Linguistics: “Knifing” and such!

He's knifing into a wave! Nice knifing! Knifing the takeoff! Let's knife!

Yesterday was a fabulous one by any measure. Jaws really did soften me up and I thought to myself, even while writing that The Quiksilver in Memory of Eddie Aikau is the best show on earth, that it would look weak and small compared to Maui’s right hook.

I have rarely been happier to be wrong. Those drops? Mason Ho getting obliterated? Grant Twiggy free falling from the sky? Tangled leg ropes and mixed martial arts? Jaime O’Brien? It was a tour de force.

Watching “The Bay Call the Day” and listening to the web commentary team describe the heroics like John John “knifing” into a big one was pure pleasure and how many times did the web commentary team use the word “knifing?” Every time someone caught a wave? Every other time?

I accidentally have a graduate degree in applied linguistics and so, for me, language is also accidentally a very fun thing to observe. It seems like every year there are three or four words that the WSL commentary gang get into their mouths and cannot get out. Who could forget such classics as “foam climb” or “thanks for the insight, Pete?”

Do you think “knifing” will cross the Pacific and make its presence felt as the tour kicks off on the Gold Coast? Which are your favorite oft repeated WSL words?


Just in: John John Wins The Eddie!

Best big-wave contest ever? And John John Florence wins! Yes!

Did the Bay really call the day? I know this is overly contrarian, and that everyone enjoyed watching the contest, and the competitors were stoked to paddle out, but it was a little ugly out there. Hardly the glassy perfection of years past.

Not that Quik had a choice in the matter. There’s enough swell, the contest had to run. If it hadn’t they’d be dealing with no end of outrage.

The Eddie’s a weird event, given that the extended holding period amounts to a thirty one year privatization of the very best days Waimea has to offer. And everyone is okay with it, even me. I guess because it hardly ever goes, and Quik has done always done an excellent job with the invite list. No committee of five bullshit going on, truly only the very very very best. Helps ’em skirt any “no women” criticism. “Only the best are invited and there aren’t any women at that level” rings true because it actually is.

The channel cam is the best thing to ever happen to the Bay. I grew up thinking it was a jiggly plopper of a wave, long lens perspective squashing the face flat. Looks easy, unimpressive. But swing the angle 90 degrees, holy hell!

Great to see Danilo Cuoto’s wildcard slot got him in. Gifted us a murder dive bail, then stroked into a semi closed out bomb. The WSL took a pretty big shit on him at Pe’ahi, used his face to promote an event to which he wasn’t invited. I got him on the phone back then, thought I could channel some of his rage into a nice little ‘net nugget.

No dice. Calm and collected, wasn’t interested in talking shit. Not great for an outrage hound like me, but probably the proper response. It’s a small world, after all.

How about the Makua/Kala collision in round four? Oh boy, Kala paid for that one. Skitter, skitter, boom!

Years ago, when I still had a normal job selling surfboards on the North Shore, I met a German photographer guy. Worked for Surfers magazine, and he showed me a very funny picture of Kala chasing Tom Dosland up the beach at Ehukai. Wouldn’t give me a copy, was worried he’d get blackballed on the North Shore if he did. Not a reasonable concern, but I understand the place has a reputation.

Yep, Kala’s got anger issues. Sweet as pie the few times I’ve talked to him, but definitely needs to work on his impulse control. I can relate, I’ve been in the grips of rage before.

I saw a video of the wave that led to it when I got home (search as I might I can’t find it again), pretty brutal stuff. Dosland burned him bad, Kala had to straighten out and got annihilated. Must have hurt pretty bad, made Kala’s reaction look reason.

I doubt the Rothman clan is going to crowd stomp Kala tonight, but he definitely owes Makua a beer.

It’s surprising they’re allowing spectators on the beach. I keep expecting a big double up surge to jump the berm, wash into the parking lot, and drag a thousand people to their deaths. But the guards know what they’re doing, so it must be safe.

How gnarly is Clyde Aikau? Sixty-six years old, right? Gotta be the first guy on social security to surf in a professional contest. And it’s not like he’s one of those chiseled from granite old men. Looks like a friendly uncle running the grill at someone’s baby party. Goes to show how far knowledge and commitment will take you.

Wow, is Makua complaining about the scoring? He is! That’s some competitive spirit! I thought the party line was, “It’s just an honor to be invited.” Good to know it’s more than a freesurf, at least for him. Adds something, that he’s invested in his results.

Kelly’s paddling out on an 8’6, I hope that means he’s gonna try something cool.

Something I’ve noticed, in all the promo info pumped out to hype the event, and there’s been plenty, the prize purse has been curiously absent. Used to be a big deal, Quik would crow about the $50k first prize. Used to be huge money, down payment on a house. It’ll get you a really nice pickup nowadays.

No surprise that Dorian is in the lead. Like Wassel says, “Shane Dorian is one hundred percent the world’s best big wave surfer. If you can’t acknowledge that you’re high.”

Wonder what it takes to get his heart rate up. No doubt it’s big today, but not much compared to his antics on Maui. Must still be scary.

Speaking of Wassel, he once told me he doesn’t remember any of his biggest waves. That his mind goes blank from ledge to kick out. I’ve never thought to ask anyone else if that’s the case. Probably should.

The WSL would do well to adopt the Eddie’s scoring system for the BWWT. Really works for big wave comps. Two heats each is great, evens out the scoring, makes results a better representation of ability. And it’s kind of fucked to make a guy fly thousands of miles and knock him out if he’s in a slow heat.

RCJ’s 96 was pretty good. Too bad he pussed out and didn’t pull in at the end. What a loser!

I’m loving Raspberry on the ski. When he’s chattering in the background, instead of talking into the camera, he does so much better. Early day, when the water patrol had to scream in and beach it, the audio of his rag-doll ride was classic. “…shit…whup…” Honestly adds flavor, it’s easy to forget he’s in a pretty crazy spot.

Jesus christ, Mason Ho. Every time I think I couldn’t possibly crush on him any more he does something that makes me worship his twinkling little gremlin eyes even more.

And here comes the surge I’ve been waiting for all day. Moment of panic for the heroes watching from the beach, looks like everyone is okay

One of my favorite things about hanging out at Waimea on bigger days was listening to the lifeguards hassle people over the loudspeaker. “You, yeah you, in the white shorts. What are you doing? Stay out of the water.”

Only thing funnier is the guys at Sandy Beach. “Hey, crew cut! Don’t go in, you gonna die.”

Half-hour left in the second to last heat and it looks like Ross Clarke-Jones might be the first two time winner of the Eddie. How has his body held up all this long? Not that 49 is super old, but it’s a long time to spend putting your body through the wringer.

I just realized, as of this year the Quiksilver in Memory of Eddie Aikau has been running as long as Eddie himself was alive. As of next year he’ll have spent more time as a corporate mascot than a human being. Weird, the implications of that. Would his legend still exist? Would Eddie be a footnote, a little known pioneer lifeguard who drowned tragically one stormy day?

In fact, more than one big wave surfer has been proven to be worth more dead than alive. Sion Milosky was hardly a household name before he passed. Jay Moriarty got the Hollywood treatment.

Kind of a shame Chesser isn’t better remembered. And Mark Foo’s been more or less forgotten.

Just as my eyes were starting to glaze over, giving series thought to hitting pause and going for a swim, here’s come a set. Cuoto gets handled, JJ snags the lead.

What do you think would happen if one of the commentators whipped out his dick on camera? Beyond being fired, obviously. It’s not like webcasts get hit with broadcast fines, and last time I checked it’s not a crime to show your wang on the internet. I have no idea what made me think of that. Let’s move on, leave it unexamined.

The last heat is on and it seems like JJ’s got it in the bag. Good for him, great notch for your bedpost. I guess that’s a real downside to the system, the lack of final heat excitement. With everything spread over the course of the day there’s no big crescendo.

Sure, theoretically someone could catch a couple hundred point rides in a row, but that won’t happen.

Impressive day. Was it the best Eddie ever? Probably the biggest. 2009 was cleaner. I’ll leave it for others to decide.

It really doesn’t matter, there’s more than enough to build a top notch thirty minute edit, and it was great exposure for Quiksilver. When all is said and done, wasn’t that the point?

Update: The Eddie is half over!

What are your thoughts so far? Who will win?

And what do you think so far? Are you you awed? Merely intrigued? Do you think it stacks up favorably to the Jaws event? What about the announcers? How do you feel about the Freddy P. x Chris Cote collab?

Did you remember how steep Waimea is? Do you wish the announcers would shut the fuck up for just 30 seconds? 20 seconds even?

Do you like the Cinderella stories? Big Ben Wilko? Mr. Aaron Gold? How many times have you heard about him shaping his own boards? How many more times will you? If you were going to drink every single time an announcer mentioned Aaron Gold shaping his own board would you get very drunk or maybe would you die of alcohol poisoning?

How silly do the Titans of Mavericks Committee of Five feel for wedging Twiggy out of their event?

How happy are you?

Live: Eddie is going!

Your workday just got better! Instantly!

The Quiksilver in Memory of Eddie Aikau is underway right now and your workday just became a lot more enjoyably. It’s good Waimea too! Proper! Big!

I was just riding my own version of the Eddie. 5-7 foot Cardiff-by-the-Sea. Just barely overhead. I was on a gorgeous Vulture 6’4 pintail and almost got barreled (just kidding).

Watch HERE now!

Politics: The Gold Coast loses its mind!

The Gold Coast Bulletin crows, "It's a war of the waves!"

It is political season in America and I could not be more pleased. Every day features some melodramatic twist, some underhanded remark, some smear, some very hurt feelings. It is high theater. Better than any television drama or comedy.

Who would have ever guessed, for example, that Donald J. Trump would be smashing the Republican field? Or that a self-described socialist would be stirring the loins of Democrat youth? The public’s appetite is almost impossible to predict.

Take this photo for example. I saw it this morning in Australia’s Gold Coast Bulletin. The accompanying story reads:

Screen Shot 2016-02-25 at 7.19.28 AM

WITH good surf comes a war of the waves.

Gold Coast Bulletin photographer Jerad Williams captured a cracker photo at Snapper Rocks yesterday where a surfer is seen riding over a boogie boarder.

With packs of beach-goers making the most of ripper waves board riders are fighting for the best ride.

Have a look at the image above and vote in our poll on this story who you think has the right of way.

I clicked on the poll expecting an almost unanimous decision. The boogie has clearly dropped in on the surfer. No? Like, the surfer is closest to the “crest” of the “breaking wave” and all that. Yes? But in a stunning reversal of logic the boogie is handily beating the surfer by nearly 10 percentage points. Are Gold Coasters as wildly weird as Midwestern Americans? Do they view the world through race baited lenses? Would they be voting for Donald J. Trump if they could? Screen Shot 2016-02-25 at 7.14.35 AM