Is Florida the greatest human experiment?
Florida is a very strange place. Some of the souls I love most on this earth hail from its curvy shores. But also Marco Rubio. I had never been until four years ago and hated it from afar but then thought it was time to test my regional bigotry so went and drove almost every inch of its coastline in a white Fiat 500.
I wrote a story called THE STATE I HATE for Surfing Magazine and you can read it or just the last paragraph here:
Florida is home to the best of the best. Home to people who, when the lunatics grow exhausting, are there to take you into their homes and families and hearts. The worst and the best. No lukewarm in Florida. No Ohio blandness. And, in really experiencing this lack of blandness, the stone of my prejudice became dust and blew away. Florida is no longer “The State I Hate.” It is now and forever, affectionately, “Fucked Up.”
Guess what happened in Palm Beach, near Miami, yesterday? A man sporting a thick top bun and what appear to be Rip Curl trunks pulled a shark from the Atlantic so that people could take his picture with the animal. He kneeled behind it, one hand on tail fin the other hand on head, in a very sexually provocative pose. Like he maybe just had his way with it. Onlookers squealed with delight.
Witnesses later said the shark washed back up onto the sand and died making animal rights activists very angry/sad. One wrote that this man should be waterboarded for his crime. Would you like to take a portrait with a shark? Do you think if Mick Fanning could turn back the clock he would take a portrait with that South African shark? Would you like to maybe have some sexy time with one too? Are you more angry that this man killed a shark or that he sports a thick top bun? Do you love Florida like I now do?