I actively seek it out. I love the thrill of a battle of wills.
I might find too much joy in confrontation. Actively seek it out. Love the thrill of a battle of wills.
Returned a busted laptop to Costco yesterday. It was a bottom of the line HP hunk of shit. Dropped $350 on it, didn’t expect it to last long at that price. Ordered a decent Asus to replace it last week. But it’s gotta go to LA first, thanks to restrictions on shipping lithium batteries to Hawaii.
Safety concerns or something. Amazon won’t send it to me, so it heads to my dad first. In-laws are bringing it out in a few weeks because I’m a cheap bastard. Care more about my money than their convenience.
Planned to make do with my hunk of shit ’til then. No big deal. Word processor, torrents, and porn delivery’s all I need. Thing worked fine for that.
So stoked when a hinge exploded. Two year extended warranty on laptops. Just had to call up the concierge service, email them some pics. Spend an hour on the phone talking the guy into approving a replacement, rather than repair. I need my computer, buddy. Can’t go without for a few weeks. C’mon, be a pal. Hook me up.
Sure thing! Just head down to the warehouse. I’ve approved a refund or replacement. It’s at the manager’s discretion.
Right on. New computer. I ain’t leaving without an upgrade.
Wife came with. Thought I’d end up in cuffs after making a scene. Not unlikely. There was an incident at Best Buy many years ago. But I’ve learned a lot since then. Don’t yell. Don’t threaten. Keep your volume low. Be the river. Slow, sure, obstinate. Wear them down, bit by bit.
Might’ve picked up the ability through surfing. Head down against a current. Slow progress until you’re where you want to be. Battle out through beach break bombs. Just grind and grind and grind.
Gotta fight my way past the returns lady. Sorry, I can only provide a refund.
I don’t want a refund, I want a new computer. Can I speak to your manager.
Sorry, I don’t have the authority to provide a replacement. Only the general manager does.
Can I speak to the general manager?
I’d won already. Head honcho’s a busy guy. Got better things to do than argue with me for hours. But I’ve got nowhere to be.
I can’t do it. The closest comparable laptop is $300 more than what you paid.
I can’t give upgrades on returns.
I just can’t.
You won’t. You say can’t, but you mean won’t. You could comp me the difference, but you won’t.
It isn’t policy.
You’re in charge. You make the policy.
I can’t do it. Every person…
Won’t. You won’t.
…Every person with a return wants more. I can’t do it for everyone.
I’m not asking you to do it for everyone. Just for me. Right now.
Back and forth. Back and forth. Forever and ever.
I love watching a man crack. So long as I don’t raise my voice, don’t insult him, he’s my captive. Can’t tell me to fuck off. Can’t have security escort me out. But he wants to, so bad. In his position I’d’ve lost it long ago. Which is why I’ve been fired from multiple retail jobs.
Look, I’ll give it to you for four hundred. You pay the difference plus tax.
No. I want a replacement. I know you can do it. Why are you making this so difficult?
He was so angry!
Left two hours after I’d arrived with a spring in my step, a smile on my face, and a box under my arm. What a victory!
Wife said good job. She enjoyed the show.
But I would have just paid the difference.
My time’s worth more than that. I need to get to work.
Hadn’t considered that. She’s a good lawyer. Her rate’s astronomical. By Kauai standards.
But my time’s worthless. And the experience was priceless.
And the warranty reset, so they’ll be seeing me again in a year or so.