Does Meola make you feel slow and gobby and sticky
on a wave too?
Some folks, notably the multi-instrumentalist
Prince Rogers, get their kicks from Percocet and its family of
opioids. Others, like Maui’s Matt Meola, are hungry for whipping
the tail of their surfboard, and of soaring beyond the
pontoons.
This edit by Meola, cut to Rogers’ old hit Purple
Rain, from the 1984 album of the same name, and ranked 143rd
in Rolling Stones magazine’s 500 Best Songs of All Time, makes me
feel like glue on a wave, gluey and stuck and slow and gobby.
Due to the severity of his injury Jimbo gets a pass on
the, frankly, deplorable diatribe he unleashed on first responders
transporting him to the hospital. Fair enough, the blood loss
associated with limb loss would fuck up anyone. His ability to
remain ambulatory long after having his left arm torn from his body
by a passing tow truck is indicative of severe shock. Or just being
the toughest craziest motherfucker alive. But that's not a legal
argument.
In our last instalmentwe saw two of
three doctors state that Harrison Ford is wrong. The one armed man
was not responsible!
Due to the severity of his injury Jimbo gets a pass on the,
frankly, deplorable diatribe he unleashed on first responders
transporting him to the hospital. Fair enough, the blood loss
associated with limb loss would fuck up anyone. His ability to
remain ambulatory long after having his left arm torn from his body
by a passing tow truck is indicative of severe shock. Or just being
the toughest craziest motherfucker alive. But that’s not a legal
argument.
“’As part of the plea agreement, Pellegrine was acquitted of two
felony counts of terroristic threatening — a class C felony — in
the first degree after two out of three doctors concluded that his
volitional and cognitive controls were impaired with the loss of
his arm’, said Michael Soong, Pellegrine’s attorney.”
“’It’s a legal dilemma, a conundrum as they say,’ Breiner said.
‘Certainly police thought that they required a warrant, otherwise
they wouldn’t have requested one from the judge. And separately,
they decided the hell with it, because there’s this statute that
says we can do this.’”
The final result of Jimbo’s plea deal landed him a $94 fine and
thirty days in jail for “reckless driving of a vehicle and driving
without a license — both petty misdemeanors.”
Because Pellegrine already spent more than a month locked up
Judge Kathleen Watanabe is considering his time served. As long as
he pays the $94 he can put the entire situation behind him and
return to his life of… well, I’m not exactly sure what it is he
does.
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Just in: John John takes Rio!
By Chas Smith
A blonde on blonder final!
John John Florence has just won the Oi Rio Pro
again. It is again, right? He won last year, yeah? And what about
Brazil, do you think, turns it on for him? Do you think the
pressure just drains away in those warm samba nights?
I was actually cheering for his competition, Jack “Mother of
Dragons” Freestone. Yesterday I posted his pic on Instagram and
captioned it Mother of Dragons. He gave me an ok emoji and
“haha” and then added “Mother of dragons, hopefully father of the
Oi Rio Pro.”
Any surfer with a sense of humor is tops in my book. And look at
how close he got. Second place! Step-father of the Oi Rio Pro!
Congrats to both and more detailed analysis soon.
But watch final here!
Watch post-final show!
Oi Rio Pro Men’s Final Results:
1 – John John Florence (HAW) 18.97
2 – Jack Freestone (AUS) 16.13
Oi Rio Pro Men’s Semifinal Results:
SF 1: John John Florence (HAW) 18.73 def. Adriano de Souza (BRA)
12.66
SF 2: Jack Freestone (AUS) 16.50 def. Gabriel Medina (BRA)
14.67
Oi Rio Pro Men’s Quarterfinal Results:
QF 1: John John Florence (HAW) 15.17 def. Dusty Payne (HAW)
8.50
QF 2: Adriano de Souza (BRA) 12.97 def. Davey Cathels (AUS)
10.00
QF 3: Jack Freestone (AUS) 12.50 def. Miguel Pupo (BRA) 11.60
QF 4: Gabriel Medina (BRA) 15.77 def. Adam Melling (AUS) 6.00
Oi Rio Pro Men’s Remaining Round 5 Results:
Heat 4: Adam Melling (AUS) 10.80 def. Michel Bourez (PYF) 10.00
2016 Samsung Galaxy Top 5 (after Oi Rio
Pro):
Matt Wilkinson (AUS) 24,500 pts
Italo Ferreira (BRA) 18,750 pts
John John Florence (HAW) 18,700 pts
Sebastian Zietz (HAW) 17,500 pts
Caio Ibelli (BRA) 17,200 pts
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Blood Feud: Sunny Garcia vs. Surfing!
By Chas Smith
A Blood Feud custom made for today!
Some mornings I wakey wakey eggs and bakey and
nothing has happened in our surf world. Nothing at all. Maybe Shane
Dorian’s super cute kids did something cute but that’s it.
Other mornings I wakey wakey eggs and bakey and Surfing
magazine’s online editor Brendan Buckley has posted a story titled
Sunny Garcia Hates Me and Sunny Garcia has responded
directly on his Instagram with an added bonus of Joel Tudor
weighing in and the Mother of Dragons is in the final against John
John Florence guaranteeing that Futures Fins is beginning the
greatest (fingers crossed) streak in sporting history (2x champ and
counting) with the wild hopes of unseating previously 11x unbeaten
in a row (can you even believe?) FCS.
I love Shane Dorian’s kids but these other mornings are
better.
And let’s tuck in. First here’s Brendan on
SurfingMagazine.com:
Gabriel Medina landed an air at the Oi Rio Pro earlier
today. It was a great air, a 10. Jimmicane snapped a photo of it
and we decided to run it on Instagram. I was given the
responsibility of captioning it. “Power surfing makes heats.
Progressive surfing makes memories. Gabriel Medina just landed an
air worth remembering at the Oi Rio Pro.”
And that’s when Sunny Garcia hated me.
“…I bet whoever wrote this quote sucks ass at at surfing
anyway [fist emoticon]. Good surfing is always remembered your Mag
sucks now that Flame is not there”
“don’t get me wrong I love watching guys do airs but saying
power surfing makes heats and airs make memories lol give me a
break the person that wrote this is a kook”
Sunny is a power surfing god, guru, goliath and more. I love
the way he rides waves and I respect him like I respect my father.
And I wholeheartedly respect his opinion. But I’ll stand by
mine.
Too many pulled punches at the end? Yes! But Brendan is a
wonderful human being, handsome, funny, kind and more. I love the
way he writes and I enjoy reading him like I enjoy my father etc.
and you can read the rest of his opinion herebut
let us now move on to Sunny who took to Instagram this morning and
wrote:
Had a long day yesterday and made some comments about power
surfing on @surfingmagazine and as always they got twisted lol I’m
a power surfer but I like good surfing by anyone but when a editor
of a Mag says that power surfing wins heats and airs are more
memorable I’m calling him out in it because the truth is incredible
surfing will always be remembered regardless if it’s a air or
@thomasvictorcarroll hack at big Pipe even if I like the later 🙂
Brendan Buckley I don’t hate you but you are a kook and
@gabrielmedina fucking rips and there’s no denying that 🙂 and
@surfingmagazine please get a new editor
Who won the round? Who is more convincing? Maybe Joel Tudor? He
came screaming in off the sidelines and wrote:
@sunnygarcia I’ve hated everything about that magazine since
I was a child – they have told myself and @vans that longboarding
is not a legitimate style of wave riding to be in the pages of
their magazine! That was straight from the editors mouth —- flame
was notorious for being open about how much he hated longboards –
THAT MAG CAN EAT A DICK
No! Not Joel Tudor! In a surprise uppercut from the grave
Surfing‘s legendary and dead photo editor Larry “Flame”
Moore knocks out the competition and takes the whole feud!
Longboarders objectively stink so terribly that our very own
Derek Rielly has instructed his children to
shoot themon sight.
Did you see that coming? Did you see Flame standing victorious
at the end? That’s why I love these other mornings.
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A little Sammy Davis Jnr routine right in front of the
cliffs at Temples, Uluwatu…
Mason Ho Plays Chicken at Ulus!
By Derek Rielly
Artist and madman Mason Ho risks his slender limbs
in front of 300 foot-high cliffs…
Life is short. It is also pointless, absurd,
sad and, for quite a lot of it, plain wonderful. Twenty five short
steps from being spat out of mammy to the dirt being shovelled onto
your casket.
Therefore, when the noted shaper Matt Biolos suggested
BeachGrit might want to join him at the Uluwatu Surf
Villas during a shaping stint there recently, refusal,
I believe, would’ve been the mark of someone who didn’t
comprehend the brevity of existence. Words without experience
are meaningless, as they say.
One highlight of the vay-cay was the showing of episode one
of License to Chill. It’s a weekly series, filmed over the
last two years, of Mason Ho and pals (mostly Cheeseburger, but also
including Tom Curren and the rest of the Ho family) surfing around
the world. Every Monday, for eight weeks, Licence to Chill appears
on Surfline, with other outlets 48 hours
behind.
I knew the series was coming ’cause BeachGrit was in
talks to get exclusive first-run rights but we lost to
Surfline, as was obvious, and as we must.
The first episode is notable for a few things: Keoni
“Cheeseburger” Nozaki’s natural comedy routines (watch for his
pre-surf warm-up!), Tom Curren surfing Uluwatu on a bodyboard and
Tom and his son Pat’s outro jam.
But, the highlight, of this 17-minute edit, is Mason, this
artist, this madman, surfing the ledge around the corner from
Temples at Uluwatu, GoPro in his mouth, and playing chicken with
the 300-foot high cliffs. Oh, you little deadly demon!
