Just in: Jumbo Surfer Walks Free!

The toughest, craziest motherfucker alive?

A legal drama for the ages has come to a close. Mr James Scott Pellegrine, known to the world as Jimbo the jumbo surfer, pleaded no contest to reduced charges and is now a free man.

In our last instalment we saw two of three doctors state that Harrison Ford is wrong. The one armed man was not responsible!

Due to the severity of his injury Jimbo gets a pass on the, frankly, deplorable diatribe he unleashed on first responders transporting him to the hospital. Fair enough, the blood loss associated with limb loss would fuck up anyone. His ability to remain ambulatory long after having his left arm torn from his body by a passing tow truck is indicative of severe shock. Or just being the toughest craziest motherfucker alive. But that’s not a legal argument.

“’As part of the plea agreement, Pellegrine was acquitted of two felony counts of terroristic threatening — a class C felony — in the first degree after two out of three doctors concluded that his volitional and cognitive controls were impaired with the loss of his arm’, said Michael Soong, Pellegrine’s attorney.”

No word as to the result of the county’s appeal of the suppression of Pellegrine’s blood draw. If one were of a speculative inclination they’d wonder if it were withdrawn due to recent news in which KPD Sergeant Overmyer was caught red handed continuing the department’s policy of vampiring citizens sans warrant.

“’It’s a legal dilemma, a conundrum as they say,’ Breiner said. ‘Certainly police thought that they required a warrant, otherwise they wouldn’t have requested one from the judge. And separately, they decided the hell with it, because there’s this statute that says we can do this.’”

The final result of Jimbo’s plea deal landed him a $94 fine and thirty days in jail for “reckless driving of a vehicle and driving without a license — both petty misdemeanors.”

Because Pellegrine already spent more than a month locked up Judge Kathleen Watanabe is considering his time served. As long as he pays the $94 he can put the entire situation behind him and return to his life of… well, I’m not exactly sure what it is he does.