BeachGrit’s Hollywood insider tells us several of surfing’s most handsome twenty-somethings are courting (or being courted) by MTV.
Balaram Stack, Luke Davis The Grey, Koa Smith, and Ian Crane—boy toys the whole lot—are reportedly meeting today to discuss a “possible reality TV show” with the world’s most insidiously brilliant network.
The mind reels at the possibilities! What a strange smattering of personalities! Will they bunk up somewhere tropical and let the hijinks unfold? Will they snuggle up in the wintry north, with Balaram as their ice-hardened guide? Please, let them be paraded around exotic locales! Let them dance upon waves of whiskey and dark, mysterious women!
The meeting comes at the heels of Mr Davis the Grey’s international debut as SurfCore’s posterboy in this month’s issue of Men’s Journal. You can see the silver fox San Clementian donning Reef’s remarkable line made in collaboration with genius Japanese designer Masafumi Watanabe, looking snap-fresh and more camera-ready than most any surfer in recent memory. Perhaps surfing’s sudden high dive back into international mainstream fashion has something to do with it.
Or maybe MTV has simply forgotten about all their numerous other surfing-related abortions.
Let us remember them in all their blinding brilliance!
I ran a guy down while surfing Chun’s Reef a few years ago. It was a fun chest to head high day, slightly gooey, very crowded, but the sun was shining, and all the girls from BYU were out knee paddling around in their itsy bitsy bikini bottoms. I think even Brigham Young himself would agree there’s little more wonderful than a taut and tan teenage rear pointed proudly skyward.
I snagged a fun set wave from behind the peak, as I bottomed turned around the section some kid on a new Merrick dropped right in without looking, doing a weak little fade right into my path.
I didn’t see him until the last second. Unable to turn around him I tried to stomp on the tail and apply the brakes, but only succeeded in lifting the nose out of the water enough to spear him in the ass at full speed.
I hit him hard, hard enough to be worried that I may have hurt him fairly badly.
Chun’s is one of those waves where you can’t expect to have any fun at all unless you accept the fact that you’re gonna get stuffed a hundred times by a mix of surf schools students, SoCal blow-throughs, and deluded Town clowns. It’s no big deal, if you want to play serious surfer all you need to do is man up and surf one of the million spots that are shallow and lack a nice deep and easy channel.
After I speared the poor fucker the first thing I did was check the nose of my board. Because priorities, I honestly thought I may have buckled it. Seeing my log was fine I hopped on and sprint paddled over to the moaning barney on the inside to check if he was okay.
The look on his face when he saw me coming was pure comedy. Eyes wide, face white, through his head was running every Hawaii localism lie he’d ever heard. Never mind my haole transplant status, to him I was some red faced, shaved head lunatic who’d just kicked his board at him out of nowhere, come to exact my revenge.
I pulled up short when I realized I’d scared him, asked, “You okay?” He stammered something, apologized. I told him it was no big deal, but be careful. No one wants to get hurt.
This video made the rounds a while back, but it’s worth a rewatch. Attractive lady getting bashed in the gourd by some dude on a rental, all of it captured in stunning wide angle GoPro footage.
The funny thing about filming yourself surfing, the only people really interested in it are those who truly rip, and those who can barely stand. I don’t understand the purpose behind filming your first few years in the water, but thankfully other people must, because otherwise we wouldn’t be able to enjoy footage like this.
Children are the worst. Watch this little brat totally ruin what would have been the wave of a lifetime.
Seriously, the GoPro kook angle is the worst. Perched on the nose looking back the camera will make even the best surfer look like an arm flailing kook machine. But it can also capture carnage like this, so it’s not all downside.
I’d almost definitely lose my temper over this one.
Until next time, here’s a little boy exercising poor judgment in a public toilet.
Her name is Deep Blue and she lives a short swim from San Diego!
Last year, off Guadalupe Island, Mexico, a local researcher named Mauricio Hoyos Padilla tagged the biggest shark ever filmed. She measures over 20 feet and is as fat as two cows. He just released his footage and what a beauty! The best part? She lives a short swim from San Diego!
Fun, no? Let’s surf! It’s 2-3 with light onshores!
Richard Milhous Nixon, 37th President of the United States, visited China in 1972. It was very historic as, up to that point, there had been no formal relations between the two countries. President Nixon met with Chairman Mao. They spoke in generalities with one observer, Winston Lord, being less than impressed with Mao’s style. “I remember distinctly, coming out of the meeting somewhat disappointed…” he said. “I was impressed with the physical impact of Mao. It was also clear that this man was tough, ruthless, and came from a peasant background, in contrast to the elegant, Mandarin quality of Zhou Enlai. However, I thought that the conversation was somewhat episodic and not very full.”
President Nixon was impeached in 1974 and became the first President in United States history to resign. In his final speech he said, “We have unlocked the doors that for a quarter of a century stood between the United States and the People’s Republic of China. We must now ensure that the one quarter of the world’s people who live in the People’s Republic of China will be and remain not our enemies but our friends.”
Forty-one years later, Nixon, watch company from Encinitas, CA is ensuring that the United States and China remain not enemies, and not even friends, but bros. The Nixon surf team just went and shredded Hainan Island. The waves looked fun. The Chinese spectators appeared pleased/indifferent. The sun shone brightly on all.
Men's Journal has declared 2015 the year of SurfCore!
You’ve been waiting. You’ve been standing inside your closet feeling the fool because your shirts are Quiksilver and your pants are Volcom and your shoes are Globe and you have absolutely nothing else to wear. You’ve seen the critical stares of today’s youth when you step outside and even though your Billabong tee is hiding underneath a fairly subtle Brixton hoodie. You’ve been thinking, “Will I ever be cool again? Will the girls ever look at me and not gag?”
Guess what? As of today, according to Men’s Journal, you are! And they won’t!
Pop the bubs, darling, because this has been declared the year of “SurfCore!”
Lumbersexual? Done. Normcore? So last year. 2015 belongs to you and me. “Unlike with the lumberjack look or anything else, surfcore is all about authenticity,” menswear designer Derek Buse, tells Men’s Journal. “You can’t say confidently that every guy wants to buy into the lumberjack look, because not every guy wants to live and represent a lumberjack lifestyle. But with the surfing lifestyle — the tan, the laid back vibes, the idea of always being surrounded by your friends — the majority of guys would sign up to have that aesthetic and live that life.”
Hell’s bells sign up for that aesthetic! Shit yeah live that life! This whole business is written on our sexy pterygium eyeballs and threadbare SurfExpo boudoirs.
“Surfcore comes from an actual community of people who live that life everyday,” Joe Sadler, Derek Buse’s partner, continues. “It’s a club that anyone can join, too. Any guy can go surf, and it’s easy to fit in because it’s more than just a sport — it’s about getting with your boys and finding a place to hang.”
Son of a bitch it’s more than a sport! Motherfuckin’ gettin’ with my boys and findin’ a place to hiz-ang!
But it is actually really complicated to look SurfCore. Read how here. And thanks Men’s Journal! Someone is getting laid tonight (the guy who stocks the milk at my local grocery store with the most serious neck tan line)!