Don't like paying for eye candy? Watch that instant
surf-classic from early 2015 here… for free!
Earlier this year, the filmmaker Toby Cregan
released his sci-fi surf film Nix Nic Nooley. The
40-minute film conjures up a fantasy world in the year 2879. There
is transmutation, flight, prophecy and wizardry.
“Due to pollution the ocean has dried up, the only way to surf
is by time travel using a cybotactical head unit. Zilou and
Bibilou are two of the only humans interested in surfing, this is
their story back in time.”
Apart from illuminating the many genuine gifts of Creed
McTaggart, who filmed for NNN in between trips for Cluster
and Strange Rumblings, we see the very underrated surfing
of Duncan McNicol and a roll call of cameos that include Noa Deane,
Dion Agius, Beau Foster, Nate Tyler, Wade Goodall and Jay
Davies.
A few minutes ago, I asked Toby, who is 24 years old and
who is also principal in the band Skegss,why the movie was
suddenly for free. He said he’d sold out his entire print run of
DVDs (500, of which 50 were gifted to friends) so, “why the
fuck not?”
“Literally, the next day, we had Beau Foster in a dress because
we knew if we didn’t shoot straight away it wasn’t going happen. It
was just going to be one of those things we talk about, like, ‘We
should do that movie where we dress Beau Foster up in a
dress.'”
The idea for the movie came when Creed, Toby and Duncan were
driving from Byron Bay to nearby Cabarita for a surf. Duncan had
just watched the Oscars and he announced that he would make a
“fucking sick actor.”
They started shooting the next day.
“Literally, the next day, we had Beau Foster in a dress because
we knew if we didn’t shoot straight away it wasn’t going to happen.
It was just going to be one of those things we talk about, like,
‘We should do that movie where we dress Beau Foster up in a
dress.'”
Why the dress?
“Because everyone on the internet, and in real life for that
matter, says he looks like a chick. And because he does. He’s a hot
dude.”
The name Nix Nic Nooley comes from the opening scene
where Duncan and Creed speak a invented language called Zeekna.
Listen carefully and you’ll hear.
It began with: “Immensely talented pro surfer from Santa
Barbara, California; world-ranked #5 in 2006; the first
Mexican-American to qualify for the pro tour; known as much for his
colorful anti-surf industry rants as for his powerful, stylish
turns.”
And, included, “Martinez seemed to take pro surfing’s
often-shallow inner workings as a personal affront, to a degree
that soon began to affect his competitive drive. He held onto a top
10 position, but 2009, the career complaints that he’d so far kept
mostly among friends—about judging, contest formatting,
venues—began showing up in public forums.”
Were you sad when Bobby jumped off the tour in 2011 just after
being DQ’d from the Quiksilver Pro in New York? Oh, I was.
Warshaw’s post about Bobby re-fired my thoughts about Bob, still
just 33 years old, four years younger than Taj and a decade behind
Kelly. And yet retired for four years already. Ain’t that
crazy?
Being a professional contest surfer, in that regard, makes so
much more sense to me than just being a photo pro, or whatever
they’re called these days. Maybe if you’re 21or 22. But as an
adult? I don’t know. Craig Andersen, and Dane, and that whole aging
Modern Collective crew — there’s gotta be some heavy-duty
existential dread floating some of those guys’ heads.
Anyway, I wanted to ask Warshaw, what did Bobby Martinez leave
behind? Anything? This interview took place between Sydney,
Australia, and Seattle, Washington.
BeachGrit: I read with immense interest your post about
Bobby Martinez. Seven NSAA titles, wins two events in his rookie
year and finishes fifth. Quits tour at 28 because “every surfer was
complaining and no one was happy… endless amount of
shit… it fucken got to me.” As a historian, tell me how Bobby
is remembered… or is he
remembered…
Warshaw: When did Bobby pack it in, four years ago?
BeachGrit: 2011, yeah…
Warshaw: Sadly, to me anyway, I think he’s more remembered these
days for being . . . take your pick, a giant crybaby, or the New
Millennium Dora.
BeachGrit: Sadly? Why?
Warshaw: Sadly, because when I was making those two little vid
clips for his page, I remembered what an amazingly good surfer he
was. Or is, I mean! Better now then he ever was on tour! Smaller
boards, a bit more flesh on his bones, and look at him go!
BeachGrit: You’ve written that you never really
liked Bobby’s “surf-rebel rants.” I was thrilled every time he took
the microphone. Why didn’t they excite you?
Warshaw: No, they did. They excited me in that he wasn’t boring.
Chas just wrote a little love note about Joe Turpel’s handling of Mick’s shark
episode, but for my money the standout world tour
announcer response of all time was Todd Kline’s post-heat webcast
interview with Bobby in NYC. The shock and joy dancing across
Kline’s face! Surfing, for a few great moments, was vicious and
funny and slightly out of control, and I still get a buzz watching
it on YouTube.
BeachGrit: Oh, you do jumble things. You like ‘em or
not?
Warshaw: What I liked about the New York blowup was just how
slashing and sudden it was. But really . . . what’s behind it?
What was Bobby so angry about? Not just in New York, but those two
or three years before, and even after he quit. Why so
mad? You’re a Top 10 professional surfer, making, I don’t
know, a half-million a year? Living a block off the beach in Santa
Barbara?
BeachGrit: Did I tell you of the time I wrote a
cartoon (with the artist Ben Brown) about Bobby and, as
a fan, I made what I thought was a lovely pictorial of his life,
but he was… furious. And, I believe, ready to use fists. This
wasn’t an initial worry ‘cause he little, five five max in his
little Ed Hardy slip-ons, but then I later saw what a boxer he is.
Ooowee, I sure was lucky he didn’t make me pay. Do you love this
sort of passion?
Warshaw: No. I mean, yeah I love passion, but what you’re saying
here, it just sounds to me like Bobby doesn’t have a sense of
humor.
BeachGrit: Of a scale of one to ten, how dumb was
Bobby’s decision to quit the tour?
Warshaw: For a lot of people, Bobby obviously included, being on
tour is an awful way to live. If you love being home, if being
around friends and family is important—all true for Bobby—then
flogging around the world nine months out of the year or whatever,
while at the same time turning your favorite thing into a cutthroat
job, it’s like you’re fucking your life up four or five different
ways. So good for him for stepping off. Same with Dane. Mick and
Kelly and those guys can do it. Others can’t. So yeah, Bobby’s
decision to leave was completely sound. But trying to play it off
like it the ASP tripped him up somehow? That’s where my eyes start
rolling.
BeachGrit: When I flew over to Santa Babs to write a
story about Bob not long after he quit, it seemed like he’d hit
hard times. He was thinking of getting into a little concreting
like his Dad.
Warshaw: I read that story just last weekend. The part that
really got to me, it was so honest and kind of raw, was when Bobby
told you that surfing for him had become aimless. He needed to have
a goal, he needed to have something to chase. It got to me for two
reasons. Bobby obviously hadn’t yet got to a point with his surfing
to where he couldn’t just do it for the sake of doing it, which is
sad. But even sadder is, you DO need to have something to work on,
a goal to aim at. Bobby, you, me, everybody. Being a professional
contest surfer, in that regard, makes so much more sense to me than
just being a photo pro, or whatever they’re called these days.
Maybe if you’re 21or 22. But as an adult? I don’t know. Craig
Andersen, and Dane, and that whole aging Modern Collective crew —
there’s gotta be some heavy-duty existential dread floating some of
those guys’ heads.
BeachGrit: When do you think a surfer should
retire? Bobby told me, “I looked at guys who were there longer than
me and go, how the fuck are they doing this? How are they still
there?” Is it an age thing or when your rating hits a downward
trajectory or do you wait until you fail to
qualify?
Warshaw: None of those guys on tour today, and nobody going back
to, I don’t know, Tom Carroll pounding out fender dents in a
garage—none of them have any idea what it’s like to not be a surf
star or a star in the making. Making a big change in your life is
so hard. And so scary. A career change is terrifying. On the other
hand, not making that kind of change is slow death. And that’s
where Bobby was at there at the end, in New York. Maybe it wasn’t
conscious thought, but he was smart enough or brave enough or both
to cross the bridge. And blow it up behind him.
BeachGrit: When was the last time you saw Bob surf and
tell me your impressions.
Warshaw: Mini Blanchard did a clip on Bobby for Channel Islands,
it came out maybe six months ago. Shot mostly in Ventura, last
winter. Bobby’s riding these little quads, like 5’6”, and all the
joy is back, all the power, all the flow. His last couple years on
tour, and for a long time after, he was so obviously just surfing
by the numbers. But that the Channel Islands vid — Bobby is a man
reborn.
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Fine wine: The voice of Joe Turpel!
By Chas Smith
Did he, a few short months ago, deliver the
greatest call in sporting history?
Sporting history is littered with amazing calls
by equally amazing broadcasters. Vin Scully describing the last
batter of Sandy Koufax’s perfect game, “He is one out away from the
promised land, and Harvey Kuenn is comin’ up. … So Harvey Kuenn is
batting for Bob Hendley. The time on the scoreboard is 9:44. The
date, September the ninth, 1965, and Koufax working on veteran
Harvey Kuenn. Sandy into his windup and the pitch … a fastball for
a strike. He has struck out, by the way, five consecutive batters,
and that’s gone unnoticed…”
Bill King describing an Oakland Raider fumble, “The ball flipped
forward is loose! A wild scramble, two seconds on the clock. …
Casper grabbing the ball … it is ruled a fumble … Casper has
recovered in the end zone! The Oakland Raiders have scored on the
most zany, unbelievable, absolutely impossible dream of a play!
Madden is on the field. He wants to know if it’s real. They said
yes, get your big butt out of here! He does! There’s nothing real
in the world anymore!”
Vin Scully, again, describing “The Catch,” “Montana … looking …
looking … throwing in the end zone … Clark caught it! Dwight Clark!
(Crowd noise for 29 full seconds)It’s a madhouse at
Candlestick”
Chick Hearn drawling, “This one’s in the refrigerator, the
door’s closed, the light’s are out, the butter’s getting hard and
the jello is jiggling…” near the end of every Los Angeles Laker
win.
I could go on all day! But do you want to know a call that gets
finer and finer every time I hear it, and I’ve heard it many many
times recently? Joe Turpel describing the Mick Fanning shark
incident of ’15! The cool calm in his voice, his refusal to get
rattled, and that initial priceless description, “As we look
at Fanning on the rankings. Oooh we can see a little splash…”
I’ve written about his work that day once before, right after
the incident, likening his use of “Mick gets back on the ski to
reset” to Edward R. Murrow’s “Good night, and good luck.” But these
things take time to enter the historical pantheon and, months
later, I think it is very clear that Joe Turpel delivered the
greatest call in sporting history. And it is the front half, the
initial sentence, that soars. The “oooh” so delicate, air sucking
slightly in, placing the word “little” before “splash.” I mean,
seriously, does a call get any better than that? Does it? I have to
say no. I have to say Joe’s calm juxtaposed against the very clear
enormity of what was happening on screen makes it the greatest of
all time.
Turn your speakers loud. I dare you to disagree
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Mick: “About listening to my stomach.”
By Chas Smith
The most popular surfer in the world takes a stand
against sex trafficking!
Here’s a serious question…has Michael Eugene
Fanning usurped Kelly Slater’s “most-popular-surfer-in-the-world”
throne this year? First there was the shark play, then helping a
young child overcome cancer and now? He is lending his voice to
stop sex trafficking.
Mick is an ambassador for Project Sparta, a gym that pledges
100% of fees toward bashing the sex slave industry. “It’s a scary
trade…” he says “…No one really talks about it and we’re losing
girls, and young boys, into a world we never know about.”
The fact that he has become the go to for wonderful charities
bodes well for the White Lightening brand. He moves the people! He
thrills! And, of course, there will always be that shark incident.
The news report, detailing his miraculous escape from the jaws of
curiosity, began with it which prompted Mick to say that he listens
to his stomach these days and gets out of the water when feeling
uneasy. He also said he likes to surf with lots and lots and lots
and lots of people.
“I’m not worried about the crowds, I tell ya. The more the
merrier!”
Embracing all-comers will only continue to enhance Mick’s status
and so again I ask, is Mick Fanning more popular, worldwide/across
all-platforms, than Kelly Slater?
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“Is John John Florence gay?”
By Derek Rielly
And other funny keyword searches that land you
right here…
One of the fascinating parts of operating a
website is watching the behaviour of your readers. Who are
you? Where are you from? What are your personal kinks?
In the print game, no one knows, knew.
The closest I ever came to identifying who read the jams of
whatever mag I was editing was via those surveys we stuck in the
mags and from focus groups that’d cost 20 gees and yield
nothing.
Readers in focus groups do this very human thing where they say
what the think elevates ‘em in the eye of the other participants or
sub-consciously say what they think you want to hear. And, besides,
who knows what their true motivations and likes are?
The problem, as any student of human behaviour would explain, is
that surveys are filled out by people who like filling out surveys
or ‘cause they want to win whatever trinket you had as an
incentive.
Readers in focus groups do this very human thing where they say
what they think elevates ‘em in the eye of the other participants
or sub-consciously say what they think you want to hear. And,
besides, who knows what their true motivations and likes are?
Your electronic movements, however, are beautiful to watch.
For those unfamiliar with Google Analytics, it’s an application
that tracks website traffic. More than that, it allows publishers
to see how many readers are on the site, what country they’re from,
the electronic device they’re accessing your site from, what story
they’re reading, where they came from and where they go after
you.
And, tellingly, what keyword searches got ‘em there.
It’s become a game between Chas Smith and me to send each other
funny keyword searches as they come up, briefly, on the Google
Analytics dashboard.
Like this. Is true? asked Chas. We laugh because it
couldn’t be more absurd!
Who taps these words in? Man with Bear fetish?
Is that you Peter Taras?
Drowning fantasies?
Healthy young man with beach-y fantasies?
Lovely Latinas!
Angry South African man?
A Kolohe Andino fan! For life! (Maybe me!)
Reliable medical advice for advanced cancers?
Do the secret kinks of man make you laugh?
What keyword searches lurk in the recesses of your web
history?