Australia: “Unusual Great White Activity!”

If you're a shark-spotter, these are halcyon days!

Australia’s government broadcaster, the ABC, published an online story last Friday warning of “an unusually high number” of great white sharks off the coast of Perth.

“Six great white sharks have been tagged off Perth in the past two weeks by the Department of Fisheries.”

The tagged great whites were two metres or larger.

“Department scientist Dr Brett Molony said unusual activity was being caused by the annual migration of schools of salmon.

‘The salmon typically migrate into metropolitan waters every year, but they are doing it in bigger numbers and staying around a lot more, a lot longer,’ he said. ‘I don’t think size is that important, it’s just knowing that they’re there, and when they’re there there may be other sharks as well.’

The Western Australian government has built a website called “SharkSmart” that enables users to click on a map and see where tagged sharks have been recorded. It’s a little clunky, like most government websites, but it does include a link to a Twitter account with warnings from this morning such as,

“3.5m white shark sighted 3km offshore  Port Beach, Perth Metro.  sighted 15:23hrs 07/09.”

Or, from a few hours earlier,

“4.5m white shark sighted 5km offshore  Michaelmas Island, Albany.  sighted 11:21hrs 07/09.”

Meanwhile, on Australia’s east coast, a community organisation has set up a Facebook page called Shark Reports that collects data from fisherman, surfers and the government to at least give ocean users a bit of a heads-up when it comes to the location of sharks, specifically whites.

From this morning, it reports that a 10-foot white was tagged and released off the popular left-hander South Wall at Ballina, NSW. Ballina? That name ring a bell? Probs don’t need to remind you of the fatal attack on the Japanese surfer by a white in February or the non-fatal attack by a white on a bodyboarder there in July.

Three hours earlier, it reported a minor attack six hours drive south on the NSW Central Coast.

Yesterday, it reported numerous sightings of a great white around Fingal Island and Fingal Bay.

At Lennox, a source reports that nine great whites “have moved in. All four-metres plus…”

The same source emailed a photo of small Lennox Head, with the message, “It’s flat, praise the lord.”

Now you can take all this three ways.

That the focus on sharks has made us paranoid and no further action is necessary. Stay surfing.

Two, there’s something going on out there, therefore, monitor these shark sites and don’t surf rivermouths or anywhere at dawn or dusk.

Or, three, if you’re the romantic type, a shark spotter maybe, marvel at the blistering health of Australia’s coastal waters  and pray for some meaningful interaction with these one-of-a-kind predators.

These are halcyon days!

And what do you do if you find a great white on the beach? Roll it back into the sea!

 

 


Jet-Surfboard claims Vic Secrets Model!

Dutch model Yfke Sturm in coma after collision with jet-surfboard… 

Jet powered surfing, that Kai Lenny promo’ed high speed fun-fest that I’m dying to try but will never be able to afford, has claimed its first high-profile injury victim.

21093_Unidentified_p_RasmusMog

Supermodel, Yfke Sturm (cool name) is in a coma after suffering a fractured skull and several fractured vertabrae while being run down by a fellow high octane enthusiast after Sturm fell from her board and attempted to swim to safety.

(Click here)

A safety which does not exist, so long as you’re sharing the water with a bunch of yahoos flying around on kill sleds.

Which is what they are. Two things come to mind whenever I see a clip of one of these things in action. First, they really do look like a lot of fun, and second, people are gonna die.

By my estimate, jet-skis kill over a million people each year, a number which is completely invented but seems likely if you’ve ever spent time near a freshwater body during a holiday weekend.

Absolutely terrifying, drunk lunatics flying around on heavy machinery with no brakes and poor steering capability. Remove the ease of riding from a sitting position and steering with your hands and you’ve got a recipe for carnage.

No word yet on which company’s product mangled the Victoria’s Secret model, though an almost definitely assured lawsuit should soon shed light on the subject.


More: Dumb Questions to Ask Surfers!

Do you dye your hair? Are you as good as Kelly Slater? Is the water cold?

The game of surf is a source of endless fascination to the wider world. All but impossible to learn once you exit adolescence, it punches the buttons of danger, difficulty, fantasy and spirituality.

And, so, if you’ve surfed longer than a few years you’ll know the following questions. You’ll know them so well you’ll have a rehearsed answer for each.

1. Do you dye your hair?

All of us, even those with the darkest of hair, gets a little streak here and there of blond if we surf enough. What happens is the sun crushes all the melanin in our hair and ’cause hair is dead, we go blond. And yet, at every party, family get together, we’re asked, “Do you dye your hair?” And all the science in the world can’t convince ’em otherwise.

Your response: “Yeah, I do. It sets off my chocolate skin, non?”

2. Are you as good as Kelly Slater?

Parents and potential mates will ask you this question, most seriously. As in, surely, if you’re out there every day you must have achieved a level close to, say, Kelly Slater? What can you say? That it’s the most difficult sport in the world, that to even attempt one new move you have to manoeuvre yourself out the back, snatch a wave from a crowd, get to your feet and then find the appropriate section to even attempt a turn, let alone achieve any kind of brilliance, let alone match the greatest athlete ever in sport?

Your response: “I think my cutback is a little stronger although, when you balance everything, I’d say Kelly still comes out on top.”

3. Have you surfed Mavericks/Jaws/Waimea Bay?

Surely, with enough practice, the mountains of Mavs, Jaws and the Bay become more accessible? What can you say, when a genuine, Hawaiian-style four-foot wave terrifies most of us? And that big-wave surfing is pure existentialist terror?

Your response: “Those overrated shore breaks? I like to surf my mountains away from crowds.”

4. Do you surf in winter?

Any time the air temperature drops below 65 and the water below 60, you’ll be hit with this incredulous question. Of course, you must play it up. You are a warrior who bravely fights the elements, for whom hypothermia is but a bug that you will squash with your numb hands.

Your response: “I have to, even if it kills me. It’s when the waves get good.”

5. Will it take me long to learn to surf?

…as asked by an adult. Oh, you poor thing! Do you want the truth? No, because you will never learn or would you rather the feel-good lie, “It depends how often you practise.”

Your response: “Theoretically…”

6. Will you show me how to surf?

It depends. Will you yelp and cry and shriek and complain? Or will you handle being tossed over the falls of an impossible-to-surf shore break on an eight-foot soft board?

Your response: “We go at five am…”

7. Do you ever get scared of sharks?

Every single second of every single session and you long for the day when shark nets cover the globe. Often you fantasise of an ocean without man-eaters.

Your response: “We’re in their domain and if I die, I die. At least I’ll be killed doing what I love.”

8. Have you been to Hawaii?

The truth is you’re too damn terrified of the waves and the crowds to go near the joint.

Your response: “Hoping to spend a few months there this winter.”

9. Are you going surfing (while carrying board)?

Your response: “No I’m a delivery man for an ironing board company.”


Ty Swan and Pascale Honore.

Duct-Tape Surfing Heroine Dies

Paraplegic Pascale Honore made headlines surfing while strapped to Ty Swan… 

You would’ve been caught up in the viral fingers of the Duct Tape Surfing a couple of years back. How could you not? It plucked heart strings like nothing else! Cute surfer delivers the thrill of the ocean back to a middle-aged woman who’d busted her spine in a car accident.

The surfer was South Australian Ty Swan (boo of BeachGrit favourite Brinkley Davies) and the woman was his pal’s French-born mom, Pascale. Ty figured, “I wonder if you can surf on the same board? I could duct tape you to my back and surf, I don’t see why not.”

Pascale said, “It’s shown me you can still have a dream and things are possible… I remember looking up, the colour, the sound, being part of everything, being part of the water.”

Pascale, who was 52, died over the weekend of complications following surgery.

“Ty and I have been in a lot of places in the last few months and we have met so many people who know of Pascale and are amazed and speak of her as an inspirational and a beautiful soul,” said Brinkley this morning. “We had a free-dive for you today and then listened to live music on the beach here thinking of you and could imagine you sitting there with us, Coyote, Morgs, Tom and the whole west coast crew… I’ll forever take you with me in my mind wherever we end up on this planet.”

Duct Tape Surfing from Mark Tipple on Vimeo.


Just in: Kauai Locals Besiege The Inertia!

Much-loved, if racist, surf website, banned from Hawaiian paradise…

The decision to post a video of a well known and typically pretty shitty Kauai beachbreak landed The Inertia in hot water this week. Shot by local crackpot Terry Lilley, the video is about five minutes of freight-train rights and bottoming-out, near-dry reef left barrels.

It’s no secret that Kauai has very good surf, nor is it a secret that the locals have traditionally done a very good job of keeping it under wraps. Topography plays a factor, there’s no Seven Mile Miracle equivalent on Kauai.

Coastal access is limited, meaning it can fire all day without anyone being the wiser. But, mainly, people are pretty smart about not posting photos or footage. No one wants to become the next Oahu.

Online reaction to the post has been, by and large, negative:

Way to go inertia kooks 

CLOWNS. THIS IS BLOWN. NO FCKEN RESPECT 

Kauai boyz living in California will be paying you guys a visit real soon!!! U fucked with the wrong island!!! Rule number one you don’t fucking film on Kauai! Rule number two you don’t fucking post it!! You broke both of their rules nd I just got word they are searching for you in California pal! Enjoy yourself punk!!

you shouldn’t even put “reef guardians” in the video. In fact you shouldn’t even have made the video. These locals defending their area are the real reef guardians not you clown. And you will learn sooner or later. Kauai is one big family ready to fight for what they think is right weather people like it or not. And if you guys don’t like it #nocomekauai

Thanks for exposing our zones u dumb kooks. 

You guys are fucked and engoy runing beatiful spots . Guys like u is why locals gotta move away from their homes. Bumbai you learn the hard way.. fucking kooks is right u should take this shit down. I heard guys are looking 4 you now 

Just another stoopid haole for u. No respect. U is the definition of one HAOLE! Cannot just come here and film our surf zones. U just put a big target on ur back brah Remove the video!! 

Kauai boyz living in California will be paying you guys a visit real soon!!! U fucked with the wrong island!!! Rule number one you don’t fucking film on Kauai! Rule number two you don’t fucking post it!! You broke both of their rules nd I just got word they are searching for you in California pal! Enjoy yourself punk!! 

These guys don’t learn, they got punked out last year and hid in their rooms at turtle bay.. Fucken scrubs! 

Chava Greenlee, Kai Garcia, Kala Alexander, find the admin… 

Tell the whole fucken world dipshits!! Fuck the inertia..this is why when kooks come here they get slapped.. 

Inertia is fucking lame and always has been! Now you’re narking off more spots that will lead to increased crowds and more tension in the water. Stay in L.A. and keep your mouths shut! 

Explore, exploit and claim. Mentality is still the same as the first white man that discovered Hawaii. 

He is clipped. He can no longer show his face on Kauai beaches 

I emailed Alex Haro, The Inertia Senior Editor and all-around nice guy, to see what he’s been dealing with:

“Oh god, that shit’s crazy. I can see their point, though… but it’s not a secret spot at all, is it? I only lived in Kauai for three months, and that was the first place I went, I think. Although it didn’t look anything like that at the time.

“Been fielding hate mail all day… but it’s still not as bad as the stuff we used to get from the entire country of Brazil. One of them wrote my girlfriend and told her that she’s ‘in a relationship with a xenophobic, dick-sucking homo,’ which I thought was nice. I had to Google xenophobic, because dick-sucking homos are illiterate, I guess.”

Personally, I’m stoked that I didn’t come in from surfing all high on adrenaline and post it social media myself. And, even if I, theoretically, had, I’m sure I would have seen the shit storm brewing in enough time to wipe my electronic trail clean and dodge any accountability during the ensuing clusterfuck.

Because, empty threats of violence aside, I’ve gotta live here.