First I must say, as someone who occasionally
introduces himself as a “surf journalist” at parties, that Longtom’s coverage of the 2016
Quiksilver Pro Gold Coast would win the Graham Stapelberg Award for
Excellence in Reporting™ if we had such a thing. We don’t. Surf
journalists go unloved, at best, gratingly tolerated, mostly,
despised, sometimes.
But maybe we surf journalists should form an academy? Longtom
are you in? Nick Carroll? Matt Warshaw, of course you, and who else
should be included? Who are the greatest living surf journalists?
Yes, we will form an academy and next year bring you the Graham
Stapelberg Award for Excellence in Reporting™ but let’s first talk
about the weather!
Filipe Toledo’s injury is a massive blow and could it be
possible that the Brazilian Storm has finally broken? The system
was set to push squall after squall for the foreseeable future.
First Gabe then ADS then, I thought for sure Filipe, then Gabe
again then Italo then Filipe then Filipe then Ciao then Filipe
etc.
With Filipe’s injury, though, is there going to be a shift in
pattern? Just look at the top ten. Dirty blonde, blonde,
injured, blonde, ADS, Australian brunette, permed blonde, blonde,
Ciao, Japanese American.
I can’t imagine another ADS jog, can you? Gabe maybe but Filipe
seemed like the one to run wire to wire but with his being erased
will Kolohe win it all? JJF? Disco Stu Kennedy? Parko? And if a non
Brazilian wins will another non Brazilian slip in behind him? Will
Brazil lose its footing? Will the clouds part never to reform with
such strength again?
Loading comments...
Load Comments
0
Florence's Human, all too Human strategy to defeat
Toledo had the weight of prophecy, except it was Wilko who would
reap the reward of Toledo's mistake and injury. Just like that the
seemingly undefeatable Toledo was being carried up the beach and
then bundled into a black SUV with Dickie Toledo behind the wheel
looking as solemn as Marlon Brando in the Godfather. | Photo:
WSL
WSL: The Best (Worst) Game on Earth?
By Longtom
Wilko wins Quiksilver Pro, Stu Kennedy highballed,
Filipe withdraws from Bells, Margs…
The heavens opened in Lennox last night.
Like the rest of the town I was awake, wandering the rainy streets
looking for signs and portents, greeting my fellow night-walkers,
heads hunched low in raincoats, with the sign of the cross.
Babies are slapped on the arse at birth and have their necks
broken so they can’t look left. For baptism they are rolled on the
barnacles until a bloody mess and are lovingly taught their first
words: “fuck off cunt”.
You’ve never been to Lennox? Don’t come. We hate tourists. I’ll
paint you a sketch so you can taste it’s sweet fruits vicariously.
Basically, it’s Paradise on Earth for the working man and woman.
Big volcanic headland, sand-bottom point that breaks from two foot
to as big as it gets. Warm water all year round.
Babies are slapped on the arse at birth and have their necks
broken so they can’t look left. For baptism they are rolled on the
barnacles until a bloody mess and are lovingly taught their first
words: “fuck off cunt”.
We like fights, sharks, lawnmowers and mixing drink and drugs.
Contrary to popular opinion we are an entrepeneurial race: Lennox
Heads has the second highest number of successful lawn-mowing
franchisees in the southern hemisphere. Luckily this was able to
supplant the towns earlier industry of pot growing which was
destroyed by the war on drugs. Funnily enough we are also, in the
pro surfing space at least, at the vanguard of neuro-science. More
on that later.
One of the (many) beefs I’ve had with Nick Carroll over the
years concerns his deference to the superiority of WSL top 34 and
the inferiority of the local “king of the Point”. Whenever I argued
for the unknown surfer, I had Stu Kennedy in mind. This guy is
26.
Are we now expected to believe that this guy who has just beaten
the best of the best has materialised out of the Lennox ether as a
barely sponsored family man and fully formed top three surfer?
Or is there something rotten in the QS system and the whole
industry paradigm of casting ripe on the vine surfers into the
compost heap because they have red hair (Bede) or can’t shift
product or like to speak their mind (Stu Kennedy) effectively
cruelling careers before they begin?
It was quite a shock to see commenters, even moderators, calling
the event and the surfing lame. It didn’t seem like it at the
beach. It made me reflect on emotion and perspective. Beachside, as
the QF between JJF and Stu came down to the final minute the
collective mood in the crowd was hyper-intense.
In fact, judges seemed in thrall to the emotional force of the
crowd and highballed Stu Kennedy. Looking back at the ride on the
heat analyser minus the psychic impact and it looks thin and
implausible. Such is life. I thought JJF had neutralised Kennedy’s
aggression with passivity. There was a sense that Stu might have
exhausted his reservoir of aggressive energy against a passive
opponent.
I was embedded in the Stu Crew, with brother, mother, wife,
manager and entourage. People were shaking, levitating as Stu rode
the final wave.
“Did he get it?” I asked the manager.
He looked over his shoulder at me as he ran down the
beach”…nah”.
But he did.
In fact, judges seemed in thrall to the emotional force of the
crowd and highballed him. Looking back at the ride on the heat
analyser minus the psychic impact and it looks thin and
implausible. Such is life. I thought JJF had neutralised Kennedy’s
aggression with passivity. There was a sense that Stu might have
exhausted his reservoir of aggressive energy against a passive
opponent.
But in the end, passivity was trumped by emotion. It was weird
feeling the crowd go silent during a JJF ride, as if to downplay it
to the judges. As a collective crowd strategy it worked.
Florence’s human, all too human strategy to defeat Toledo had
the weight of prophecy, except it was Wilko who would reap the
reward of Toledo’s mistake and injury. Just like that the seemingly
undefeatable Toledo was being carried up the beach and then bundled
into a black SUV with Dickie Toledo behind the wheel looking as
solemn as Marlon Brando in the Godfather.
Half of Lennox head stood in the rain to push their boy through.
But the Stu K engine was spluttering. The falls became more crucial
and a not very pretty Kolohe squeezed him out. The margin closer
than it looked from the beach. A pro surfing speciality: the two
best surfers knocked out before the final.
I couldn’t deal with the anti-climax. Like Deathstar said to me
yesterday, “Why do we even watch this shit? It has nothing to do
with us and what we do as surfers”. Fascination had turned to
contempt.
I was still fizzing from the WSL playing hardball with the Grit
over the content and blackballing their Facebook page. Remember
when the surf companies started treating their core with contempt?
We know how that movie ended. Dave Prodan had emailed me when I
said I would kick him in the nuts and said he had nothing to do
with the social media or partnership terms of the WSL. I asked him
why the WSL was pursuing such a counterproductive strategy of
playing hardball with content? Why kick those in the teeth who are
covering “your” sport. At time of writing, there was no
response.
I hit the road before the final started. Maybe I’ll get the last
five minutes with Deathstar I thought. It was finished as I pulled
back in front of his surf shop. Scrappy, uninspiring was his
summation. Don’t get me wrong, I love Wilko, but that stance has
got a bit extreme, he could at least have the decency to tuck the
back leg in a little. It’s scaring the kiddies.
Oh yeah. The neuro-science. I couldn’t get much sense out of Stu
in the moments after the loss. He was with his family and his
people, everyone was coming back down to Earth after a pretty wild
ride. But I did get a few moments with the manager, a man at the
forefront of sports performance in a new field called
neuro-performance.
It involves rigging the athlete up to their own EEG monitor and
measuring and then changing via neuro-plasticity the thoughts and
action pathways in the brain, leading to improved peak performance.
You wondered why Stu was able to bring the noise at such a high
level, well, it had a little more to do than the environment of
Lennox Head.
Roll on Bells. Will Slater show up or will this be the start of
the biggest slow motion train wreck of a late career in sporting
history? I can see him two or three years down the track arguing
with the jetski security in the line-up.
“I’m Kelly fucking Slater dude. I’m here to surf”
“Move along mate, before you end up in the pen for the night.
It’s over Kelly.”
I can never figure out whether this is the greatest or the worst
sport on Earth.
Editor’s note: Filipe Toledo just withdrew from
the Bells and Margaret River events. “I’ve pulled a groin muscle
doing an air… so I’ll go back home and do some physio and get ready
for Rio.”
Watch how he did it here.
Loading comments...
Load Comments
0
Can you imagine hoisting Rob Machado on your shoulders
while Tim Curran sings sad songs on his little guitar, Damien
Hobgood makes wisecracks from the edge of the infinity pool dressed
in his extra long trunks, and noted photographer Tom Servais
records it all for future generations to marvel at? | Photo: The
Cape/Thompson Hotels
Gimme: $1000-per-night surf retreat!
By Derek Rielly
A Cabo vay-cay with Damo Hobgood, Rob Machado and
Tim Curran!
Did you know that Rob Machado and Tim Curran
have their own travel company called Mansa
Vida?
Tim Curran, the pioneer of the alley-oop twenty years ago, as
well as being a noted minstrel, describes it as “a travel
adventure production company offering Day In The Life inspired
events and trips around the world with us and some of our friends.
We wanted to be able to share our experiences and stories of our
travels, and also include music, art, photography and film.”
The first event is a one-thousand-dollar-a-day,
three-or-five-day vay-cay with Rob and Tim as well as Damien
Hobgood and the noted photographer Tom Servais at the
dazzling Javier Sánchez-designed hotel, The
Cape, in Cabo San Lucas.
Shall we examine the details?
Three Nights at The Cape, a Thompson
Hotel – room options vary; can include but not
limited to:
The Surfer Villa – a three-bedroom,
two-story luxury villa with a fully-equipped, state-of-the-art
kitchen; gaming room with pool table; expansive, private outdoor
patio with a plunge pool and barbecue; and sauna
Deluxe King Suite – featuring a private
balcony with hanging daybed; bespoke mid-century, Latin
American-inspired furnishings; free-standing, copper-leafed tub and
rain shower
Surfing Workshop with Curran and
Hobgood – guests will hit the waves side-by-side with
Curran and Hobgood, where they can test out the pros’ surfboards
and experience hands-on coaching; pending surf conditions and open
to surfers of all levels
Film Screenings on The Rooftop – cult
surf films will be screened at the sixth-story rooftop lounge
overlooking the Sea of Cortez and downtown Cabos San Lucas;
followed by Q&A session with the pros discussing the art and
craftsmanship of this niche genre
Photography Exhibit with Tom Servais –
led by the renowned surf photographer, guests will view a
collection of iconic surf images taken by Servais over the last few
decades; followed by a Q&A session with Servais on capturing
the culture and action of the sport
Live Acoustic Concert on The Rooftop –
led by singer/songwriter Curran, guests will enjoy a live acoustic
show at the hotel’s rooftop lounge
Daily Morning Yoga – often a fundamental
part of surf culture, each day will begin with beachside yoga
classes led by a resident teacher
Daily Breakfast – hosted breakfast at the
resort’s casual beach-house inspired restaurant Ledge, complete
with ocean views and fresh local produce
Surf SWAG – guests will receive assorted
sporting gear from the pros’ sponsors
Roundtrip Airport Transfer – from San
Jose del Cabo airport
According to Travel Weekly, packages “start at $3,981 for three
nights in a double occupancy room… An optional five-night package
in a double occupancy room is available for $5,920. Rates do not
include tax and resort fees.”
Loading comments...
Load Comments
0
"Contests bring out the best surfing out of some
people," says Albee, "and kinda suffocate others true potential
(JJF)." | Photo: WSL
Just in: Albee Layer vs Quiksilver
Pro!
By Derek Rielly
"Why does everyone have a hard-on for people
surfing at 70%?"
Do you like opinion? Of course you do. Who
doesn’t? But the avoidance of anything resembling opinion has
become a fetish in the surf world.
If you were to scroll through as many BeachGrit posts
as you could stomach, you would find it all pretty tame, a squabble
here and there, a few high words, some cheap jokes, not much else.
But the angry scenes! The recriminations!
A “veteran” or anyone barely throwing tail is not progression
it’s the opposite it’s moving backwards.
Isn’t humour and satire and real talk compensation for the
drizzly dreariness of our lives?
Let’s ask Albee Layer, the noted Maui surfer, for his opinion on
the Quiksilver Pro, 2016.
Why the f**k does everyone have a hard-on for people surfing at
70% surfing won’t progress any where like that.
80% of people on and running CT don’t understand the difference
between different airs. A full rotation, an air reverse, a single
grab a double grab are all vastly different and are not on the same
level of difficulty. Also landings should matter
A “veteran” or anyone barely throwing tail is not progression
it’s the opposite it’s moving backwards.
Contests bring out the best out of some people and kind of
suffocate others true potential (JJF).”
What are Albee’s credentials for such criticisms? See below.
Loading comments...
Load Comments
0
Two guys look like Finalists. One is the defending
champion and one is a part-timer from Lennox who racked up a hell
of a credit card debt chasing the QS after Rip Curl dumped him in
his prime. Is he aggressive in the surf, does he take his and yours
as well, ala Fanning at the Superbank? Not at all. He's the most
mellow cat out there. No interview today but tomorrow we'll get
down with the Stu and see where the declarations of war come from.
Throw a question in the comments and I'll get it to him. | Photo:
WSL
Quiksilver Pro: “Stu K v Toledo
final!”
By Longtom
Prediction: defending champ vs lawnmower man from
Lennox Head…
Human all too Human.
The dream continues. Great day for the race.
Putin pulls out of Syria, Ohio and Florida primaries tomorrow, Stu
Kennedy continues his run in the biggest pro surfing cinderella
story since…since… the last time a highly fancied sponnoed surfer
was parachuted into a comp as wildcard and failed miserably. So,
ever.
Not a single military analyst saw Putin’s exit from Syria, same
with Kennedy’s wrecking ball run through the draw. Not one
commenter picked it, least of all me, and he lives around the
corner. Couple of weeks ago I saw him out the front mowing the
lawn, thought the dream was over and he was a phone call away from
picking up a Jim’s Mowing franchise.
Just by way of preamble, I parked down in the Cooly-gatta by the
old ASP headquarters. To get a panorama of the Superbank. If you’re
reading in America, or England, or Hawaii, or Israel or South
Africa and you haven’t seen this thing, you’re really missing
something. It’s phenomenal. A mile of ruler-edged sand, waves of
amazing perfection whipcracking at maximum surfboard speed. Not
dirty green or brown like Sandspit. They slither like phantasmic
eels in electric blue, Tahitian Pacific warm blue. You’ve got to
see it, surf it. You only need one. Just one.
From the vantage of the rocks at Little Marley, Stu K out surfed
JJF in the morning round four heat in the best looking surf of
the event. Rielly asked me to get technical today in the wrap. By
that analysis Stu beat with him superior repertoire, turn speed,
drive off the bottom and rotational arc.
He failed the first critical finishing move to avoid running
over a freesurfer. He fell on the second to open the door for
Florence. Those flat spin air reverses from Florence where he hucks
off the lip and lands in the flats aren’t pretty and scream busted
ankle. But it was enough to get the job done. Kanoa was not in the
hunt. He’s had a dream run with low-scoring heats but if real talk
rules he would have not made a womens heat today.
Two guys look like Finalists. One is the defending champion and
one is a part-timer from Lennox who racked up a hell of a credit
card debt chasing the QS after Rip Curl dumped him in his prime. Is
he aggressive in the surf, does he take his and yours as well, ala
Fanning at the Superbank? Not at all. He’s the most mellow cat out
there. No interview today but tomorrow we’ll get down with the Stu
and see where the declarations of war come from
By forecasting a Brother revival in 2016 and a QF finish at
least I was ridiculed: Brother drops off Tour, Brother has a busted
hoof etc etc. To double down on the call, I predict Kolohe Andino
to take out the Aussie Leg and vy for the Republican nomination in
2020 as a dual world champion with Snips as VP and Speaker
verballing the empty chair.
Two guys look like finalists. One is the defending champion and
one is a part-timer from Lennox who racked up a hell of a credit
card debt chasing the QS after Rip Curl dumped him in his prime. Is
he aggressive in the surf, does he take his and yours as well, ala
Fanning at the Superbank? Not at all. He’s the most mellow cat out
there. No interview today but tomorrow we’ll get down with the Stu
and see where the declarations of war come from. Throw a question
in the comments and I’ll get it to him.
Without a media pass I had to hustle with the rest of the cattle
and all the dewey eyed groupies looking for a piece of Florence. I
wanted to know if had a strategy to rein in Toledo.
“Looks pretty obvious to me,” I said, “that Filipe is surfing at
a level well above everyone else. What are you going to do to beat
him?”
“Ummm, I don’t know, he’s human too, he’ll make his mistakes.
I’m just going to surf my best and not worry about him”.
Right.
As a strategy, the human, all-too-human strategy, has worked out
badly for JJF in the past. Remember the Final at Margies with De
Souza? Waiting for De Souza to make a mistake worked out, how? He
just calmly slotted two eights and put Florence to sleep.
Can anyone see Filipe crumbling? Seeing as how every Final he’s
been in he’s absolutely crushed his opponent. You’ll have to throw
him off the balcony of the fifth floor to cripple him first or give
him the pre-heat drug of choice of Wilson and Freestone. He’s going
to have to be outsurfed. Or out muscled and harassed by a no name
lawn-mower from the Ox.
Can anyone see Filipe crumbling? Seeing as how every Final he’s
been in he’s absolutely crushed his opponent. Put the fish and the
chicken on the combo plate as Ross Williams would say. Nup. You’ll
have to throw him off the balcony of the fifth floor to cripple him
first or give him the pre-heat drug of choice of Wilson and
Freestone. He’s going to have to be outsurfed. Or out muscled and
harassed by a no name lawn-mower from the Ox.
Didn’t the afternoon get weird. The vibe on the beach was low
key, kind of non-existent really, the surf faded out so I went
looking for expert commentary to watch the final heats unfold. I
found it in the form of BeachGrit commenter DeathStar who
was manning one of the core surfboard shops on the outskirts of
Byron Bay. Deathstar speaks from the perspective of thirty years in
the surfboard biz. I asked Deathstar to walk us through the
mechanics of the Parkinson/Ibelli restart.
Longtom: What the fuck just happened then
Deathstar?
Deathstar: They’ve had a talk and Parko’s said
to the young guy “We’re going in” and the young guy’s gone “Yes Mr
Parkinson, lets do that”. And an official has told them to get back
out there because this is surfing time.
Longtom: So Parko’s verballed him?
Deathstar: I think so. They didn’t stop the
clock. The surfers don’t have a right. It’s a professional event
and it’s on.
Longtom: Any other sport in the world where
that could happen. Where they’d just stop and say “nah we’re
done”.
Deathstar: “Maybe golf? If there was an
electrical storm. But no, can’t think of another sport where they
could just go nah, we’re not doing it. I just think that was
massive mind games from Joel Parkinson, the master. I’m
flabbergasted by that, we just saw a bit of history.
Longtom: What’s your overall assessment of this
event?
Deathstar: It’s been fascinating, I reckon. For
a lot of reasons. Definite generational change, it’s actually
really coming into effect now. Dunno, I just think it’s a cleaner,
better produced product.
Longtom: But is anyone watching, does anyone
care?
Deathstar: I think a lot of people are watching
but beyond the people who are watching no one gives a shit. Unless
something major happens like an 11-time world champ getting taken
down by an unknown from Lennox Head.
Longtom: Or a shark attack.
Deathstar: Or a shark attack.
I’m not a betting man, but you’d put Toledo in an unbackable
favourite. But if the most famous Kennedy from Lennox Head does get
up it’ll be the best time to surf the Point uncrowded: the party
will last for weeks and every surfer in the district will be
keeping European hours.
Loading comments...
Load Comments
0
Jon Pyzel and Matt Biolos by
@theneedforshutterspeed/Step Bros
