And it only costs $40,000.00!
Your favorite elderly gentleman’s leisure lifestyle publication is, allegedly, going to have a radical make-over! That’s right, the surfermag.com come that you know and love is on its way to becoming……drumroll…..just surfer.com! And that bit of cosmetic surgery cost, maybe, a mere $40,000.00!
Where Surfer came up with $40,000.00 is one very good question but why they did not own surfer.com to begin with in the first place is maybe a better one. The magazine is our grand dame, in existence since 1960, long before the Internet was a twinkle in Al Gore’s eye. Did maybe Steve Hawk or Sam George, editors in the 1990s and early 2000s think that the World Wide Web was a silly fad or did they like the trendy sounding mag tail that was trendy in the mid-2000s but now clearly dated?
Who can ever say, but what is more, how will the new surfer.com look? Will it feature an online store selling comfort boardshorts and Old Guys Rule t-shirts? Will it host a forum where grumpy octogenarians can complain about never being respected/listened to/cared about? Oh wait! That’s already there! forum.surfermag.com!
Will the print magazine disappear entirely? And is the squatter who owned surfer.com going to use his $40,000.00 to build a real life Star Wars Speeder Bike and visit Comic-Con for the first time? So many questions! Hopefully answers coming soon and, as always, we’ll keep you up to date.
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Why is the author of the article bashing old people? What do you have against old people? This very much triggered me because I will eventually become one of those old people you don’t seem to like. Did your grandfather buttfuck you when you were a child? Or maybe he didn’t and you got mad? Can you write an article on that too? I’m rather curious.
That forum you mentioned on your article seems to be rad. I really like old people. Thank you for the reference.
Brazzo out.
Sweet jeebus. I just re-read my rants. I sound like Dana Carvey’s Grumpy Old Man. I’m not usually such a dick. I’m just mad I’m 83. Apologies to Chas. Go Kelly!
Ew, I don’t like this thread. Too many sensitive and angry old people.
Is that a picture of Steak?
Did Steak die?
http://gph.is/1ROxfhZ
chas, while you may enjoy some droppings from who you know, and who you
blow, you’ll never be as in the know as those you treat so low.
please
gently tongue my low hanging fruit.
love and gargles,
your friend,
brandon
Well? What is it that you know? Don’t tease.
we know how to be genuine. we also are fucking complete bat shit crazy lunatics with a penchant for completely ruining anything good, nice, or horrible. take your pick.
This is why we can’t have nice stuff…
Bat shit crazy like you stab people in the face with forks? or bat shit crazy like you post funny memes online? Because I need to know if I should lock my windows tonight?
Brandon will have you believe both. El Zorbo was made up, but the heroin addiction up there there was real.
OMG!!! I LOVE this site !!! Beachgrit is the TITS !!!
The funny part about this, Chas, is your absolute refusal to participate on the erBB, even while you spam the place. Your book has been talked about a lot and many people really liked it. Are you so afraid of the couple of people who are always assholes? Dude, it’s the internet. You better get used to dealing with assholes. 😉
I don’t know what an erBB is! Is it like airbnb? And I wish I knew that people were talking about me on there because I would have gladly shown up! But it is very dense, no? Like, lots of threads and things and hard to find stuff, no? I remember going on, once, many years ago, and being confused by the threads. Not your fault, of course. I take all the blame. Even though I co-founded a very now surf website I am a complete and utter luddite.
I love beachgrit, definitely the best surfer gossip on the planet !!! Chas Smith is a hottie !!!
OMG, liek totes! It’s like tiger beat but with all the gossip about all the hawt surf guys!!! LOL
Can you help me change my depends Chas?
Tell me when and where and, absolutely, I will do what I can.
JEEZ CHARLES!!!! ALL YOU HAD TO DO WAS ASK ME!!!!! I’M 83 YEARS OLD!!!! AND I FLIPPED THE SWITCH ON SURFERMAG.COM BACK IN 1996!!!! I WENT ROUND AND ROUND WITH HAWK AND PALLADINI ON THE NAME OF THE SITE!!! THE REASON WE COULDN’T GET SURFER.COM WAS BECAUSE IT WAS ALREADY TAKEN! WE TRIED TO GET SURFERMAGAZINE.COM BUT THAT WAS ALREADY TAKEN TOO!! ACTUALLY, BY SOME CREEPY OC LAWYER WHO HAD THE URL FOR HIS OWN PERSONAL SITE! CAN YOU FREAKING IMAGINE?? PERHAPS HE WAS YOUR GREAT-GREAT-GRANDFATHER!! I HOPE IT’S OK THAT I’M SPEAKING IN ALL CAPS AND EXCLAMATION POINTS, ‘CUZ THAT SEEMS TO BE THE ATTENTION-GETTING AP JOURNO STYLE FOR FOR THE SHORT-SHORT WEARING SURFER OF TODAY AND FOR YOUR MODERN INTERWEBSITE OF THE FUTURE (THOUGH I’M SURE YOU’LL BE AROUND IN 60 YEARS TOO!!!) SO ANYWAY – THAT’S WHY IT WASN’T SURFER DOT COM!!! AS FOR THE FORUM. YOU’RE RIGHT!! IT IS A BUNCH OF DODDERING 83 YEAR OLDS. BUT DAMN!!! THE LIKE, SO SUCKY THING ABOUT 83 YEAR OLDS, IS THAT ERBB OLD-TIMERS LIKE DALE (14,641 DAYS) WEBSTER, PETER POPE KAHAPEA, BONZER5FIN AND THE CREW OF CURMUDGEONS ACTUALLY HAVE LIVED ENOUGH TO OCCASIONALLY HAVE SOMETHING WORTHWHILE TO SAY!!! WELL MAYBE NOT!! REGARDLESS THEY SEEM TO HAVE FINALLY CHASED YOUR SPAMMING, EXCLAMATION-POINT-HAPPY-RUSSIAN-INTERN OUT OF THE ROOM!! (THOUGH WE NEVER FOUND OUT IF SHE WAS HOT!!) AND FOR THAT, WE ALL CAN BE THANKFUL!!! LOVE, KISSES, GERITOL AND DEPENDS!!
You left out Roy Stewart from the hall of fame roll call…
New Zealand’s finest
Holocaust denier.
Is he really, not too many of those geniuses around these days
Dearest Chris! Thanks for the information! But I don’t know why the caps. There is a theory with exclamations around here and it is, “Use them early, use them often.” But capital letters are only used in the appropriate context. I mean appropriate context! And tell me more about our Russian intern! What was she doing?
Ok, I’m editing this post – heavily. It was mean-spirited and I sound like a dick. I try to not roll like that. Apologies to Chas and Derek.
To answer the questions posed by the esteemed Mr. Smith in a more civilized manner:
1. – Chas, if neither you, nor Derek is Gaza_Blues – or know anything about Gaza_Blues, I’d surely be curious as to your hypothesis on who he, she or it, is. http://tinyurl.com/zz5uxr3
Plenty of erBB flames and requests for bannage thrown in Gaza’s direction.
2. – Allcaps and exclamation points. Not sure why I got so worked up. If y’all wanna shout, let it all out.
3. As for the pre-1996 not snatching up of the name, SURFER.com – as the esteemed WHOIS Oracle tell us, SURFER DOT COM was snatched up in 1994. At that point, most folks in the Surfer office had no idea what the Internet even was, and had little or no use for it. I was lucky to be the first person in the office with a 19.2kbps modem. You can see the early iterations, coded mostly in raw HTML and taught to me by a genius surfer coder named Ian Wynne on the wayback machine.
4. My points about the erBB stand, generally. The erBB is indeed SURFER’s crazy drunk uncle. They normally try to ignore him and keep in the attic, but he invariably staggers downstairs during the middle of a party, spews all over everyone, gropes the women, double dips the hors d’oeuvres and they sometimes don’t know what to do when that happens.
There are a lot of interesting and disturbed people who pop in. Some stay, some are banned, some drift away. Chas and Derek would surely add to the mix. There is enough shit talking to make Mr. Rottmouth quite happy as well.
And sometimes the 83-year olds people there do cool shit. Despite being often mean and grumpy. Like starting up a funding page so Dale Webster can travel to the Surfer Poll Awards – when he hadn’t previously left California since, oh, before most of you were born.
http://forum.surfermag.com/…
Is there a moral to this fable Chris?
There are many who pretend to despise and belittle that which is beyond their reach.
I may only have little arms, but I have heart Chris!
Really enjoyed your interview with Billy F.
whew, that was long and self important. And Dale may be nice, but he sucks at surfing.
Also, one other question. Surfer Magazine has been around since the beginning of time. Why didn’t someone, pre-1996, go scoop up the URL?
slow clap.
fuck — sitting down to the newest issue with a guinness, smartly dressed in wool hat and a nice plaid shirt? does life get better?
buy an original Boba Fett action doll with the $40,000!!!!
what an investment. what a doll!
oh fuck. where’d you get a picture of me? stalkers!
Will it still have a place where Chas or some starving intern can spam beachgrit links with all of the enthusiasm of a 3rd rate russian spam bot?
Happy 83rd birthday!
It’s funny because it’s true. That place is lame. It deserves spam.
Sounds like some kook didn’t get accepted
What does it take to be accepted on a bb?
You must assimilate or GTFO. Oh, and show us your tits.