Not us, but Marie Claire France. Go to Paris to improve your surf game!
I go to Marie Claire France for many things: the amour et sexo, the latest photos from the festival de Cannes and the occasional long-form story on le sexe anal pour pimenter sa vie sexuelle. How did I ever live without Google Translate?
What I didn’t expect to find today was a compelling video piece on the American invention, the RipSurfer X, an out-of-water device “designed to simulate the physical demands of surfing without the ocean. Torch body fat, build lean muscle & get a ripped core with our signature surf-inspired workouts you can watch from home.”
If you’re in Paris, maybe you’re on a layover ‘tween European travels or you’re en route to Hossegor, you can swing over to the eighth arrondissement and for 30 Euros actually improve your surf game.
“You sweat to punchy background music and there’s a large display with life-size images of waves to believe you’re in Hawaii! The legs, arms and buttocks are ultra solicited throughout the session.”
Jill Hansen is the Hawaiian surfer and "model" who was charged last year with second-degree attempted murder after a 73-year-old Hawaii woman was seriously injured after being struck by a hit-and-run driver in the garage of her own apartment building. In 2010, Ms Hansen spoke at TEDx on supernaturalism, divinity, omnipresence, telekinesis and spirituality. Like, yike!
Memories: When Jill Hansen spoke at TEDx about “God”
Jill Hansen is the Hawaiian surfer and "model" charged last year with the attempted murder of an old lady. Like yike!
I’ll be totally honest, I’m not a huge fan of the whole TED talk deal. While it’s great to hear from talented, amazing people, the majority of them aren’t the greatest of public speakers and you kinda gotta be if you expect people to sit and listen to you talk for an extended period.
I like TEDx slightly more.
TEDx is the independent, pretty-much-anyone-can-do-it cousin to real TED, and its more inclusive nature makes for some beautiful train wrecks. Like the glorious trip through delusion that was Jill Hansen’s TEDx insanity.
Since last September, Jill has been confined to a psychiatric hospital where they are seeking to medicate her into a semblance of sanity sufficient to put her on trial for the attempted murder of a 73-three-year-old woman, but you can expect to see more of her in the news in coming months. Apparently the drugs worked!
Until then, do yourself a favor and take eighteen minutes from your day and tune into her TEDx ramblings. (Press the play button on the photo and then click on the YouTube logo.)
From TEDx: “Covering the topics of supernaturalism, divinity, omnipresence, telekinesis and spirituality, Jill wishes to share her experiences as a seeking student of the great “CREATOR”. Story telling a few of her “super- natural” experiences that brought her to realizing GOD, Jill would like to “pay it forward” by sharing the answers she found to some of her greater questions. Jill will also share how her business was “divinely inspired” and the process by which it developed as part of a “GOD” thing.
The surf-adventure photographer on "the joys of surfing ice-cold water!" Wait, there's joy?
You know what a TED conference is, yeah? Okay, I’ll imagine y’don’t. TED stands for Technology, Entertainment, Design). And it’s a series of conferences that take place around the world. Real prestigious. Presidents, Nobel Prize winners, all sorts of cats get on the mic.
With a max of 18 minutes talk time under their belt, some of the most compelling human beings (and yeah, some spectacular bores, too, but mostly it’s good) sound off in a sing-song story-telling style on science and culture.
And, just released, is the speech the 29-year-old Californian photographer Chris Burkard made on “the joy of surfing in ice-cold water.”
There’s joy surfing when it’s cold? Who knew!
Let’s dip into the speech midway: “It wasn’t until I traveled to Norway — (Laughter) — that I really learned to appreciate the cold. So this is the place where some of the largest, the most violent storms in the world send huge waves smashing into the coastline. We were in this tiny, remote fjord, just inside the Arctic Circle. It had a greater population of sheep than people, so help if we needed it was nowhere to be found. I was in the water taking pictures of surfers, and it started to snow. And then the temperature began to drop. And I told myself, there’s not a chance you’re getting out of the water. You traveled all this way, and this is exactly what you’ve been waiting for: freezing cold conditions with perfect waves. And although I couldn’t even feel my finger to push the trigger, I knew I wasn’t getting out. So I just did whatever I could. I shook it off, whatever. But that was the point that I felt this wind gush through the valley and hit me, and what started as this light snowfall quickly became a full-on blizzard, and I started to lose perception of where I was. I didn’t know if I was drifting out to sea or towards shore, and all I could really make out was the faint sound of seagulls and crashing waves.
“Now, I knew this place had a reputation for sinking ships and grounding planes, and while I was out there floating, I started to get a little bit nervous. Actually, I was totally freaking out — (Laughter) — and I was borderline hypothermic, and my friends eventually had to help me out of the water. And I don’t know if it was delirium setting in or what, but they told me later I had a smile on my face the entire time.
San Clemente's Ian Crane tears to little pieces the mercury ridden water of the Great Lakes. With zing!
The Great Lakes are a series of interconnected freshwater lakes on the border of the US and Canada. Think Chicago (Lake Michigan), Toronto (Lake Ontario). Think Detroit. Think industrial. Think mercury in the water. Birth defects. Unhappy fish. It ain’t Indonesia.
But if the wind blows enough, waves will discharge themselves. And they’re interesting enough. Fresh water means less buoyancy but less drag. And no sharks!
Here we see San Clemente’s Ian Crane squeeze out a shuv-it in between laborious turns in the cold water and even a bonus sequence of a kook being bounced on some rocks.
“I know you’re trying to be funny and you may be a proud, skilled waterman,” the doctor wrote, “but the way you describe the joy, satisfaction and self validation that you get from watching ordinary men (and women) fear for their lives and become injured… it’s scary man. Your article wreaks [sic] of a true blue psychopath, waterman or not.”
While this is hardly the first time someone has expressed that sentiment in regards to my supposed lack of empathy I was, perhaps understandably, hesitant to accept the initial diagnosis. After all, it wasn’t long ago that I was nearly killed by a misdiagnosed skull infection, from which I took away the conviction that you should always seek a second opinion.
I’ve always been slightly concerned that setting foot in a shrink’s office will find me temporarily confined for a 72-hour observation and so I decided to seek out some top-notch testing online. Using the power of the internet would ensure I got a trustworthy diagnosis, as well as provide enough anonymity to quell my fear of straight jackets and court-ordered medication.
Since I’ve always tried to live by the rule, “If you can’t change it, revel in it,” here’s a second helping of delicious schadenfreude. Because the only thing better than having something good happen to you is seeing something bad happen to someone else.
This goes from bad to worse astonishingly quickly. Good thing she thought to wear a helmet.
Sometimes you get caught, and some times are worse than others.
This baby’s got it all! A little kid in Speedos, a pair of big ol’ milk floppers bouncing about and a drunk woman nearly drowning in six inches of water.
There’s just something enthralling about watching a person panic and turn a minor mishap into a near death experience.
Some guy learning to surf on the wrong day. Source: rootdown003
I’ve always enjoyed watching people get hammered by surges they aren’t expecting. Waimea on a decent swell is a great spot for it. Wedge is too. Post up well away from the berm, crack a cold beer, and watch a bunch of fools get periodically smoked by a churning melange of sand and salt water.
There are a lot of failed rock jump videos on the web and a common thread among them is that half second of hesitation that ends in an ass beating.
But, if you commit, you can occasionally salvage a dire situation. Boogie bro here came pretty close to snuffing it, maybe next time he’ll learn to time sets a tad better.
I hope you enjoyed watching the videos as much I enjoyed compiling them.