Mass global conflict is around the corner! What this means for you...
Of course you don’t come to BeachGrit for your world news but why not? I feel the collective IQ of our commentary team is higher than the average public radio listener’s (here’s looking at you Negatron, longtom, Audit in Progress, Trogan, Badger, mullet, Mariano, Landa Super Jr. etc.) and as such, could provide helpful advice for the surfer staring down the barrel of World War III.
In case you haven’t been keeping up, here is the short of it. The United States invaded Iraq a decade-ish ago, deposing Saddam Hussein under the guise of deposing Osama Bin Laden. It worked, on both fronts, if we feel like being solely results-oriented, but left the Middle East with power vacuums in the strongman arena (bye-bye Saddam, Hosni Mubarak, Mums Gaddafi, etc.) and in the terrorist one as well (so long, Al-Qaeda and welcome, ISIS).
Now, ISIS is behaving extra-badly, carving out large swathes of the Middle East and calling it a caliphate but also attacking continental Europe and threatening both the U.S. and Australia. There is only one strongman left, Syria’s Bashar Assad, and Russia has decided to go all in on him but the rest of Europe and NATO ally Turkey don’t like but also don’t like ISIS so are hamstrung. Russia is bombing ISIS but also bombing Assad’s enemies in Syria. The U.S. and Europe are sad but stuck. And Turkey just shot a Russian fighter jet out of the sky.
Hello, World War III!
Now. What is the generally shortsighted surfer to do? He doesn’t typically care about the Middle East because he thinks there is not very good surf, thus no reason to go or miss it when it explodes. He is wrong. I have surfed fun waves in Lebanon, Syria, Yemen, Oman and seen fun waves in Israel. He also doesn’t think geopolitic matters and he is also wrong because to the victor go the spoils, which is to say, a working knowledge of the globe’s situation will allow him to surf better waves alone, especially when things start really going to hell.
In any case, for both his future surf vacations and if caught in an unfortunate holiday meal debate, what should the surf position be on WWIII? Should the confused surfer back Putin and Assad? Europe/Turkey and a nonexistent Syrian democratic resistance? ISIS? Is there another party he should throw his support to? Also, what board will be most effective?
Let’s discuss!
Im fucking dying on this one! hahahaha
ours truly getting ready to surf all alone in Yemen. For sure no one is out today. What are you waiting for?
the wind to fucking drop.
Turkey has been playing two hands – one with NATO and one supporting ISIS against the Kurds. both of Ankara’s hands have been called.
show us what you got.
oh fuck.
At some point in the near future these regional disputes will fade as climate change renders large swaths of the Middle East unlivable. A refugee crisis without end. Chas, have you read Camp of the Saints by Jean Raspail?
Chas is at his best when he spins Middle East . Dame mas.
wasn’t acid rain suppose to destroy the cities /world?
The Bohemian Grove is a quick drive from the Russian Rivermouth. Coincidence??
ISIS only formed after the unemployed Iraq army said they would police the country if America paid their back pay and America thinking they could do a better job told them to fuck off so thats what they did… straight into the arms of the factions. China have been investing money if Africa for a while and own lots of mining etc there and also took over the world by bailing out western countries after the GFC and buying or backing utilities companies so they can sit back and watch and join in whenever they feel fit. Russia and America have fallen out over the crimea because there is a shit ton of oil there and America had their eyes on it so Putin rolled in. Russia has supplied Arms to the middle east for decades and makes a fair bit of cash out of it and in recent years Syria have been the biggest buyer so Putin and Assad are good buddies so Russia politely offers to help fight ISIS while actually bombing rebel groups who are fighting against Assad. Europe gets all its gas from Russia so they have to turn a blind eye until yesterday when the Turks shot down the Jet.
What effect will war have on surfing? Everyone has seen Apocalypse Now and the surfing scene so I guess it shows you can squeeze a surf in no matter what. It also might mean that when China takes over the world we will all be surfing 7ft NSP pop outs.
tl;dr
I would back Russia, Putin is slightly unhinged, and a little terrifying. Also word on the street is Putin’s bottom turn is perfect
I guarantee he’d be the first one to tell you so, too.
you didnt see his 2 page add in Russian Surfing magazine? his air game is fire too…
I thought Negatron, longtom, Audit in Progress, Trogan, Badger, mullet, Mariano Landa and Super Jr. are your average public radio listener.
well remember, collectively our IQ just matches one public radio listener so Chas got us a good one there.
Pubic radio, is that This American Life?
I’m listening to Stephen Malkmus Pig Lib, is that Public radio?
China has it’s eyes on SE Asia, not the ME. They’ll be happy for Russian proxies to act on it’s behalf there.
No, Pig Lib is not public radio. While a solid record, it is the beginning of the end for Malkmus, that’s what it is. The more solo albums he makes the more I think Pavement was great in spite of Malkmus, not because of him.
fucking hell, you think there’s a tighter band around than the Jicks? What? it hurts to have songs?
Your attitude sounds faux elitist he was better in the old days.
You should wash your mouth out, your language stinks.
A great many things were in fact better in the old days. Especially bands fronted by Stephen Malkmus.
You guys need to take your little argument over to the Morning Becomes Eclectic forum.
is it an argument when you’re merely dispensing proven scientific laws? plus, as a proud non-southern california resident, i’m required by custom to ignore the existence of MBE.
silvers jews should start making records again
truer words have never been spoken.
Disagree. Russia doesn’t need anything more than a good show for Putin. They aren’t China’s answer in the long term.
Public Radio? Nah, I’m still listening to formerly-incarcerated Louisiana rappers who fuck their cousins. And Midnight Oil.
I reckon back Indonesia. Particularly western Sumatra.
If everyone would just join the International Surfing Association, all this conflict would go away.
Oh Mariano…I forgot to include you! I fix now because you are very right.
What is the appropriate means of listing such a grand achievement on my CV?
Shame, Chas. The eventual “winner” in this mess, if you want to call it that, will be (and must be) China. The US is largely oil independent these days, and needs not bother with the Middle East anymore. While the US can’t just up and out, its slow pull out is already under way. Putin? doesn’t care about the region, but needs a quick win to show he’s not a loser (with his crumbling economy and the fiasco in Ukraine, this is make or break). Turkey? Yeah, they’ve got a mess, but perhaps not the ability. China needs the area’s oil and can’t allow disruption. Ultimately, they will step in and take over where the US is leaving off. And good for them.
What does it mean for surfing? Probably fuck all in the short term, but in the long run if China steps in, perhaps trips to Morocco etc. will be a bit less sketchy for Americans. I pity those Chinese surfer though – beheadings are just around the corner.
Ha! The poor, beleaguered Chinese surfer…but look at Derek’s piece on North Korea today! They have a private surf nirvana. I agree that China is in a position to step in but I don’t think they will. Their own sinking economy will take up their energies…..
It seems to me that China’s “Get That Money At Any Cost” hyper-capitalistic/amoralistic approach to geopolitics could complicate things for the rest of the world. Should ISIS gain control of some hypothetical oil-producing region, I doubt that China would have much problem paying them for it as if they were any other vendor.
But then again, the US has been doing basically the same thing for the past 70 years.
True. But the US no longer needs the oil, or the headache. The only question for America is whether the weapon sales to the Saudi’s etc. are worth the cost.
World War – Tres is like an epic El Nino!!! Clearing conflicted lineups across the globe! The time is now for all of us to remember Robert Duvall’s Apocalyptic cry, “Charlie don’t surf!”
Just replace “Charlie” with whatever regional kooks your surfing and running from… and start updating your quiver with Lost’s new Mayhem-Refugee Model – Designed to help you blend in with the fleeing masses; or Trump’s China made SUP – Shaped with child labor yet guaranteed to paddle you to safety!
I heard the Lebanese women are most fine, true or false?
How many Kelly Slaters in the current wave of Syrian refugees? Why can’t Snowdonia or some other Wavegarden place resettle them all and get them to work like they got the Welsh miners to?
They already have one wavepool in the ME which has been a stunning success, just build shiteloads of the things, maybe even in ISIS territory and let them localise it even harder than the Wolfpak. Let them do their beheadings there and surf in an ocean of blood. A pool of blood? Then when the Olympics comes they can sort it all out, sublimating ultra-violence into surf. Isn’t that what surf is for?
I can’t see why surf can’t solve this problem of peace.
The real question, who is the next Gavrilo Princip?
Ha! I wrote this whole piece with Gavvy in mind! If he surfed the tour would he be any good? He looks like he might be a young shred.
I recall he was unfit to fight due to health issues, so probably more likely to be a San O guy.
Well he was the single luckiest and most influential man in history, there was no skill involved. Who would that make him?
Featured comment worthy, eh mods?
Toledo looks a bit like him!