Positivity is the newest black!
One of the best thing about writing online is the audience interaction. Once upon a time, if someone wanted to tell you to go suck a big pile of dicks they had to take the effort to write it down, find an envelope, put a stamp on it, and mail it along.
So much work, it really limited discourse.
But now that anyone can chime in with little to no effort, man, what a time to be alive!
For instance, yesterday Kelly Bailey wrote to us:
She’s totally right (maybe it’s a he? I just assume all Kellys are female, even though that’s my youngest brother’s name)! Your beloved BeachGrit runs the risk of becoming the cool kids’ table; everything sucks, no one is awesome but us. Too hip, too blasé. And you just know one of us is going to mix a pile benzos and opiates and Ledger ourselves a few weeks after graduation.
I’ve said it before, and I’m saying it again, we’re too negative, so here’s some positive.
Your beloved BeachGrit runs the risk of becoming the cool kids’ table; everything sucks, no one is awesome but us. Too hip, too blasé. And you just know one of us is going to mix a pile benzos and opiates and Ledger ourselves a few weeks after graduation.
This one’s for you, Kelly!
Five Great Things about the WSL
The women know their place: It’s the 21st century, and we’re all the same. Men, women, inbetweens, it doesn’t matter. And, as a straight white male, I find that very threatening. It’s not that I expect to be treated better because of how I was born, it would just be nice to see others treated worse. It’s a cheat code for life, one that all my ancestors got, and it really sucks that I’m denied.
The male/female WSL heirarchy puts a smile on my face.
The girls are satisfied with playing second banana for less money, and bless their hearts for that! At least some of them know where they belong, two paces behind the men with their mouths firmly shut.
They’re not over exposing big-wave spots
They aren’t exposing them at all! No webcast, no TV, though you may soon be able to see them in some form on the Universal Sports Network!
There’s nothing more important than keeping the best big waves spots secret, and running a hidden big-wave tour fits that goal like a glove.
They’ve kept the broadcast team nice and white
Yeah, the Brazilian storm is still in effect, but who wants to see a brown face talk about surfing? Can you imagine the horror of staring at some bilingual darkie for hours at a time? No thanks, that’s not for this proud Aryan.
While our social structure crumbles around us in the name of diversity, it’s good to see that the WSL takes a hard and fast rule firmly to heart: If it ain’t white, it ain’t right!
As well as keeping everything “sportsmanlike,” it also served to the rid the tour of its only Mexican, marking the first time white people stole one of their jobs.
They keep it family friendly
Can you imagine how terrible it would be if surfers spoke from the heart? We’ve seen it happen once or twice, and a swear always makes it way in. Thank god the WSL knows that kind of passion is unwanted, and keeps everything nice and milquetoast.
As well as keeping everything “sportsmanlike,” it also served to the rid the tour of its only Mexican, marking the first time white people stole one of their jobs.
They busted the union
The ASP pre-WSL was a filthy commie pseudo union, where riders had a voice and an elected rep who lobbied for their best interests. Which was downright unAmerican. Which is a great word, because it’s got a capital letter in the middle of it. How many of those do you think there are?
Freeing the tour from the tyranny of the surfers’ collective voice, going back to the good ol’ every-man-for-himself mindset, it can only spell good things for the future of competitive surfing.
