Let's be honest. Just for once. Or maybe even twice!
I will tell you firsthand. The surf industry loves more than anything to pat a back whilst, at the same instant, gossiping feverishly. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve done the same. Written glowingly about something I just, minutes before, gagged over. I’ve done it so many times, in fact, that I forget when I loathe and when I love. Which is why BeachGrit‘s newest feature Real Talk is so imperative. We, for the first time ever, are going to call it like we see it. Maybe we’ll be totally wrong but we’ll, at least, be totally honest and dignity may, in some distant future, come crawling back through the door!
Our first offering is Kelly Slater’s new surfboards. Surfing magazine wrote glowingly about them many weeks ago and Stab, as is its wont, just reprinted the same review today. I’m sure I’ve said they look sick to someone but I lied! Study them! I am no shaper, no surf design expert, but every time I see a picture of one of those boards I think, “UGH!” I think “My surfing would be set back 15 years!” I look at the weird Tomo one and think. “No. I’d embarrass myself badly both through the parking lot and on the wave.” I look at the one that has multi steps in the tail and think, “Why the hell does that board look like that?” I look at the one that is maybe supposed to be the high performance shortboard and think, “I don’t need any more potassium in my diet.”
I see many boards that make me want to grab their besotted rails straight away and dance them through a ten point wrap-around carve. I see Slater Designs and think, “If those were the last boards on earth I’d quit.”
But why? What about them disgusts? I don’t quite know. Something visceral for me, maybe, combined with Kelly’s boggy-turned World Tour effort last year. I reached out for expert advice from one of the world’s best shapers but was rebuffed. “I am not going to get suckered into any of that type of stuff right now. The boards are a bit out there, but if he proves successful on them, opinions may change…” he said. But I will say right now. UGH!
Now that’s real talk. Do you disagree? Are you dying to spend dollars on a banana? Are you begging to surf just like you did in the early 1990s?
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Why is no one asking which factory they come out of, how much they cost and how much is being made on them. A rumor from reliable sources suggests that their manufacturing cost is well bellow 100 USD.
Also I agree Webber banana looks like something Kelly won his first world title on. Kelly is conflicted as hell. On one hand sustainable clothing with ‘Outer known’ on the other, these shite, cheap boards (rumored) .
Next stop from me is Antarctica. Isolated Country with a small population… So the two tele-communication companies don’t need to show their cliental much love or data.
The real kooks are the salty old dog wannabes who go by the sexiness of the boards. I ride Tomo’s boards and I don’t give a fuck if they look ugly or make no sense. They ride amazing in small shit and they blow you mind how good they still go in bigger stuff. More, I think they actually work better for the average good surfer narrowing the performance gap to all those ultra-refined performance boards that only really suit WQS/CT level pro surfers.
And people say surfers are rebels, nowadays anything that steps out of the accepted format gets frowned upon, talk about establishment.
Back in the 70’s they were a lot more opened to experimentation, maybe we need to get back on the drugs…
#marilizelegajuana
I think he had that wide stringer first, if it’s who I’m thinking of.
his logo is appalling.
When you have the credibility of a Kelly Slater someone may actually give a fuck what you think. Envy manifests itself in many forms; bad writing is just one.
I love the Tomo stuff. I think the guy is a genius. Not your local shaper for sure (no offense to them). Some people are just ahead of times for design principle and looks. I assume thruster looked ugly to people accustomed to single fins…
yeah tomo has a real “edge” made in a carport by a local shaper
It’s was to copy. it is difficult to come out with original ideas (or evolutions of ideas).
You’re just validating Tomo… How many copies and versions of the MPH’s have we seen flooding the market since Daniel put his versions out?
What we don’t know is if that “carport model” goes anywhere near as good as the Tomos… unless you go and buy one off the racks!
And it begins…
haha… My comment.
But note: that 6’6″ was a straight-up Pipe board that Kelly won on. No hips, no channels. FW technology is superior in strength and they feel awesome. That board is clean, and I want one. I want 6 of them.
But I’m kinda with Chas on this.
Personally, I think Kelly should have three models: small wave, performance, step-up. But not those boards. I want to see the thin and narrow boards he won 11 titles on.
Does Kelly feel a need to be an innovator to impress us? I’m already impressed by the surfing he did to win those titles, and I want the boards he did it on; only refined to a modern board that I need to up my game to ride. Next level.
I did that when I switched to the 5’11” and 6’0″ Taj Firewire (around 24.8 L), and once I made the adjustment? STOKED. Superior technology and shape. No pressure dings. Lightweight. Excellent flex. Turns better than any other design I’ve ridden. Feels better than PU or EPS. Taj and FW was magic.
FW would be wise to offer more Pro signature models, including Kelly’s, in those 3 categories. I got a FW Taj step-up 6’3″ pin tail and it is freaking golden.
Personally, I want refinement, not a new genre.
It’s cool to offer new ideas, like Tomos, but 90% of the advanced-level surfing world is riding tuned, clean Thrusters. Look at the WSL. That’s what I want to ride.
And FW is a great technology to do it with. Kelly made a smart move, for sure. I hope he offers the above. His boards should be elite. Giving the better surfers something to grow into.
Love his logo by the way. Understated. Says allot of cool things.
https://www.youtube.com/wat…
boom.
There is something about them that just looks cheap and plasticy. He is gonna surf well with whatever he is on, so I doubt it was the banana under his feet that was the reason he won. Ever since I have seen him on them they just have looked odd, ugly and unappealing. His banana board reminds me of my ugly board that I only ride when it’s sketchy and I don’t want to ruin my pretty boards.
Is it time to have “The John John Discussion.”
Or is anyone else ready to burn this shit show to the ground?
Agreed. John John is just a modern Josh Kerr: a two-tricky pony. He can ride big barrels and land sick airs but his rail game is so weak. Plus he still not able to put a wave together by linking turns. And good surfing is all about that.
The hype is not justified.
“whilst” haha Chas = not-so-closet Anglophile…
I get a lot of what’s going on in surfing, but for the life of me I don’t understand why people don’t just make friends with their local shapers and pay 50% of what boards in a shop cost. Anyone?
it’s called marketing.
No-one is immune, not even you Troges.
I will say that I fall for it in some areas of my life, but the only board I’ve ever purchased off the rack was my very first new board when i was just a pimply-faced 13 year old.
Then how the hell do you know yours are good enough?
It’s the friendship part that I’ve always struggled with. Along with cheap glass sliding doors.
I used to only get boards from a couple of local shapers… who never got the dimensions, tail shape or colours right. Whenever you’d ask them why he did this or that he’d tell you it was his “secret” formula. Bullshit!
Truth is there were a lot of kooks shaping and all that secrecy and lack of objectivity helped them disguise their own design limitations. With the ability to scan and replicate good shapes and make them available worldwide we all got to compare our local shaper’s designs, some just aren’t good enough and others had to step it up (for our benefit).
All shapers used to talk smack about their competitors and now you see them all collaborating and shaping out of each others’ factories… We win!
No shaper is making you a board for 50% off of shop cost unless you rip shit or you are a very good friend-maybe not even then. Bing has it’s team on trade policy for fuck sake, there is NO long money in shaping anymore.
I don’t buy these genetically modified boards. Balsa wood only Kelly, you know how many toxins leech into your tanned hairless chest from this!?!
he just won the pipe pro on them.
Apart from the fact they look awful if you turn up at any break with one you might as well have kook stamped on your forehead if you don’t surf like Kelly.
Kelly’s boards may be ugly but so are all the commas in this article. Makes my head (and grammar) hurt.
would you honestly not ride a board that improved your surfing because you thought it looked ugly? your trying way to hard if thats the case. Honestly who gives a fuck what the brotherhood of old crusty sea dogs deems beautiful or not.
** Also the board hes on currently at Pipe is looking mean. Would be keen to try one out.
2 of the 4 finalists at pipe were riding Tokoro’s. Wouldn’t you be keener to try one of those out over Kelly’s marketed, Thailand made boards?
Absolutely, If I was surfing pipe I wouldn’t look past something local but that’s not gonna happen now is it.
You’d have to guess the target audience is that of the weekend warrior-more dollars than sense type. 12 sets of fins in the boot of the car, including those golf ball dimple fins. Reads and believes the ‘science’ on the packaging. A practice of futility, looking for an edge.
buys a $600 new driver every spring cause he read it’ll give him 3 more yards off the tee. Kelly has moved to Montecito in his sensibilities.
I will say these boards do have that firewire type volume. The real question is if he will really ride these boards in competition in 4 months
Kelly’s going to win the QuikPro in a Final at perfect Kirra on his banana board.