Margaret River
Yeah, it holds size, but no one flies to the other side of the Australian continent to surf Main Break, Margaret River. | Photo: WSL

Parker: “Why the longboard waves?”

Why is the WSL running two of three Australian events at glorified longboard waves?

There’s good surf in Australia, right? A lot of them look to be Malibu level crowd clusterfucks, but I guess that’s to be expected in an island nation where only the coastal areas are habitable. Everyone “surfs,” what constitutes surfing being a matter of perspective.

So why the hell is the WSL running two of three events at glorified longboard waves?

Bad luck they don’t get Snapper at its best, but that’s surfing for you. Can’t dictate mother nature. Margs and Bells, hell, search and search and search, I can’t find evidence that they get any better.

It’s the venues, right? The ability to cart down a shitload of people, plenty of businesses nearby to help suck money into the local economies. I’m assuming sweetheart deals from local councils, or whatever they call them. Lots of chance to grab at cash, “help” the community. Make people aware of drugs. I’m aware of drugs. Aware they’re awesome.

It looks like I’m gonna need my fair share, maybe more than, to make it through this event. Eight hours of uninspired battles. Top turn, cutback, top turn, cutback. Wow, look at that finishing maneuver. Oh no, there’s rocks right there! Whatever will they do?

At least the ladies are looking good. Surf-wise, I mean.

The fairer side of the WSL has come a long way in recent years. Top level is straight killing it. Full commitment, trying their damnedest. Flashes of brilliance that’d’ve been unimaginable not too long ago.

Sure, the talent pool’s still too shallow to stack the entire roster with killers, but that’ll get better with time. Has improved, will continue to. I’m okay with waiting. Tons of little girls getting inspired, the next gen’s gonna be full of murderers.

The men though, jeez… Is everyone just surfing for sevens? Has it really come to this? I thought wave size and length of ride were taken out of the judging criteria. Is there a secret set of rules to which I’m not privy?

The girls are giving 110%. Which is what I want to see. Throwing buckets, hitting steep sections. Trying to win, instead of trying to not lose.

The guys, not so much. Standard fare, mac and cheese with hot dog chunks. I want steak and lobster, damn it!

Let’s compare a wave from different sides of the event. Weston-Webbs’s 7.93 and Igarashi 6.67.

First up is Kanoa, a kid I’ve been riding so hard I’m starting to feel bad about it.

igarashi backhand margs

Really? That’s what you got, that’s what they gave? A 6.67 is enough to win a lot of heats, tossing it out for speed checks and lip bonks is bogus.

Now watch Tatiana.

tww bachhand margs

Committed surfing, a high risk first turn. Igarashi ain’t in the same league.

A 1.26 point difference between the two, nowhere near enough. Tatiana’s score was right on target, judging’s on a sliding scale. A near eight point ride on the women’s side should sit around a six on the men’s. I can handle that.

Kanoa’s wave was a 3. Boring, totally uncritical, the type of shit you see when the judges allow a play it safe mindset. And Kanoa nearly won his heat! What the fuck? Thank goodness Italo grabbed two before the buzzer, shut him down.

But there are countless other timelines where Italian Ferrari didn’t get the score, where a bobble on the face slowed him down a hair, where he was just a little too far outside to get into it.

And that fucking sucks. I don’t care what dimension we’re in, surfing at a level fit for an NSSA explorers event shouldn’t be winning heats. It shouldn’t even be coming close.

0 0 votes
Article Rating
Subscribe
Notify of
guest
32 Comments
Newest
Oldest Most Voted
Tio Sam
Tio Sam
10 years ago

Highly entertaining stuff.

Donny mandible
Donny mandible
10 years ago

This all seems so simple. We just want to see better waves. This is what every corporate wsl meeting should be about. Longer waiting periods, add better locations, remove shitty ones, and whatever else and the money will follow.

MyGFsChinese
MyGFsChinese
10 years ago

No mention of the author’s wife in this article? WTF

Dahaoleformerlyknownasbi0008
Dahaoleformerlyknownasbi0008
10 years ago

Mainbreak reminds me a lot of Popoyo reef. It’s fun but without all the other waves around that area you wouldn’t fly there just for that spot.

Lemmy
Lemmy
10 years ago

Kanoa half-turning his way out the CT. He is literally a boy amongst men.

Huckleberry
Huckleberry
10 years ago

Haven’t been to Margs and a lot of waves at Mainbreak def look a bit burger-y, but brah! JJF says he likes Mainbreak and he’s lighting it up!… Can’t be too too bad a wave eh? That said I like the comp more when the Box is involved as well

david fffff
david fffff
10 years ago

Lakeys is chaos anyway these days, lets comp it up and see good surf. Maybe periscopes will pump

Real Miki Dora
Real Miki Dora
10 years ago

I get if for Bells, but for Margie I don’t… Especially in the light of last year’s event, held in big & hollow rights, very spectacular.

Longrichard
Longrichard
10 years ago
Reply to  Real Miki Dora

You need to understand that Parker is a real charging surfer. He would ride his Longboard for fun at Main Break rights and hold his high performances for super charged wave – Parker’s on a different level.

NEGATRON
NEGATRON
10 years ago

I would have agreed with you in the past when I was going there regularly. But now that i’m not… It would be the most epic wave for a WSL comp. And the back up venue!!

Kook Dahanamoku
Kook Dahanamoku
10 years ago

They should drop either Bells or Margies and bring back Indonesia. G-Land would be my choice, but Lakeys or Lances would be great. Even Nias. Why is there no comp in Indo?

NEGATRON
NEGATRON
10 years ago

I think the rest of the locations give money to the WSL for the “privilege” to host a event. Indonesia would be the complete opposite. To many backhanders and palms to grease for a business trying its best to be legit.

Richie Collins' Paddling Glove
Richie Collins' Paddling Glove
10 years ago

What about rio?

Kook Dahanamoku
Kook Dahanamoku
10 years ago

Drop that too. If they must have a South American stop at least put it on the Pacific side.

Tom House
Tom House
10 years ago

It’s becoming clear that the people who are hardest on pro surfing are the people who have the most unrealistic expectations of it as a sport.

this is as good as it gets. this is as good as it will ever get. 2-week waiting periods. marquee waves. near-perfect webcasts. watch on your TV, your laptop, your phone. if this isn’t fun for you, why watch?

i should add — i don’t really care that much for comp surfing myself.

Tom House
Tom House
10 years ago

Did you not watch the event last year? Giant righthand barrels at Main Break.

CHANCHO
CHANCHO
10 years ago
Reply to  Tom House

Ok so did you not watch North Point fucking firing in the bay right next to main break during the same event ? Rory’s right, there’s a problem with Bells and Margs (it’s like saying we’re gonna have a CT in Canggu, but holding it at Oldmans instead of Rivermouth…), and I will ad to that Rio, Peniche which pretty shitty too

Tom House
Tom House
10 years ago
Reply to  CHANCHO

Calm down Chancho. The point is that Main Break ain’t exactly a mushy a longboard wave if guys are getting big barrels.

CHANCHO
CHANCHO
10 years ago
Reply to  Tom House

And if they’re not, like this year ? B.O.R.I.N.G

Shooter McGavin
Shooter McGavin
10 years ago
Reply to  CHANCHO

Actually, north point is a 30min drive from mainbreak

CHANCHO
CHANCHO
10 years ago

Who fucking cares, you got the idea…and 30 minutes is nothing when you’ve travelled several hours

Longrichard
Longrichard
10 years ago

You must be a real charger Parker. Margaret River rights is for Longboards in your world hey. If conditions allow them they’ll run at Box and Nth Point as well – regardless, chargers like parker need more gnarly waves.

janeausten
janeausten
10 years ago

Good Points Rory, but the utter reality is that the event is funded by state governmental bodies (Tourism/ Health) and thus would require KPI’s related to increasing local tourism. Also there is no single spot on that coast that you could drive ?16 semi-trailers of infrastructure up to with better surf. Working on day to day mobility of the event would be optimal but not feasible as that coast is bisected by 2 councils [?counties in American] and dual permits would be needed to allow spectators to get to the contest site through ‘fragile environments’ as well as to have appropriate evacuation plans in the most Nanny of Nanny states.. I suppose that could be done, but why would you bother if you were the organizers, a zillion hours of extra work without any discernible benefit as far as the State Gov’t would be concerned
So it is what it is, just a pity there looks to be no chance of a few sessions at the Box or North. [ps, I’m that thrilled with watching the comp at the moment that I’ve flipped over to BG].

Ghostface Braddah
Ghostface Braddah
10 years ago
Reply to  janeausten

Thank you for the local insight. Makes more sense that they’d choose that venue, and of course it’s funded by gov bodies.

Shooter McGavin
Shooter McGavin
10 years ago
Reply to  janeausten

North point is still within the Augusta – Margaret River shire council. I think the main issue is how inconsistently it actually breaks. With the current forecast, there’s no way that they will, or could have run any heats out there this year

bitter guy
bitter guy
10 years ago

Janice and Gayleen are gonna be pissed, these are supposedly the USA’s best surfers. and how can you call the WA Windansea a “longboard wave”? this is the WA Tourmaline St. goddammit!

wally
wally
10 years ago

Comparing 2 scores from different heats 4 hours apart seems a bit tough.

Some good heats this morning. JJF carving. Margs does a pretty good job of providing 5 days worth of multiple manoeuvre walls with a punchy lip in all tides for both the men and women. When you are stuck to one designated spot, for legal as well as practical reasons, there are not oodles of breaks that could do better, year in and year out.

dickie toledo
dickie toledo
10 years ago

Hey WSL nobody cares if a boring surfer ‘nails’ his last turn. most of the time it’s knee-high by the end of the wave. judging style would be nice too.

Karl Von Fanningstadt
Karl Von Fanningstadt
10 years ago

Surfing that could fit in nicely with the average at your local beach break should not be rewarded with heat wins…
Also, maybe the Tour can get a permit to put on a contest at Tourmaline…

bitter guy
bitter guy
10 years ago

whoa, hadn’t even read this. spooky.

Black Rubber
Black Rubber
10 years ago

Nailed it.

Fahking Haole
Fahking Haole
10 years ago

While I would tend to agree, moments ago Slater just pulled into a gaping tube at Main Break for his first wave (didn’t make it; got a 1.50)…


32
0
Would love your thoughts, please comment.x
()
x