Power Rankings: 2016 Rookies Pre-Snapper!

Are they the freshest air or do they stink of chemical products floating on the breeze?

Are the seven WSL rookies for 2016 a breath of the freshest air or do they stink of chemical products floating on the breeze? Let’s meet!

#1 Ciao Ibelli, Brazil

For those who doubt the peloton effect, watch this rookie come on tour as a fully-fledged man amongst men, slipstreaming right into the psychological advantage of the Brazilian front-runners.

Proof that supply side economics does work in rare instances. ie. a rising tide does float all boats. We saw that with the way De Souza learnt to ride Pipe, Gabby likewise at Pipe and Chopes, Filipe on the right path.

Ibelli has the most powerful bottom turn on tour, before he even starts. Rookie of the Year.

#2 Ryan Callinan, Australia

Chinese I Ching, the Book of Changes, would say the timing is propitious for Ryan Callinan. An ecological niche has become vacant on tour with the retirements of CJ Hopgood and Freddie P, namely, working class goofyfooter.

Actually, Callinan is a bit more than that. Of all the rookies, he’s the only one I can get excited about. Very classy repertoire: progressive, powerful. More than a hint of Clay Marzo minus the Aspergers. Craig Anderson with a functioning back leg. You think I’m being a parochial jackass, backing an aussie goofyfooter? Watch this video and make up your own mind. 

Callinan has already been through a mild version of hype, come out the other side as a smart, well-adjusted kid. He’s obviously got the chops and is smart enough to figure out the game. Is he dumb enough to think that it matters?

From the I Ching: Trial and tribulation can hone exceptional character to a razor edge that slices deftly through every challenge. 
Action prevails where words will fail.

#3 Connor Coffin, USA

There’s everything to like about CC’s surfing and nothing to hate. Smooth, on rail, stylish, progressive, seems like a lovely kid, Santa Babs style as deep as the Mariana trench, made Sunset Beach look good etc… and yet, taken as a whole the package seems a bit… a bit I don’t know, pseudo, a bit soft.

I like it, it’s just I don’t feel anything when I see it.

I see you Bradley Gerlach, flying down the 805 in your convertible getting all red-faced and apoplectic, come on down and defend your boy. Tell me I’m a worthless internet hack who couldn’t surf his way out of a wet paper bag and whose opinion is worth five-eighths of fuck all. Bring the noise, but first look into your heart of hearts and tell me honestly you wouldn’t like to see Connor with just a touch more Andy Irons, a smidgin of Bobby Martinez, a bit more mongrel about him before he launches into a pro career. You do don’t you!

That’s all I’m saying, baby.

You can coach technique but you can’t coach character. Parker = new improved Taylor Knox?

#4 Jack Freestone, Australia

Taking an omniscient view of the good ship “Jack Freestones career” we spy from our vantage three dangerous shoals ahead.

The first is genetic.

Jack is tall timber and his specialty is a progressive aerial repertoire. As we saw last year during his Snapper wildcard, when it’s small and weak he looks underpowered and cumbersome. Against smaller opponents like Filipe Toledo in three-foot surf his genetic attributes become a drag. He needs to quickly develop more big turn carving and shift water, as well as learn to manhandle heavy lefts.

The second shoal is expectation, or the weight of unrealised expectation. Freestone has been talked up since he won the world junior title and it was expected he would quickly slipstream his Coolangatta homies Parko and Fanning. Not so. In the meantime his peers and those younger than him have won events and world titles. That could be motivation in the right hands, in the wrong ones a disincentive to do the work required.

Which leads to the third hazard ahead. Attitude. Freestone has already won the prize: Instagram followers, Alana Blanchard etc etc. Why does he even need to be on tour? He’s already expressed ambivalence, he can’t come out of the gates at Snapper tentative, trying to feel his way in, wondering if all this hassle is worth it. Snapper and Bells suit his surfing.

If he lacks impact there he risks being an easy-beat by June with a still born career by December. That’s nothing but real talk.

#5 Kanoa Igarashi, USA

I’m wracking my brain trying to think of another pro sport where athletes can come onto the main stage with such undercooked skill sets at some of the main locations. Can you think of any? Pro surfing seems to specialize in this particular dish: the rookie who can barely make the drop at Teahupoo, looks as graceful and sure-footed as a new born foal at J-Bay and gets lost in the glare of the headlights at Pipeline.

That might be unfair to Kanoa, who has said he wants results at Teahupoo and Pipe, where he is not expected to do well. Wanting to do well though, and doing well are two different things, especially at waves where there are no shortcuts to mastery.

Has he been there, put the hours in? I can’t find any video evidence to say either way. Most of the video of Igarashi seems to have been shot when he was a kid and looked like a cartoon character of a small forest animal. Maybe this kid is carved from harder timber than he looks but at the moment and until proven otherwise he looks like wounded gazelle on the savannah.

#6 Davey Cathels, Australia

Let’s play word association. First word that comes to mind. No cheating, no googling.

Davey Cathels.
Davey Cathels.
Davey Cathels.

Get anything? Ring any bells?

Any mental images come to mind? Nah, me neither.

All I could come up with is a tow headed kid from North Narrabeen that did alright at an Oakley pro junior a few years back, friends with Laura Enever. Thats a problem for young Davey. Pro surfing is much closer to rock and roll wrestling than NFL.

Judges aren’t automatons. They are feeling, subjective beings, prone to error, bias, and most importantly, entanglement in the surf culture, where decisions about who is ripping are made routinely, unconsciously, decisively.

First rule of Pro Surfing: a sellable story, a personality, an image that engages, moves product and gets eyeballs on monitors matters far more than any physical stat unless your name is Bede Durbidge. Highest examples: Craig Anderson, Rob Machado.

Judges aren’t automatons. They are feeling, subjective beings, prone to error, bias, and most importantly, entanglement in the surf culture, where decisions about who is ripping are made routinely, unconsciously, decisively.

Davey needs to insert himself into that stream, bust down the door a little and then see where the momentum takes him. Even if his image is no image he needs to sell it, or remain a regional talent.

#7 Mikey Wright, Australia

Throwback to a time of wild men on tour, some of whom are no longer with us.

And it’s real, not something manufactured by Quik to sell boardshorts. He only needs to follow the template set by brother Owen in 2009. Viz, show no respect to opponents and go big at every occasion.

Forget strategy. Falling is not failing.

If the stars align he could be on tour next year, hopefully as partner and not replacement to his injured brother.