Yeah, it holds size, but no one flies to the other side of the Australian continent to surf Main Break, Margaret River. | Photo: WSL

Parker: “Why the longboard waves?”

By Rory Parker

9 years ago

Why is the WSL running two of three Australian events at glorified longboard waves?

There’s good surf in Australia, right? A lot of them look to be Malibu level crowd clusterfucks, but I guess that’s to be expected in an island nation where only the coastal areas are habitable. Everyone “surfs,” what constitutes surfing being a matter of perspective.

So why the hell is the WSL running two of three events at glorified longboard waves?

Bad luck they don’t get Snapper at its best, but that’s surfing for you. Can’t dictate mother nature. Margs and Bells, hell, search and search and search, I can’t find evidence that they get any better.

It’s the venues, right? The ability to cart down a shitload of people, plenty of businesses nearby to help suck money into the local economies. I’m assuming sweetheart deals from local councils, or whatever they call them. Lots of chance to grab at cash, “help” the community. Make people aware of drugs. I’m aware of drugs. Aware they’re awesome.

It looks like I’m gonna need my fair share, maybe more than, to make it through this event. Eight hours of uninspired battles. Top turn, cutback, top turn, cutback. Wow, look at that finishing maneuver. Oh no, there’s rocks right there! Whatever will they do?

At least the ladies are looking good. Surf-wise, I mean.

The fairer side of the WSL has come a long way in recent years. Top level is straight killing it. Full commitment, trying their damnedest. Flashes of brilliance that’d’ve been unimaginable not too long ago.

Sure, the talent pool’s still too shallow to stack the entire roster with killers, but that’ll get better with time. Has improved, will continue to. I’m okay with waiting. Tons of little girls getting inspired, the next gen’s gonna be full of murderers.

The men though, jeez… Is everyone just surfing for sevens? Has it really come to this? I thought wave size and length of ride were taken out of the judging criteria. Is there a secret set of rules to which I’m not privy?

The girls are giving 110%. Which is what I want to see. Throwing buckets, hitting steep sections. Trying to win, instead of trying to not lose.

The guys, not so much. Standard fare, mac and cheese with hot dog chunks. I want steak and lobster, damn it!

Let’s compare a wave from different sides of the event. Weston-Webbs’s 7.93 and Igarashi 6.67.

First up is Kanoa, a kid I’ve been riding so hard I’m starting to feel bad about it.

Really? That’s what you got, that’s what they gave? A 6.67 is enough to win a lot of heats, tossing it out for speed checks and lip bonks is bogus.

Now watch Tatiana.

Committed surfing, a high risk first turn. Igarashi ain’t in the same league.

A 1.26 point difference between the two, nowhere near enough. Tatiana’s score was right on target, judging’s on a sliding scale. A near eight point ride on the women’s side should sit around a six on the men’s. I can handle that.

Kanoa’s wave was a 3. Boring, totally uncritical, the type of shit you see when the judges allow a play it safe mindset. And Kanoa nearly won his heat! What the fuck? Thank goodness Italo grabbed two before the buzzer, shut him down.

But there are countless other timelines where Italian Ferrari didn’t get the score, where a bobble on the face slowed him down a hair, where he was just a little too far outside to get into it.

And that fucking sucks. I don’t care what dimension we’re in, surfing at a level fit for an NSSA explorers event shouldn’t be winning heats. It shouldn’t even be coming close.

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Has Wilko mastered pro surfing?

By Chas Smith

9 years ago

"Carves off the lip, little backhand jam now straight up vertical!"

I watched Matt Wilkinson vs. Disco Stu vs. Dusty Payne last night and found myself quite thoroughly bored. The waves looked fun enough but only the best of the sets were ridden making it a sluggish affair. Dusty bagged a two wave total of 7.60, Disco a not much better 9.17 and Matthew took the heat with a pedestrian 12.67. It made me wonder if the World Surf League should pay acrobats to surf the smaller waves that go unridden. Maybe Zoltan Torkos? Aaron Gorkin Cormican? How much fun would we have watching the sideshow?

In any case, the most interesting bit was a Wilko “best of…” package that was aired during one of many lulls. It showed the World No. 1 winning heats at Snapper then Bells and I could not tell one wave from another. Every single looked the same or as Joe Turpel said, “Carves off the lip, little backhand jam now straight up vertical!” Or “Throws it up vertical, big jam, throws it up vertical!”

And has he found the magic formula? If he gets his board vertical and snaps it or “jams” it a few times as bookends he will get between a mid 7 and a mid 9. Two mid 7s to mid 9s per heat equals a win. Is it inspiring? Not really. Is it exciting? Sometimes. Is it winning surfing? I guess. It fulfills the letter of the WSL’s speed, power, flow law but does it fulfill its spirit?

If Wilko goes on to win the crown this year, after Adriano’s win last, surfing exactly as he has been will the World Surf League contemplate major rules changes? How should unpredictability be rewarded? The sort of thing that we want to share on our social medias?

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And here we see last year's rookie of the year Italo Ferreira jibbing to a last-minute win against luckless Kanoa Igarashi. | Photo: WSL

Day One: Taj + Wilko’s pure homicide!

By Derek Rielly

9 years ago

Come feel the familiar aching of tension at the Drug Aware Margaret River Pro!

What a cut-throat savage Taj Burrow is. Did you see the way the almost 38-year-old twanged with excitement in the opening heat of the Margaret River Pro, the one that’s drug aware?

If you missed it, you may watch the oddly electric marvel here. Jeremy Flores experienced a few moments of transient joy in the heat, Alex Ribeiro not so many. Both were left to make anguished sounds as they trudged back to the carpark.

Italo Ferreira took to the air like a frisbee!

Julian Wilson stomped a raucous flamenco and the judges duly nibbled at his earlobes.

Matt Wilkinson might appear to be enjoying an interior chuckle every time he’s interviewed, but in the water he’s an alley fighter. His glare is pure homicide. He’ll tear someone’s fucking head off if he even gets close to a title!

Matt Banting is a very good surfer whose style resembles an overly courteous waiter constantly bending over your table inquiring, in annoying tones, if everything is alright. He was sent to the showers by Nat Young despite an almost-nine, one of the highest scores of the day.

Do you think Gabriel Medina writes notes on pink paper and encloses them in perfumed envelopes? But who can ignore Gabriel’s bludgeon strokes and the way he blitzed the Australian and the historically significant Italian?

Who will dagger a fingernail down our spines tomorrow? Let’s watch Dawn Patrol at seven am!

Drug Aware Margaret River Pro Men’s Round 1 Results:
Heat 1: Taj Burrow (AUS) 16.34, Jeremy Flores (FRA) 16.10, Alex Ribeiro (BRA) 5.43
Heat 2: Julian Wilson (AUS) 17.10, Adam Melling (AUS) 15.47, Kai Otton (AUS) 12.06
Heat 3: Matt Wilkinson (AUS) 12.67, Stuart Kennedy (AUS) 9.17, Dusty Payne (HAW) 7.60
Heat 4: Italo Ferreira (BRA) 15.67, Kanoa Igarashi (USA) 14.54, Jack Robinson (AUS) 9.70
Heat 5: Gabriel Medina (BRA) 16.70, Leonardo Fioravanti (ITA) 12.27, Davey Cathels (AUS) 10.16
Heat 6: Adriano de Souza (BRA) 13.10, Jacob Willcox (AUS) 12.40, Keanu Asing (HAW) 10.64
Heat 7: Michel Bourez (PYF) 14.14, Jordy Smith (ZAF) 14.04, Alejo Muniz (BRA) 13.13
Heat 8: Nat Young (USA) 15.93, Matt Banting (AUS) 15.53, Caio Ibelli (BRA) 14.60
Heat 9: Joel Parkinson (AUS) 12.84, Conner Coffin (USA) 11.26, Ryan Callinan (AUS) 10.50

Drug Aware Margaret River Pro Men’s Remaining Round 1 Match-Ups:
Heat 10: Kelly Slater (USA), Kolohe Andino (USA), Miguel Pupo (BRA)
Heat 11: John John Florence (HAW), Adrian Buchan (AUS), Sebastian Zietz (HAW)
Heat 12: Wiggolly Dantas (BRA), Josh Kerr (AUS), Jadson Andre (BRA)

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A side-effect of the Melbourne pool, if the artist's rendering is correct, will be the sudden lack of crowds around Torquay every weekend. Such a win and a win! | Photo: Urbn Surf Melbourne

Melbourne Wavepool to cost $18.5 Mill!

By Derek Rielly

9 years ago

And the exact street address? Want to know where it is?

Yesterday morning, inland surfers from Melbourne, Australia, awoke to terrific news.

The Wave Park Group, users of Wavegarden technology, chose Tullamarine, that bleak airport suburb just under twenty clicks from the city, as the site for their first Australian Wavepool.

Clearly, this is the greatest thing Melbourne surfers have ever heard. Can you imagine living under a permanent layer of cloud, miles, hours, from ridable waves, your life squandered in cafes and restaurants, getting your kicks from watching, admittedly excellent, live music?

Details have been scant thus far, but a phone call to the PR company spruiking the joint, revealed these details:

It’ll cost $18.5 mill to build (the money raised privately) on a seven hectare site (with a thirty-year lease) that, right now, is the home to the Melbourne Airport Club, just across the road from the Essendon football club.

The address is 309 Melrose Dr, Tullamarine, if y’wondering. Click here to see what it looks like at the moment.

The company claims there’ll be 300 jobs created during the build, 45 full-time when it opens in late 2017.

The pool will fill almost four hectares.

Sixty eight surfers can ride the pool every year, divided into “16 advanced level surfers, 8 intermediate level surfers and 44 beginner level surfers.”

The company “intends to source 100% of its power requirements from renewable sources.”

Costwise, they’re not a hundred per cent sure what the sting’s gonna be. Depends how it works out.

The tank in Wales, Surf Snowdonia, hits “advanced surfers” with 45 quid an hour or $US65 and Melbourne’ll probably charge something similar.

A bargain?

Yeah it is, when it saves the Victorian surfer four hours on the road to maybe find wind-blown junk in fifty degree water.

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Official: The Death of Surf!

By Chas Smith

9 years ago

Retail giant PacSun files for bankruptcy!

Are you good at business? I’m not. Ideas, magical ideas, ping off the inside of my skull all night long. Each one worth a million dollars. Two even. They cross all manner of industries, from toys to special hairbrushes to a pocket knife that doubles as a vape pen.

In the morning, when the sun shines harsh, I realize they are all very terrible plans and I am destined to blog/write the great unfinished surf novel. It gives me some measure of comfort though to know that PacSun executives are also bad at business. The surf wear retailer filed for bankruptcy today and few tears were shed. The Los Angeles Times reports:

Beachy teen retailer Pacific Sunwear of California Inc. used to be the place to go for surf and skate apparel.

But on Thursday, the Anaheim apparel company commonly known as PacSun filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy protection, the latest in a string of California teen activewear retailers that have struggled to adapt to changing fashion trends.

Those companies have been plagued by the same issues facing many apparel companies — the move toward online shopping instead of bricks-and-mortar stores, and the popularity of so-called fast fashion retailers, which quickly cycle through new looks and stay up-to-date with the latest styles.

“Fast fashion is killing these guys,” said Paula Rosenblum, an analyst with Retail Systems Research. “If the surf look is not in, you’ve got to pivot to another brand of styling.”

And there you have it. Surf = California Pizza Kitchen + Eddie Bauer. A smarter business man than I, and one engaged in the industry, said:

Let’s see…Publicly traded company that required unsustainable double digit growth to feed the beast. At some point the masses don’t need more surf shit and Pac Sun could simply no longer force feed it to the mainstream. This is actually the second time around where they found themselves trying to adapt to a more urban consumer because surf went soft. Happened in the mid 90’s as well.

In many ways, PacSun is the bloated poster child for the whole US surf industry: Out of touch with the core consumer, too many products, poor quality products, terrible branding, too many store fronts, etc. They also do these super cheesy private label lines that they rip off the design from the other brands and sell it at a price point. Full train wreck.

From the actual bankruptcy filings. In PacSun’s opinion, “the action sports segment of the retail industry, around which the company’s early success centered, is no longer as relevant as it had previously been.”

Maybe it’s just the big box retailer/PacSun model is no longer relevant?

Hope springs eternal! But do you know what the great Michael Tomson, founder of Gotcha and More Core Division told me? He said, “I used to think the surf industry was a boulevard of broken dreams. Now I think it’s becoming a mass burial site.”

Would you like to invest in my company? It makes pocket knives that double as vape pens.

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