasionally salvage a dire situation. Boogie bro here came pretty close to snuffing it, maybe next time he’ll learn to time sets a tad better.
I hope you enjoyed watching the videos as much I enjoyed compiling them.
Find out why Kelly wants to "destroy John John!" So candid, Mr King!
Some people got it, some people don’t. It’s how life works. And Peter King, the former pro surfer from La Jolla in California, the music video maker, the skateboarder, the musician, the photographer, and the creator of #Tour Notes for Hurley, is one of ’em.
Likeable? Yeah, he is. Will he make you laugh? Yeah, he will.
Tour Notes is the perfect antidote to the high-production values of the WSL. I love the sing-song voice of Joe and the cavorting of the gazelle-like Rosie, the desk and the tropical shirts and the on-screen graphics and I even like the Samsung ads, but it’s Tour Notes, that really gets me.
Who can miss an episode? It’s a disposable pop art that’s perfect for Generation Selfie. It’s a yowling discharge of all those down days, all that… nothing but everything… that surrounds those two-week waiting periods at contests. It’s peculiar, it’s memorable, it’s a surface with slips but no adjustments.
I wanted to talk to PK about the machinations of making Tour Notes and found he, en route to dinner, very late, in Rio, with his boy-pal John John Florence, whose commentary will be seen later in the interview.
BeachGrit: Tell me about making documentaries.
PK: It works because it’s me. I’ve been around the tour, I know it. I was on tour for three-and-a-half years, back when girls wanted to hang with Shaun Tomson and Rabbit Bartholomew and were 35 years old and wore high-waisted bikinis, do cocaine and all those things I didn’t know about. And what do I remember about my time on the tour? It isn’t the heats. I wanna show the fun. I want to show the silly little conversations.
BeachGrit: How did you make Tour Notes happen? Even low-budget takes money.
PK: I’m persistent. And overweight. It’s a deadly combination. Oh, but seriously, Evan Slater (from Hurley, the sponsor of Tour Notes) is a real journalist. He appreciated my ability to deliver something. I just have my iPhone running. Most of Tour Notes is shot on an iPhone. I have a RED camera but I just look at it.
BeachGrit: Aren’t they just the prettiest things! But there’s a vulgarity about them too…
PK: It looks like jewellery. I just look at it and say, wow, I have a RED. I always wanted to be in that club of rich kids that have a RED. It seems like they’re having so much fun when they’re setting up their tripods on the beach. I like to move quick. I have ADD times five.
BeachGrit: It shows in your edits. Y’ain’t killing us with slow-mo.
PK: If I can keep myself interested in an edit, I know I’ve done a good job. I’m always thinking, am I forcing this? I want people to scroll through, see the content, I want them to laugh, to be excited, and move onto the next thing. It’s not for sitting around watching. It’s not high-art, it’s not a movie. Watch it and move on.
I don’t think anyone edits faster than me. The turnaround can be instantaneous, if that’s the desired thing. But after the event, I like to wait. The broadcast can have its 22 cameras, its feeds, everything. I give it a day-and-a-half breather usually. You know, I was staying with (Hurley’s) Pat O’Connell a couple of weeks ago and he didn’t even know I was making it. He didn’t want to be in Tour Notes, he’s the one paying me to make it. So that was me doing a send-up of my boss. I’m taking as much a risk as you did leaving Stab before it got sold for millions. You blew that. Now you’ve got Chas Smith around your neck, burying you with the advertisers. Everyone reads BeachGrit but no one admits it. No one is allowed to admit it around the tour.
(John John walks past…)
Hey! Matt or Kelly? (John John yells)
He says Matt’s (Spindle Air 540) is better than Kelly’s (540 in Portugal).
(to John) Matt didn’t quite land it and he claimed it! No, I don’t think it’s better. Kelly’s was an accident? He was doing it to bum you out. And it worked!
(back to the interview)
Kelly’s amazing. He’s better than all these guys. Hee hee hee. Kelly has that power because Kelly is the best. He looks completely uninterested unless he’s in a heat with John or knows John is watching. He wants to destroy John. And that’s another nuance in that Rio episode of Tour Notes. Nothing needs to be said. It’s Kelly and John starting at a monitor with Filipe doing a full-rotation air in front of them. Who cares what they said? They’re watching and they’re stunned! Hello! Budda-bing, budda-boom!
BeachGrit: What’s your professional opinion about Kelly this year? I weep when he gets sent out in crummy waves, reducing the game to a lottery…
PK: He’s completely uninterested and that’s my professional analysis. If he rides that Tomo (Dan Thomson board) he’ll be interested. The world tour needs to motivate him. He will be motivated in Fiji. He’ll win Fiji, guaranteed, him or John. Fiji, Teahupoo, Pipeline, that’s John John and Kelly territory.
BeachGrit: Tell me why you succeed where others don’t.
PK: I’m 47 and that has a lot to do with it. I don’t drink, never drank, I love sugar, but I’m not threatening anyone’s space. I’m not some 26 year old shucking and jiving my way up the marketing chain. I’m not trying to be anyone’s agent, I’m not trying to be a host of the webcast, I’m not trying to make 15 dollars on a Surfline photo. There’s no jealousy. It’s just me.