Wax up your gun!
With all the catty craziness happening on the big wave scene it’s nice to know there are wonderful souls like Ian Walsh, Makua Rothman, Ezekiel Lau and Danny Fuller. Handsome too. Chris Binns, the world’s most underrated surf journalist, writes, “With back-to-back category-five hurricanes producing 150kph winds and one huge typhoon in the North Pacific, it seems that the boys are assured of success, and spirits are suitably high as they touch down in the Land Of The Rising Son.”
I think he meant sun because I don’t think Chris is a Christian but he should be. In any case, I’d surf big waves in Japan. I am going to surf big waves in Cardiff-by-the-Sea this winter. I have a gun.
Which surfers would do best in a big box discount retailer?
Tony Hawk, the older skateboarder who became famous by stealing skate moves from Australians, just inked a historic deal with Arkansas superstore Walmart!
Walmarts are known, the world over, as places that offer ridiculously cheap prices on consumer goods. They are also known, the world over, as places that do not smell very good. They are also known, the world over, as places not to work. Human Rights Watch says:
“Walmart denies basic human rights to its employees.”
Tony Hawk says:
“In my many visits to Canada on skate tours, I am consistently humbled by the response that Canadians have given to me, the Tony Hawk brand and skateboarding in general. I will be fully committed to the success of this launch through my social media, marketing, and appearances. It’s going to be a great ride!”
But it makes me wonder, which surfer (outside Laird and Kelly) would have the strongest big box superstore middle America appeal? If, say, Taj Burrow launched a line of Taj by Taj boardshorts would they do well? If Gabriel Medina released a series of Gab by Gab rashguards would you see them dotting the Great Lakes next summer? If Mick Fanning licensed an “I fought the shark and I won” t-shirt would it sell?
Which surfer (outside Laird and Kelly) is crazy marketable?
Kai Lenny will change your calcified mind about SUPs and things.
When I hear the word “waterman” I tended to think “ick” and “SUP” and “windsurf” and “kitesurf” and “fish” and “tie knots.” Those things don’t appeal to me and I can’t, for the life of me, tie a knot.
Everything is different now though because Kai Lenny. He does all those things and does them very well and, somehow, has zero ick. If I saw him supping at my home break I would not snake him but, instead, feel very honored. If I saw him kitesurfing I would not secretly hope a giant gust would come out of nowhere and carry him away.
What is it about Kai that makes him, and everything he does, so palatable? Sports Illustrated went to find out! They say:
It’s like an angry monster, Kai Lenny says of Peahi, arguably the most iconic big wave surf spot in the world. Located off the North coast of Maui, the surf at Peahi resembles avalanches of water. On a good swell, wave heights can reach to above 50 feet. No wonder the spot is also known as Jaws.
But when Lenny describes the break, his tone leans more toward respect than fear.
“It looks so makeable from the cliffs,” he says. “But when you get out there it’s a different story. It so fast and has so much power…. The first thing I did there was windsurfing, then tow-in surfing, then Stand Up Paddling, then traditional surfing.”
Lenny pauses. He reconsiders his answer: “Wait. Actually the first time I ever surfed Jaws was on a hydrofoil board.”
He was 16.
The lapse in recollection makes sense. Lenny’s pursuits in the world’s oceans, rivers—or in any body of water for that matter—are so diverse that it must be difficult even for him to keep all of them in order.
Watch Kai here!
A trick with flair…
Are your nerves jangled by shark fever? Mine too!
It’s almost enough to make you want to yank off your wetsuit, hitch up your pants and never surf again.
Did you know you can protect yourself from attack by great whites with happy thoughts on the beach and with visualisation in the water? It’s outrageous but maybe there is a grain of truth in it all.
The doll in this video is Anna Breytenbach, a “world-class communicator with animals”. Cheetahs, mountain lions, great whites, she do it all.
In the video, below, she advises surfers to spend a few minutes pre-surf just standing on the beach, addressing the sharks silently, “sending a nice greeting.” Don’t speak shark? It doesn’t even matter.
“They’ll get it on the quantum level,” she says.
Once in the water visualise a bubble around you, above, below, a protective radius. Fill it full of peaceful energy.
If it works, it’s a trick with flair!
The Skeptics Society ain’t convinced (click here), but it’s the easiest thing in the world to sit around and bruise beautiful apples because you won’t open your mind.
Anna Breytenbach is at the front-line of human-animal electromagnetic communication.
Here’s a dolphin who didn’t watch the video. (Click!)
Watch and believe, if you dare.
And all you gotta do is peel off a little cash…
This philanthropic venture just strolled across my desk and I just had to yield to it. The value of being generous has just been restored!
The details are below, but briefly, donate some money and you be flown to Fiji to share Instagram posts with Kelly Slater and Shane Dorian (maybe you can help Kelly with his prolific Twitter ripostes) as well as golfing, barreling together at Cloudbreak, fishing and probs helicopter rides from the mainland (though not mentioned). Both surfers will give you a board, too, which may make your circuits override with electricity. I know mine would.
Here’s the video explanation!
The contest press release is thus:
“Anyone can book a trip to a tropical beach for the holidays, but only Omaze, the online cause marketplace, can send one lucky winner and a guest on the trip of a lifetime to Tavarua Island. The trip will be hosted by surfing legends Kelly Slater and Shane Dorian all while supporting four incredible causes.
“One winner and a guest will stay on the private Tavarua Island, surf with the two professionals and enjoy golf and fishing excursions making this a life-changing vacation to the island renowned for its waves and heart shape.
“To enter, fans of surfing and tropical getaways should visit www.Omaze.com/Fiji to donate as little as $10 for their chance to win the exclusive six-day trip complete with flights and hotel accommodation. Whether the winner is a surfing pro or a complete beginner, hosts Kelly and Shane will be on-hand to make this the experience of a lifetime.
“Shane and I have been to Tavarua countless times, our favorite place on earth. We’re super excited to share this amazing experience with the winner and show them what our lives are all about,” says Kelly Slater. “Basically it doesn’t get any better than this for someone who just wants a cool vacation or a great surf trip. Every time I go I think it could be the best trip of my life.”
“We have spent a lot of time on Tavarua over the years and know all the best spots. The fact that every entry benefits such amazing causes really takes this thing to the next level,” Shane Dorian adds.
“All proceeds will benefit four global causes that are closest to Slater and Dorian’s hearts. Those causes include SurfAid, MORE Than Sport Foundation, Skate to School Scholarship Fund and Smile Train. Unlike an auction where the highest bidder wins, all participants have the chance to win this incredible experience. To enter, donate as little as $10 at www.Omaze.com/Fiji.
“The campaign launches today and runs until November 11th. The winner and one lucky guest will take off on this incredible experience on November 28th and will stay in Fiji until December 4th.”
Donate! Maybe win!