Laird Hamilton reveals his 10-point plan for eternal life here!
Students of history will fondly recall Richard “Dick” Nixon, if not for his near satanic obsession with power then for his near satanic obsession with power. Such comedy! Who could ever forget his “last” news conference? After losing California’s gubernatorial race, 7 years before being elected President, he let the sour grapes loose, sat down before the press corp and attacked them for fifteen minutes before ending, famously, with the line, “You don’t have Nixon to kick around any more, because, gentlemen, this is my last press conference.”
It literally does not get funnier. And the day he died, in 1994, was sad because it became less funny to make fun of him though Hunter S. Thompson tried, writing:
Richard Nixon is gone now, and I am poorer for it. He was the real thing — a political monster straight out of Grendel and a very dangerous enemy. He could shake your hand and stab you in the back at the same time. He lied to his friends and betrayed the trust of his family. Not even Gerald Ford, the unhappy ex-president who pardoned Nixon and kept him out of prison, was immune to the evil fallout. Ford, who believes strongly in Heaven and Hell, has told more than one of his celebrity golf partners that “I know I will go to hell, because I pardoned Richard Nixon.
Alright but not his best work. The foil needs to be alive for it to really pop. In any case, I was very much dreading the day Laird Hamilton dies because I feel he is the greatest punching bag the surf world has ever known. From Strapped to the hydrofoil to GolfBort the hilarious train just don’t stop!
So you could imagine my glorious astonishment when I read today that he is not, in fact, going to die. He is going to live forever!
And through reading today’s The Los Angeles Times’ story Surfing Icon Laird Hamilton Shares his 10-Point Plan to Live Forever maybe you and I can make fun forever too! Let’s tuck in:
Perpetual youth is a whimsical notion suited to screen writers and 16th century Spanish explorers but a career requirement for Laird Hamilton. In the ocean as many as five hours most days, the inventor of tow-in big-wave surfing, modern-day stand-up paddleboarding and hydrofoil surfing uses a unique diet and training regimen to maintain a chiseled fitness that astonishingly belies his 51 years.
Here, the father of three explains why he hasn’t had a drop of alcohol in a decade, heartily devours fat, hangs upside-down with regularity, pals around with an 83-year-old for inspiration — and keeps searching for the Next Big Thing.
1. Forget age. Just keep driving the car: I take better care of myself today not as an accommodation to age but to maintain continual high levels of performance and just to feel good. I have a friend, Don Wildman, who’s 83 years old — and the guy’s an absolute stud who works out with weights, mountain bikes, paddles, surfs every day. Don’s a living example of what it’s like when you just keep driving the car.
The fact is that alcohol doesn’t taste good anyway. The reason people drink is to have some sort of sensation, right? So if you’re not into that sensation, it’s a waste of time. It’s a discipline thing too. My mom once said to me, ‘If you can’t be true to yourself, you can’t be true to anyone else.’ As proof to myself that I had the willpower, I don’t do it. Bottom line: If you want your rocket to fly, you put rocket fuel in it. I want to be able to do certain things at a certain level. I like the way I feel. On a daily basis, I feel better not drinking.
Uh oh…. I’m out. You can hit 3-10 here though and carry the baton for the both of us. To infinity and beyond!