fake cancer scam
Maybe you, like me, kinda dug the theatre of the scamming, the heart-melting stories. It cost me fifty bucks but I believe, money well spent.

Surf Writer’s Fake Cancer Scam!

BeachGrit bamboozled in theatrical fake cancer stunt!

Well, this is embarrassing. Very embarassing. Like one of those dreams where you’re back in seventh grade and you’re butt naked and all the kids are calling you “shrimp dick.” Only you’re not gonna wake up and feel a terrible sense of relief, because it’s not a fucking dream.

Remember Michael Kocher, the guy wrote a few pieces for your beloved BG somewhere around a year ago?

He talked about being a marine, quitting surfing to sell heroin and his struggle with terminal cancer. 

We linked to his GoFundMe account and some of you donated cash to help him with bills. I didn’t, couldn’t see the point of helping a dying man avoid debt. Hardly a problem, is it?

So, anyway, yeah, it was all bullshit.

Kocher is a cunning junkie, used everyone’s inherent decency to play the “I’m dying” card, and soaked people for some cash he could spend on his habit.

I called Kocher, currently hiding out in a hotel somewhere in Colorado, to ask him just exactly what the fuck he was thinking. Fun conversation, for all his supposed contrition it was just more narcissistic bobbing and weaving. Always trying to deflect blame, reframe the narrative.

You can listen to the half hour plus of audio HERE (The first few minutes of audio are kind of garbled, but it clears up.)

As far as BeachGrit’s culpability in the whole affair, man, I don’t even know what to say. We helped him spread his bullshit, he linked to our site on his GoFundMe page. I always suspected he was lying, didn’t say anything because I didn’t want to be the guy who calls a cancer patient a liar. But I should have. When his stories didn’t add up. When I had a million reasons to doubt his line, I kept quiet. And in doing so became party to his scam.

Which is what bothers me most about the affair. I rarely hesitate to call people out, but I didn’t this time because it might’ve made me look bad. Which was a fucking pussy move. One of which I’m a bit ashamed. Not in a rend-my-clothes-and-slit-my-wrists-way, but it’s a hard lesson learned.

As far as everyone else, people who donated, don’t feel bad. Being compassionate, wanting to help a person in need, that’s a good thing. Sure, there are predators out there who will take advantage, but not many. Which is what makes it so easy for them.

Seriously, who the fuck lies about having cancer?

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Christopher Formulak
Christopher Formulak
10 years ago

You did a great job slowly poking at him. And he was eating up the attention. He seemed upset for the call to be over. I’m sure he would have loved to talk and talk about himself all night long. Or until he needed his next fix.

Tom House
Tom House
10 years ago

People from BG gave $$ to this guy? Jeezus, based on the articles and behavior in the comment section I assumed most of you were ravenous wolves, desperate to claw others down in the name of clicks and up votes, not the softie type that extends a hand. I guess I was wrong. I’m tearing up.

Audit In Progress
Audit In Progress
10 years ago

I wanna know how you tracked this all down, Rory. A surfish Murder She Wrote!

Abscessed Llama
Abscessed Llama
10 years ago

“Its crazy what you did!” The question remains. If this is the real journalism, which I think you guys do consider yourselves journalist/writers…Then why was his story and condition not fact checked? Seeing pop ups and every time I click in the wrong spot taking me to Banks home page. This is a for profit operation. Somebody dropped the ball! With this coming to light is Beach Grit any different than Sustainable Surf in the prose of past post condemning their niche?

DrunkenAngel
DrunkenAngel
10 years ago

BG. real journalism? i think you took the same drugs.

Abscessed Llama
Abscessed Llama
10 years ago
Reply to  DrunkenAngel

Wish i could blame all my deficits and miss perceptions on extra curricular activities O’l DA.. The fact is I can only blame myself.. Staring in the mirror I find it difficult to not walk away shaking my head.

Michael A Kocher
Michael A Kocher
10 years ago

GoFundMe is giving full refunds and coming after me for full restitution and interest, along with fraud charges. Which is how it should be. I don’t defend what I did at all.

Rory is still a dick for trying to get me to name people’s names on that recording. I understand trying to get me to incriminate myself, but why try and fuck people who didn’t do anything by tying them to this?

Rory Parker
Rory Parker
10 years ago

Ha!

I love that you still think you’re in a position to determine what’s right and what’s wrong.

I know you’re not really gonna turn yourself in, better stop posting and start running. Plenty of people looking to drop the dime on your ass.

Michael A Kocher
Michael A Kocher
10 years ago
Reply to  Rory Parker

I’ll check in on Facebook from the jail. You can then do an inmate search for Denver County this evening.

Ghostface Braddah
Ghostface Braddah
10 years ago

I hope you get the help that you need.

janeausten
janeausten
10 years ago

so did that happen?

Michael A Kocher
Michael A Kocher
10 years ago
Reply to  janeausten

Yes it happened. Then I got out. :/

Zach Makki
Zach Makki
10 years ago

Don’t know you at all but wow man you know people die from cancer and every cent you took as a donation could of been used to save someone’s life? Not only did you scam people over in my eyes what you did is almost murder, pretty much the lowest fucking thing I person can do dude.

Michael A Kocher
Michael A Kocher
10 years ago
Reply to  Zach Makki

I don’t disagree. I did a really awful fucking thing.

dickhaloren
dickhaloren
10 years ago

I don’t get it. So your cancer got cured? Don’t let ANY of these clowns here tell you that you DIDN’T have cancer. God has great things in store for you friend! Enjoy.

NEGATRON
NEGATRON
10 years ago
Reply to  dickhaloren

Read the article again…

dickhaloren
dickhaloren
10 years ago
Reply to  NEGATRON

I was being fatuous.

NEGATRON
NEGATRON
10 years ago
Reply to  dickhaloren

Thank fuck! We don’t need anymore mentally challenged commentators…

Bragu Moy
Bragu Moy
10 years ago
Reply to  NEGATRON

Ah ah this coming from guys that got scammed out of $… too funny!

bitter guy
bitter guy
10 years ago

fuck crowdfunding, its only good for getting the next underfinanced Zack Braff film made. this “feel sorry for me” stuff has so much potential for abuse.

“I always suspected he was lying, didn’t say anything because I didn’t want to be the guy who calls a cancer patient a liar.”

and junkies can smell an angle like that from further than they can smell dope cooking in a spoon. its rife with shit like this, we just know this kook cause he surfed.

theflyingpeanut
theflyingpeanut
10 years ago

I think the biggest kick in the balls is that I sent that prick some money while I was still paying off my own cancer debts.

Proof that there’s no room for sentimentality on the internet. Lesson learned.

Ghostface Braddah
Ghostface Braddah
10 years ago

Mahalo for your generosity. It still means something positive in your life.

Trogan Fan
Trogan Fan
10 years ago

Remember about 3 or 4 months ago when you reposted his story and I said “I don’t think he’s really dying”? Yeah, me too.

bitter guy
bitter guy
10 years ago
Reply to  Trogan Fan

i appreciate your willingness to call em like you see em and take the flak for it. more people like you would make this shit harder to pull, but most people don’t want to look like a dick.

Ole' dirty shaper
Ole' dirty shaper
10 years ago

So I’m not the biggest scumbag ever? Ok cool.

Anthony Arturo Leone
Anthony Arturo Leone
10 years ago

my old boss lied about having cancer to get laid at a bar, while he had a girlfriend. full shaved head, eyebrows, the works for faking going through chemo. after working 80hrs a week and sleeping under my editing desk while this prick was out doing shit like this he accused me of being on meth since i worked so much. fuck people like that. you know how many hospital visits ive sat through with family members going through actual chemo?

bitter guy
bitter guy
10 years ago

his girl doesn’t sound like the sharpest tool in the shed

Abscessed Llama
Abscessed Llama
10 years ago
Reply to  bitter guy

She might have shaved his eyebrows..

Jessica Callender
Jessica Callender
10 years ago

We knew he was lying and we looked like the assholes that called out a “cancer patient.”
But he did more terrible things! To so many people. Feeding young girls drugs until they blacked out or couldnt stand and taking advantage of them, taking advantage of his “bestfriends”. That’s what hurt the worst. He was supposed to be my bestfriend. This dude is huge by the way, he was supposed to protect me. & instead he took advantage of a situation and stabbed his bestfriend in the back.
I always had doubts about his character, but have such a hard time believing that somebody could be so fucking evil.
I guess let this be a lesson.. you could be friends with somebody for 25 years, and they could still fool you.
I just want him to go back to Alaska already. He’s done enough damage here!!!!!
I hope you read this. You’re such a shit person & I trusted you.

Tom
Tom
10 years ago

Equally as uncool as the fake cancer. To burn friends after 25 years!!!
Seriously you have to wonder WTF is going on in this world

Jessica Callender
Jessica Callender
10 years ago
Reply to  Tom

Yeah I definitely didn’t mean to say it like what I was saying was worse than the fake cancer because it’s all shitty. I’m glad he’s behind bars and everyone is getting their money back.

Travis Bible
Travis Bible
10 years ago

I am a sucker too Rory, but I was too far removed to donate. It takes a special kind of sick to pull the fake cancer card. Lying seems like second nature to him. Drugs suck. It’s a shame too, some of his writing was damn good. A Dora-eque scam for the ages…

Michael A Kocher
Michael A Kocher
10 years ago
Reply to  Travis Bible

Oddly, my thought process was similar. From Dora to Billabong and Quiksilver surfing, scamming and drugs go hand in hand. How are people shocked?

StokeMoocher
StokeMoocher
10 years ago

Dear BeachGrit,

You have a large cash reward waiting for you in a money marketing account at the Bank of Lagos. Please email me your checking account number, routing number, social security number and your PIN.
Love,

The internets

p.s. Grow a brain cell. Dumb asses.

Floret Jon
Floret Jon
10 years ago

Yassss karma is going to fuck this guy so hard.

The Bitchy Crab
The Bitchy Crab
10 years ago

…I’m thrilled the theatrical Mr Kocher isn’t dying! He takes us on such a ride!

longtom
longtom
10 years ago

I thought his cancer piece was shit, but didn’t say anything, because who wants to be the cunt to kick a dying man in the figs. I’m kind of half fascinated, half horrified he pulled it off.
There does to be something deeply emblematic of the times we live in in this tale.
Any chance of getting any of the dough back?

Richie Collins' Paddling Glove
Richie Collins' Paddling Glove
10 years ago
Reply to  longtom

That’s sort of how I feel about my stabmag subscription since they sold out to Stitch.. cunts

Lemmy
Lemmy
10 years ago

Your first mistake was subscribing

Richie Collins' Paddling Glove
Richie Collins' Paddling Glove
10 years ago
Reply to  Lemmy

Then I doubled down and told you cunts about it.. yep, I brought this on myself..

NEGATRON
NEGATRON
10 years ago

Solid interview Rory. And I want my $50 back + interest Kocher.

Michael A Kocher
Michael A Kocher
10 years ago
Reply to  NEGATRON

From what I understand you’re getting it back and I’m going to pay the interest in more charges!

NEGATRON
NEGATRON
10 years ago

Yip, by all accounts I’ll get my $$ back thanks to the “scammed by Kocher support group”!!
Entertaining from this end to say the least, but fucking glad you’re not family, foe or friend.

Michael A Kocher
Michael A Kocher
10 years ago
Reply to  NEGATRON

Nah, its because my friend’s older sister, who I’ve known for 25 years, reported me for fraud. That group is predominantly a bunch of people from the internet with a bone to pick.

Regardless, I apologize for deceiving you and I hope life goes smoothly for you.

Gavrilo Princip
Gavrilo Princip
10 years ago

Definition of a cunt.

Fahking Haole
Fahking Haole
10 years ago

That does it: no more rides for Trustafarian hitch hikers to Kalalau for me…

Audit In Progress
Audit In Progress
10 years ago

Oh my.

He does write well though.

Unless it was plagiarized, I guess.

Michael A Kocher
Michael A Kocher
10 years ago

It wasn’t.


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