With all the catty craziness happening on the
big wave scene it’s nice to know there are wonderful souls like Ian
Walsh, Makua Rothman, Ezekiel Lau and Danny Fuller. Handsome too.
Chris Binns, the world’s most underrated surf journalist, writes,
“With back-to-back category-five hurricanes producing 150kph winds
and one huge typhoon in the North Pacific, it seems that the boys
are assured of success, and spirits are suitably high as they touch
down in the Land Of The Rising Son.”
I think he meant sun because I don’t think Chris is a Christian
but he should be. In any case, I’d surf big waves in Japan. I am
going to surf big waves in Cardiff-by-the-Sea this winter. I have a
gun.
And where
in hell did Ian Walsh get that accent? It ain’t Hawaiian. It ain’t
Oklahoman. But it somehow sounds Oklahoman. Ian, where did that
thing come from?
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Mark Richards and Tony Hawk.
Capitalism: Walmart signs Tony Hawk!
By Chas Smith
Which surfers would do best in a big box discount
retailer?
Tony Hawk, the older skateboarder who became
famous by stealing skate moves from Australians, just inked a
historic deal with Arkansas superstore Walmart!
Walmarts are known, the world over, as places that offer
ridiculously cheap prices on consumer goods. They are also known,
the world over, as places that do not smell very good. They are
also known, the world over, as places not to work. Human Rights
Watch says:
“Walmart denies basic human rights to its employees.”
Tony Hawk says:
“In my many visits to Canada on skate tours, I am consistently
humbled by the response that Canadians have given to me, the Tony
Hawk brand and skateboarding in general. I will be fully committed
to the success of this launch through my social media, marketing,
and appearances. It’s going to be a great ride!”
?
But it makes me wonder, which surfer (outside Laird and Kelly)
would have the strongest big box superstore middle America appeal?
If, say, Taj Burrow launched a line of Taj by Taj boardshorts would
they do well? If Gabriel Medina released a series of Gab by Gab
rashguards would you see them dotting the Great Lakes next summer?
If Mick Fanning licensed an “I fought the shark and I won” t-shirt
would it sell?
Which surfer (outside Laird and Kelly) is crazy marketable?
Tony Hawk gets barreled.
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Finally: A waterman we can love!
By Chas Smith
Kai Lenny will change your calcified mind about
SUPs and things.
When I hear the word “waterman” I tended to
think “ick” and “SUP” and “windsurf” and “kitesurf” and “fish” and
“tie knots.” Those things don’t appeal to me and I can’t, for the
life of me, tie a knot.
Everything is different now though because Kai Lenny. He does
all those things and does them very well and, somehow, has zero
ick. If I saw him supping at my home break I would not snake him
but, instead, feel very honored. If I saw him kitesurfing I would
not secretly hope a giant gust would come out of nowhere and carry
him away.
What is it about Kai that makes him, and everything he does, so
palatable? Sports Illustrated went to find out! They say:
It’s like an angry monster, Kai Lenny says of Peahi,
arguably the most iconic big wave surf spot in the world. Located
off the North coast of Maui, the surf at Peahi resembles avalanches
of water. On a good swell, wave heights can reach to above 50 feet.
No wonder the spot is also known as Jaws.
But when Lenny describes the break, his tone leans more
toward respect than fear.
“It looks so makeable from the cliffs,” he
says. “But when you get out there it’s a different story. It so
fast and has so much power…. The first thing I did there was
windsurfing, then tow-in surfing, then Stand Up Paddling, then
traditional surfing.”
Lenny pauses. He reconsiders his answer: “Wait. Actually the
first time I ever surfed Jaws was on a hydrofoil board.”
He was 16.
The lapse in recollection makes sense. Lenny’s pursuits in
the world’s oceans, rivers—or in any body of water for that
matter—are so diverse that it must be difficult even for him to
keep all of them in order.
It’s almost enough to make you want to yank off your wetsuit,
hitch up your pants and never surf again.
But, wait.
Did you know you can protect yourself from attack by great
whites with happy thoughts on the beach and with visualisation in
the water? It’s outrageous but maybe there is a grain of truth in
it all.
The doll in this video is Anna Breytenbach, a “world-class
communicator with animals”. Cheetahs, mountain lions, great whites,
she do it all.
In the video, below, she advises surfers to spend a few minutes
pre-surf just standing on the beach, addressing the sharks
silently, “sending a nice greeting.” Don’t speak shark? It doesn’t
even matter.
“They’ll get it on the quantum level,” she says.
Once in the water visualise a bubble around you, above, below, a
protective radius. Fill it full of peaceful energy.
If it works, it’s a trick with flair!
The Skeptics Society ain’t convinced (click here), but it’s the easiest thing in the world
to sit around and bruise beautiful apples because you won’t open
your mind.
Anna Breytenbach is at the front-line of human-animal
electromagnetic communication.
Here’s a dolphin who didn’t watch the video. (Click!)
Watch and believe, if you dare.
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Win: 6 days in Tavarua with Slater and
Dorian!
By Derek Rielly
And all you gotta do is peel off a little
cash…
This philanthropic venture just strolled across my
desk and I just had to yield to it. The value of being
generous has just been restored!
The details are below, but briefly, donate some money and you be
flown to Fiji to share Instagram posts with Kelly
Slater and Shane Dorian (maybe you can help Kelly with his
prolific Twitter ripostes) as well as golfing, barreling
together at Cloudbreak, fishing and probs helicopter rides from the
mainland (though not mentioned). Both surfers will give you a
board, too, which may make your circuits override with electricity.
I know mine would.
Here’s the video explanation!
The contest press release is thus:
“Anyone can book a trip to a tropical beach for the holidays,
but only Omaze, the online cause marketplace, can send one lucky
winner and a guest on the trip of a lifetime to Tavarua Island. The
trip will be hosted by surfing legends Kelly Slater and Shane
Dorian all while supporting four incredible causes.
“One winner and a guest will stay on the private Tavarua Island,
surf with the two professionals and enjoy golf and fishing
excursions making this a life-changing vacation to the island
renowned for its waves and heart shape.
“To enter, fans of surfing and tropical getaways should visit
www.Omaze.com/Fiji to donate as little as $10 for their chance to
win the exclusive six-day trip complete with flights and hotel
accommodation. Whether the winner is a surfing pro or a complete
beginner, hosts Kelly and Shane will be on-hand to make this the
experience of a lifetime.
“Shane and I have been to Tavarua countless times, our favorite
place on earth. We’re super excited to share this amazing
experience with the winner and show them what our lives are all
about,” says Kelly Slater. “Basically it doesn’t get any better
than this for someone who just wants a cool vacation or a great
surf trip. Every time I go I think it could be the best trip of my
life.”
“We have spent a lot of time on Tavarua over the years and know
all the best spots. The fact that every entry benefits such amazing
causes really takes this thing to the next level,” Shane Dorian
adds.
“All proceeds will benefit four global causes that are closest
to Slater and Dorian’s hearts. Those causes include SurfAid, MORE
Than Sport Foundation, Skate to School Scholarship Fund and Smile
Train. Unlike an auction where the highest bidder wins, all
participants have the chance to win this incredible experience. To
enter, donate as little as $10 at www.Omaze.com/Fiji.
“The campaign launches today and runs until November 11th. The
winner and one lucky guest will take off on this incredible
experience on November 28th and will stay in Fiji until December
4th.”
