Is Florida the greatest human experiment?
Florida is a very strange place. Some of the souls I love most on this earth hail from its curvy shores. But also Marco Rubio. I had never been until four years ago and hated it from afar but then thought it was time to test my regional bigotry so went and drove almost every inch of its coastline in a white Fiat 500.
I wrote a story called THE STATE I HATE for Surfing Magazine and you can read it or just the last paragraph here:
Florida is home to the best of the best. Home to people who, when the lunatics grow exhausting, are there to take you into their homes and families and hearts. The worst and the best. No lukewarm in Florida. No Ohio blandness. And, in really experiencing this lack of blandness, the stone of my prejudice became dust and blew away. Florida is no longer “The State I Hate.” It is now and forever, affectionately, “Fucked Up.”
Guess what happened in Palm Beach, near Miami, yesterday? A man sporting a thick top bun and what appear to be Rip Curl trunks pulled a shark from the Atlantic so that people could take his picture with the animal. He kneeled behind it, one hand on tail fin the other hand on head, in a very sexually provocative pose. Like he maybe just had his way with it. Onlookers squealed with delight.
Witnesses later said the shark washed back up onto the sand and died making animal rights activists very angry/sad. One wrote that this man should be waterboarded for his crime. Would you like to take a portrait with a shark? Do you think if Mick Fanning could turn back the clock he would take a portrait with that South African shark? Would you like to maybe have some sexy time with one too? Are you more angry that this man killed a shark or that he sports a thick top bun? Do you love Florida like I now do?
I live in the panhandle of Florida and I wouldn’t live anywhere else. Yes, we have lots of rednecks that chew the dip, kill things, and drink cheap beer. We also have left wing liberals who cry over spilled milk, yet exalt the murdering of unborn babies. It’s definitely a mixed bag, a melting pot. The surf definitely sucks here so don’t show up to surf amazons. We detest people with salt life stickers, drive that sissy car prius, and advocate for animal rights. We spearfish, fish,surf, hunt, and eat red meat. Have 9 months of warm water and a lot of random college chicks off their chain…it’s a not a utopia here, it sucks, so don’t visit…ever. The moral of my story is we kill things, lots of different things, and eat their livers!
i wonder if he got to hook up due to his manly talents.
There is a better way:
http://www.iol.co.za/news/s…
When I arrived in civil war stricken El Salvador for a surf trip, the Salvadorean border agent snickered at the fact that I was from Florida. He said “Ahhhh Flo ree dah” with a suspicious look and called over his superiors. I whipped out a Hamilton and they let me pass.
It’s one thing being that fucked up… but when you do it with a Southern drawl, it’s just too much to handle.
Florida is full of simpletons…dont let Kellys beautiful steel blue eyes persuade you that he is educated
Who did Kelly persuade that he’s educated?
The same idiots who watch fox news
We’ve got great people here and we have full blown fuckheads, just like anywhere Lemmy.
There are also a video with the stupidity of the case…
https://www.youtube.com/wat…
And what about this Chas… in Argentina, but it could also be in Brazil or anywhere else in the world.
It could also be in Brazil or anywhere else in the world.
A baby dolphin taken from the sea so bathers do selfies with him, and later died of dehydration and the body was then left on the beach.
Selfie is a disease of society …
.
http://extra.globo.com/noti…
That was a tard shark who was already confused about the direction to the sea. Natural selection.
Haha Jesus.