Kealii Mamala
There's stand-up paddle and there's…y'know… the kinda SUP pilots that cliff-dive Teahupoo. Kealii Mamala is a remarkable devotee of this maligned sport.

Disaster: SUP Tour on Brink!

Contests without prizemoney! Money owed! Do you weep?

In a departure from my normal light and breezy daily schedule I’ve actually got some shit to do today. And that means low effort post, just get something up. Because this is the internet and if we don’t have tons of posts every single day y’all will move on to the next thing and all this effort will have been for nothing.

Which I doubt, because if surf contests are boring, stand-up contests are like fifty years in solitary confinement with only an audiobook of Ethan Frome for company.

Lucky for me, Christopher Parker (no relation) over at supracer.com posted a very interesting article regarding the current status of the Waterman League, that cringeworthy named attempt at cashing in on the stand-up craze.

Turns out they don’t have any money, aren’t paying competitors, and are continuing to run contests while hoping against hope they can pull a funding rabbit out of their hat and remain solvent.

Which I doubt, because if surf contests are boring, stand-up contests are like fifty years in solitary confinement with only an audiobook of Ethan Frome for company.

Highlights from the article include:

  • Athletes are still owed a combined $70,000 from last year. 
  • There was no prize money for the Sunset Beach Pro in Hawaii last week. 
  • Looking further back: In September 2015, the Waterman League began trying to raise capital through a group of Canadian investors. This is why they initially promised all prize money would be repaid by the end of October 2015, and that all 2016 events would have a $50,000 purse. But they jumped the gun: The Canadian deal fell over before the end of the year.
  • Robert, and by extension Park Lane, appear to be the Waterman League’s only real chance of survival at this stage. The company is broke and on the brink, but if Park Lane can raise up to $5,000,000 as promised, it’ll be happy days for everyone. They’ll finally be able to go big and realise the grand vision they’ve been promising for the past five years.

I recommend giving the entire thing a read. It’s an interesting bit of backroom fuckery, competitors as chumps, all couched in a curiously optimistic tone.

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CYCOlogist
CYCOlogist
10 years ago

Just curious from all you fire breathing keyboard pounders who absolutely hate this sport. What do you think of of us who SUP ONLY in flat water bays, harbors and lakes and nowhere near a surf lineup? If we are out in the ocean, we are paddling out beyond where waves are breaking so again, NOWHERE near the surf lineup. We don’t fancy ourselves as being surfers or consider ourselves part of the surf “scene”. If we are kooks and what we do is lame it doesn’t really matter because you won’t see us.

blumpkin mung
blumpkin mung
10 years ago
Reply to  CYCOlogist

if you jerk it to brony porn in the privacy of your own home and leave it there, it’s fine with me.

CYCOlogist
CYCOlogist
10 years ago
Reply to  blumpkin mung

I jerk it to Jewish nun porn but same difference.

bitter guy
bitter guy
10 years ago

its “Blane” and “Purps”

CYCOlogist
CYCOlogist
10 years ago

Donkeys I hear are like burrows.

Bob Dobalina
Bob Dobalina
10 years ago

Tristan Boxford.

Welsh for “Fuckwit Pommie Windsurfer that moves to Hawaii, marries, fucks over everybody with the old Rising-Tide-Lifts-All-Boats theory”.

I’m sure he’ll sell this idea eventually, cash out, and never pay up.

But i guess if he’s fucking over the “SUP Community”, the enemy of my enemy is my friend, right?

Tony J Freitas
Tony J Freitas
10 years ago

kill them all, kill everybody

Tony J Freitas
Tony J Freitas
10 years ago

i agree, keep them in the water, i mean river, i mean they are everywhere!
https://youtu.be/9CWHFkyP1PM

Tony J Freitas
Tony J Freitas
10 years ago

TYPE as much as you like but Tristan had The UAE SUPSURFING DAY AND NIGHT
https://youtu.be/l1BANoDc-C8

Tony J Freitas
Tony J Freitas
10 years ago
Big E
Big E
10 years ago

At what point in the lives of a SUP Surfer makes them feel they are entitled to make money at a sport? If you’re the best SUP wave rider in the world why do you think you deserve money? What happened to the biggest gratification being the passion and the love of the sport, with the biggest reward knowing that you went out for a session and had one the best days of your life. The men’s and women’s Olympic water polo team don’t make a dime after putting thousands of hours of high intensity training, thousands of hours of fatigue and bone crushing competition sacrificing their time to be with family and friends to do a sport they love and surprise they are not getting paid. I’m sick and tired of people thinking they’re entitled to make money because they are a big fish in a small pond. Much like the ASP your marketing team sucks you guys have nothing to offer the public. My best advice is do a sport for the passion And don’t confuse a couple hours three days a week as training which qualifies you as a professional , Man up stop being a whiny pussy .

CYCOlogist
CYCOlogist
10 years ago
Reply to  Big E

The same question could go for any type of surfing. I agree with your overall point, but if one does enter a competition that up front offers prize money (be it SUP surfing, shortboard/longboard surfing, or frisbee golf) then I think it’s realistic for the winner to expect the pay that was offered. I think the bigger issue is this organization should not expect to become a profit making entity in a sport that will never be more popular than with a dedicated small few. The overwhelming majority of people who SUP are weekend average Joe’s and Jane’s who do it in bays and lakes and aren’t aware or even care about a so called pro tour.

Jimmy the Saint
Jimmy the Saint
10 years ago
Reply to  Big E

Why did the SUPer feel entitled? There is a joke in there somewhere!

Tony J Freitas
Tony J Freitas
10 years ago
Reply to  Big E

ok now go back to work

CYCOlogist
CYCOlogist
10 years ago

Poopers poopers man your scoopers.

CYCOlogist
CYCOlogist
10 years ago

SPORTS!!

Nick Carroll
Nick Carroll
10 years ago

They need their very own Ziff.

Chas Smith
Chas Smith
10 years ago
Reply to  Nick Carroll

Hahahaha!

Nick Carroll
Nick Carroll
10 years ago
Reply to  Chas Smith

Let’s face it — don’t we all?

El Diablo Rojo
El Diablo Rojo
10 years ago

@Rory Parker – Everyone but you industry suck-ups hope all contests go away. You should bow down to Kealii Mamala instead of talking s#4t. He is going to surf what he wants where he wants and your drivel will do nothing to stop him. As an example, here he is on the day of days charging Mavs while most of the crawlers were cartwheeling down the face.

Rory Parker
Rory Parker
10 years ago
Reply to  El Diablo Rojo

I’m not sure where you’re getting the Kealii Mamala hate from. I like the guy. Crazy charger, absolutely rips. Only met him once or twice, but he was super friendly each time. Got cool hair too.

Audit In Progress
Audit In Progress
10 years ago
Reply to  Rory Parker

Yeah right, you Surf Industry Suck Up.

Rory Parker
Rory Parker
10 years ago

You got me. The WSL cuts me a check each month, full on false flag shit going on. I spit out constant nonsense criticism and it makes all the valid stuff seem stupid.

Kind of like the jews do with 9/11.

Seaman Staines
Seaman Staines
10 years ago
Reply to  El Diablo Rojo

Lol suppers call surfers crawlers, I hope you wear board shorts over your wetsuit in cooler weather El Diablo.

Wiggolly's Paddling Style
Wiggolly's Paddling Style
10 years ago
Reply to  El Diablo Rojo

SUP’s are s#4t. No amount of s#4t talking can truly describe just how s#4t SUP’s are. Did you ever stop to think that riding a SUP looks s#4t? If someone released the photographs of me riding a SUP in Boracay I would kill myself. I was there for a wedding. I had no choice.

El Diablo Rojo
El Diablo Rojo
10 years ago

I’m not talking s#4t. I’m telling the truth. Contest suck. The entire industry is going bankrupt. I’ve seen KM surf/SUP/tow at Mavs, Peahi, on Oahi and Puerto and he’s going to do what he’s going to do which is charge. As far as Boracay sorry the wedding wasn’t on Surigao.

bitter guy
bitter guy
10 years ago
Reply to  El Diablo Rojo

its aqua rollerblading, the writing has been on the wall for a while now

Wiggolly's Paddling Style
Wiggolly's Paddling Style
10 years ago
Reply to  bitter guy

*scootering.

J J
J J
10 years ago

Wait till you get older Dick head and have to choose between quitting surfing or riding a sup.

Wiggolly's Paddling Style
Wiggolly's Paddling Style
10 years ago
Reply to  J J

I don’t know what to say J J. I really hate SUPs but at the same I don’t want you to stop enjoying the ocean. Do what you love mate. I’m working on a board with JS that allows me to fit my cheese burger gut into a deep channel in the deck of the board so I can still paddle efficiently without wobbling over. I’m getting a bit of poo stance trying to stand either side of the hole but it’s alright it’s becoming pretty fashionable with the new world champion (I can’t remember his name) and all.

J J
J J
10 years ago

I think rather than hate sup s we need to go back to the code. Only take the waves you would if you were on your shirt lard. And local enforcement is needed on wave hogs both sup and surfers. I ride an 8′ 8″ wave riding sup that is smaller and more manourerable than your average longboard

Wiggolly's Paddling Style
Wiggolly's Paddling Style
10 years ago
Reply to  J J

You can’t underestimate the importance of burning the best surfer in the line up on your first wave of the day. It sets the tone. No one will even paddle for the waves you go for anymore.

Audit In Progress
Audit In Progress
10 years ago
Reply to  J J

Was there ever an easier decision? Farewell, surfing.

Seaman Staines
Seaman Staines
10 years ago

Comment of the year.

bitter guy
bitter guy
10 years ago
Reply to  J J

oh fuck me, what condition are you going to claim caused you to be unable to paddle yet able to row?

J J
J J
10 years ago
Reply to  bitter guy

Broken hip some years back that won’t allow my foot to come up quickly enough to get to my feet in a takeoff. I got tired of entertaining all the young guys by falling flat on my face mid takeoff. BT W I m 63 and still ride double overhead surf

bitter guy
bitter guy
10 years ago
Reply to  J J

oh, you’re 63? fuck, whatever you want then.

Reptilian
Reptilian
10 years ago
Reply to  El Diablo Rojo

You can swear on the Grit, cunts are loose

bitter guy
bitter guy
10 years ago
Reply to  Reptilian

yeah, put he referred to guys that paddle as “crawlers”, and that triggered me

Happy in the Brine
Happy in the Brine
10 years ago

Why doesn’t one of them sell their equipment on craigslist. That shit is so expensive it should be able to fund the tour for a few years.

Kennypowersmullet
Kennypowersmullet
10 years ago

kealii fucking tears. no matter what he riding. love to see most you guys try take off on 4 ft chopes on whatevr craft you like ride

J H
J H
10 years ago

By the way…I was at Haleiwa (the beach park…not even Ali’i) with my wife who was taking a lesson and when I took a wave I got dropped in on by a SUP’er. The 20 year-old girl giving her the lesson cursed at the guy. Too funny.

J H
J H
10 years ago

Okay…someone has to be the voice of reason here…WASSSSSUUUUUPPPPP with that?

Limbless Jack
Limbless Jack
10 years ago

I am surprised Laird isnt supporting them…The Waterman League reeks of Hamiltons touch

SB_Guy
SB_Guy
10 years ago

Some unemployed Janitors

Scotty Avalos-Crusty Demons
Scotty Avalos-Crusty Demons
10 years ago

SUP’s are pretty donkey but this is next level shit, he’s charging it regardless !


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