The perfect no-claim claim, as illustrated by the surfer Kolohe Andino after a tube-fin-ditch combo that netted a 10. "It's a humblebrag, a delicious display of false modesty meant to illuminate accomplishment without resorting to any untoward gesticulation," explains Rory Parker. | Photo: WSL

Fashionable: The No-Claim Claim!

By Rory Parker

9 years ago

The no-claim claim is a humblebrag, a delicious display of faux modesty…

Let’s talk a bit about the no-claim claim. It’s a humblebrag, a delicious display of false modesty meant to illuminate accomplishment without resorting to any untoward gesticulation.

A downward gazing fist pump, soul arching kick out, meant to say, “I’m proud of myself, but I’m not gonna get all up in your face about it.”

It covers up failure well.

Maybe that barrel wasn’t so deep, that air so high, that turn so hard. All the no-claim’s saying is that you think you did good, not better than anyone else. Ostensibly, at least. We all know the truth. It’s like complimenting an old lady on her famous homemade pie crust.

“Oh no, this one didn’t have enough sugar, it was terrible.”

But the old biddy is smiling on the inside, ‘cuz she thinks the meringue you whipped up tastes like sour cardboard.

I don’t do humility so good, got an awful tendency toward self praise. I really don’t see much wrong with it, you’ve gotta have a lot of self confidence to get shit done.

Years ago I got a damn good barrel out at Turkeys, a guy on the beach even said so.

“Dude, sick tube you got out there.”

My reply?

“Yeah.”

On the drive home the wife pointed out that I kind of came across like a prick.

“You should just say, ‘Thank you,’” she said.

Hard to wrap my head around at first. I try hard, why shouldn’t I just bask in well deserved praise? Because people will like me more, that’s why.

It’s a pretty manipulative move. Almost insulting, denigrating an impressive accomplishment only serves to shit on those who aren’t on that level.

But we lie to ourselves and others every day. In word or deed, it’s these forced delusions that get you through life.

It works great with freediving.

“Yeah, I only hit 120′ before I turned around. Pretty weak.”

I’m not an idiot, I know 12 stories is plenty deep. But the subtext, so beautiful.

“I’m so gnarly that 120’ ain’t shit.”

But make no mistake, it’s all the same when things are said and done. Whether you’re waving your arms above your head like some meth-ed out monkey, or just setting your jaw and giving a bit of swagger, you’re broadcasting to the world that you think you’re better. Just in a more palatable fashion.

And I don’t think there’s anything wrong with it.

Of course, I wouldn’t. I’ve got a pretty high opinion of myself.

(Thanks to Karl Myers for the idea…)

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Oh Nazaré!

By Derek Rielly

9 years ago

Good old fashioned big-wave schmaltz!

Opening day at a big wave is always a thrill. The jetskis are wheeled out of garages in the very early morning, ropes are checked, tanks are fuelled, cameras of every flavour are readied, those little inflatable vests, each with fresh air cartridges, are strapped on to the surfer, surfboards are carefully waxed (one slip!) and

…just wow.

A few days ago, the wave Nazaré opened its gate. As the best surfers in the world drifted home after surfing four-foot beachbreaks in Peniche, the not-best-surfers in the world headed out to ride the world’s most photogenic, if dubious, big wave.

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As the UK’s Daily Telegraph reported, “It’s the world’s most powerful and monstrous wave – yet it didn’t put daredevil surfers off showcasing their skills.

“And as huge tide crashed into shore from a stormy sea, the wave-riding heroics saw it as an opportunity to show just what they’re capable of.

“Their spine-tiggling displays were guaranteed to leave stunned spectators with hairs standing up on the back of their necks.

“Photos captured the remarkable attempts to surf the monster waves whipped up by powerful storms in the North Atlantic at Praia do Norte in Portugal today.

“Amazing images show the tide as it comes roaring towards surfers who risk it all to ride them.

“The beach has become famous for huge waves since Hawaiian surfer Garrett McNamara received a world record for the largest wave surfed in 2011.”

I can hear you laugh! Me too!

But not so quick. It’s easy to rip into somewhere like Naz when you’re safe tapping the keys at home.

I asked Shane Dorian about the joint once and he recalled being tossed like a salad at the joint.

“The place is a logistical nightmare,” said Shane. “We lost a couple of skis. And, it’s really hard to do rescues there, really really hard. Each surfer needs his own water rescue guy on a ski. At all times. It’s really super dangerous. There’s a cliff there. All that shit. Once, I caught a wave and we lost one of the skis in the shore break. I finally got back out there an hour later. I got a couple more waves and then we had to ditch another ski on the sand. It is just chaotic. I had one of those feelings that I should be happy with the two waves I caught. It’s a full on beach break. It’s like these big wedges down the beach so every time you catch a wave there’s no way to paddle back out. You need a jet ski to come and get you right away and there’s a rip sucking you straight into a big cliff. It’s a lot like the north shore when the waves are big. The water’s really angry.”

Watch the opening day video here!

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Listen: Jack Johnson’s song for JJF film!

By Derek Rielly

9 years ago

Surfer troubadour writes quirky uke track for View from a Blue Moon…

I can guess how you feel about the faceless, characterless, middle-aged jams of Jack Johnson. Cutting-edge it ain’t.

You’d need to be thirty-plus to climb back into 2001 and remember how revolutionary his new folk sounded amid the schmaltz of Faith Hill, Matchbox 20 and Celine Dion and the flatulence of Creed and Everclear.

If the black man of 1988 had Straight Outta Compton, the surfer of 2001 had Rodeo Clowns, the song that first appeared on a G Love and Special Sauce LP and, later, on the album Brushfire Fairytales.

Johnson’s cred was further established with the brilliant surf films Thicker than Water in 2000 and The September Sessions the following year that he filmed, scored and starred in.

Today we learn, via Rolling Stone, that Johnson has written a song for the John John Florence and Blake Kueny film View From a Blue Moon.

Let’s examine the quotes.

“Florence is a big music fan; Led Zeppelin, the Talking Heads and Black Sabbath are a few of his favorites. When he was thinking of music for the film, he decided to call in a favor from an old family friend friend: Jack Johnson. ‘We both grew up in the same place,’ says Florence. ‘Our family is really close to his family. He’s kind of like an uncle to me and my brothers. He’s always given me really good tips on life and how to do things.’

“Florence initially asked Johnson if he could use one of his songs in the film, but Johnson topped the idea: ‘He was like, ‘Love the idea of making one for the movie.’ So I was blown away that he really wanted to do it,” says Florence. Johnson sent back Seasick Dream a ukulele-steeped ode to the surfing lifestyle. ‘The song plays with a bunch of clips of when I was really young surfing with my brothers, so it worked out insane,’ says Florence.

“I’ve known John John since he was a baby,” Johnson told Rolling Stone in a statement. “The amount of soul that he is able to put into such high performance surfing is mind blowing … I’m always trying to give him uncle advice about everything besides surfing but he seems to have it pretty figured out.”

Listen to the song here.

Watch Jack, John and Kelly rip Haleiwa together!

And, again, the trailer for View from a Blue Moon

“View From A Blue Moon” Trailer from John John Florence on Vimeo.

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Ian Walsh turns big. | Photo: WSL

Victory: Ian Walsh wins Sunset!

By Chas Smith

9 years ago

After winning it 10 years ago! Mr. Sunset Jr.!

The North Shore season is officially underway and is it not the most wonderful time of the surfing year? Such drama! Such beauty! Even for the most die-hard “I-hate-surf-competition” minded, the contests that take place on the North Shore from November through January feel necessary and the arenas feel built for the spectacle.

The first event, the Hawaiian Island Creation Sunset Pro, has just wrapped and won by Maui stand out Ian Walsh. He also won it ten years ago and told Maui Now News, “For this win, it’s hard to explain. It feels so good. You have a goal you’re working for, and to finally be there and stand on the podium and hold a check above your head, it’s hard to put into words. Originally when I won this event 10 years ago, I wanted that feeling back again. You get a little taste and then every event you want to do it again. With surfing there’s so many ups and downs with what the waves do, and the psychology, and how the whole heat plays out.”

His victory slots him in to the the Vans Triple Crown and Haleiwa in ten short days.

Australian Jack Robinson was also in the final. That boy has a very bright future. Will he knock John John off his perch too soon?

Watch the final day highlights here!

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Aitor ‘Gallo’ Francesena, here, is blind. Absurd, no?

Spark: Blind surfer rips Wave Pool!

By Derek Rielly

9 years ago

How the hell?

You can’t put fight in a man’s guts if there’s no fight in him. You got it or you don’t.

In this two-minute short we see the Basque surfer Aitor “Gallo” Francesena, whose eyeballs got wiped three years ago from one of those genetic disease you hear about and pray to god never happens to you, surfing the Wavegarden in Spain.

Gallo starts slow, someone has to paddle him into a wave, but soon, human intervention is gone and he’s working the waves like a billy goat, surfing with passion and a timing that suggests it was imprinted on his brain; a habit that never deserts a man.

If you’re a sentimental kinda guy or gal, you’ll lose control of the tear ducts.

“If you could open up my head thousands of love hearts would fly away,” says Gallo.

2015 Video Test Series Nº 3: Blind Surfer Rides Wavegarden from wavegarden on Vimeo.

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Eat beach grit spam!