New evidence comes to light suggesting Kelly Slater and friends are up to tricks!
Yesterday I posted a meaningless story about Gab Medina being “featured” on ESPN. It was a waste of my time and a waste of yours but at least you got funny in the comments. I can’t remember who first brought it up, maybe Lemmy, maybe Karl Von Fanningstadt, maybe Wiggs, maybe Hipster Krypster* but the discussion turned to the greatest thing Kelly Slater ever put his name on. The early 2000s classic video game Kelly Slater’s Pro Surfer!
Don’t you remember? You could be Donny Frankenreiter with a steezy bottom turn, Kalani Robb, Bruce Irons, Kelly of course…maybe Tony Hawk? I can’t recall, exactly, but I played it for many hours even thought the soundtrack was god awful. I could do lots of high scoring combo airs and stay in the barrel forever, balancing just right.
And that barrel. I hadn’t thought about it in forever but….and the realization hit me like a ton of bricks….I felt like I had just seen it. But where?
Oh yeah. The second greatest thing Kelly Slater ever put his name on. Look and compare!
Uncanny? Too Uncanny? Kelly, what aren’t you telling us? Either you had this wave pool all invented up and were shredding it back in the early 2000s or it ain’t real at all. Which is it? The people (Lemmy, Karl, Krypster and Wiggs) demand answers!
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Just remember Mike Ho did it first
Yo Chas, why don’t you print these guys a run of BG rashies with “I’M A LOT COOLER ON THE INTERNET” written on the back?
Hahaha mate he is trying to stall with his early 2000 gangsta boardies and go deeeep….. Or he is getting super primed about to boost with a gross early grab!? Or maybe computer programmers know less about surfing than Caveira knows about his clone.
Was Gaybrielle shaving his armpits back in the early 2000s as well?
what will kelly unveil this winter? you know the morning after little ole stout italo wins the world title.
Hair.
you try squeezing into a knee high florida tube, you’ll be damn near lying back down tryin to milk it so badly
one of spots is the wave pool in japan. of course this has always been in the works and im sure he was always the first on the call to any ground breaking technology when pools were kind of/still are emerging.
You’re finally as stoned as I am…and the people who hired you to write this…lol…video game shit! #Truth #ThisPoolDoesNotExist
You are still way more stoned if you think anyone hired me to write this……
God came to you and asked you to did he not? Obviously for free. God doesn’t pay per word.
hahahah…he pays in virgins
gotta love the wahabis, not only do you get a grip of women that you own, they aren’t those nasty ones with the well-used cunts either
If we’re getting a virgin per word we may as well set our bedrooms up at Heaven’s blood bank and keep the good deeds flowing.
Unforunately Chas gets the virgins for your words. One per 1000 dependent on upvotes. All you get is a listing in Nick Dee and the CIA’s database. ASIO’s also but don’t worry they couldn’t find their own office if it didn’t have the name written on it.
Trolls having feelings too you know Wincy!
The only conspiracy here is how three guys in the world do nothing but smoke weed, play kelly’s game and blast brazzos. Were doing something right boys.
4 guys ,edit.
Yes, we need answers!! Unlike most other conspiracy theories, this one might actually have legs… wait, you mentioned me in a post?!… twice?! *euphorically puffs inhaler* … *dies*
P.s. (from the ether): yes, that qualified as a top three life highlight, along with breaking the 8 mil point barrier in KSPS and meeting Tony Gwynn… It bumped down meeting Lisa Ann to number 4.
Conspiracy theory is that Kelly just owns a shrink ray. The wave is 6 in. ( Pounding on door) they’ve come for me…..stab suuuuuuuucks ( fading away.)
Haha thanks for reminding me what a sad existence this is! It’s gotten to the point where if I’m watching a WSL comp and they say “Wiggolly” my ears prick up. C’mon Ronnie call him the Prince of Ubatuba or comment on his paddling style just once so I can die a happy man.
While i was involved in the convo i recieve no credit, but I still stand by my claim that shooting the Sebastian pier and surfing right thru the inlet in to monster hole was the shit.
I was trying to find an image of barreling into the pier because that is the real one for one. And I’m editing story to give you rightful place among the conspiracy of dunces.
I’m just fuckin around but your spot on i just thought about that? The visual is EXACT?
Minus the pack of ballparks on the back of his head…
What about this?
That’s it!
As an Oregon man, could you please write an article about the merits of wearing underwear or being nude under a wet suit? I am a fierce proponent of the latter. I feel a duty to surfing to identify people who adopt the former method as kooks.
Naked = correct. Swimwear/speedos = dork. Tight underwear/briefs = kook. Boxers = requires termination. Is that fair?
The rules are probably different for the ladies. I never see any going bareback under their wetties, and I gawp. A lot.
I agree 100%
Loin cloth = master
Sebastian Inlet?
right? gotta go left at first peak to wind up at Monster Hole. with six bucktails stuck in your face and a cast net draped over ya.
you got it mixed up bud. the inlet is north of the pier, monster hole south. he’d be coming from the hole into the inlet. also airing the pier was the cool way to do it, newb.
Pretty sure there was a mode to go left as well might have been a a cheat,I was a transworld surf guy myself.
Fuck! Mate you gave Chris Cote money! Fuck!
Well i liked being cory lopez. So fuck!