Italo's 50-50 snowboard technique, Nat Young's ability to simplify and more!
Whatever you think of the Rio contest, it’s better than the purgatory of a lot of our lives.
I see a dazzling equatorial beach. I imagine girls whose indigenous features kung fu my abdomen, and whose system of sexual values is a reversal of the coin of promiscuity.
I see surfing so good, so wonderful, I honestly don’t think there’s enough syrupy adjectives to throw at ’em.
Four hours of staring at a phone screen while bouncing around in cars, inhaling cocktails, and everything else, yielded, from my point of view, these observations.
Italo: Surfs with a snowboarder’s fifty-fifty stance. The most naturally ambidextrous surfer on tour. The shaper who let me grab a room in his villa here on the cliffs on Uluwatu said you could tie a string from his cock and it would hang in a perfectly straight line. Italo moves faster, turn to turn, than any other surfer on tour. Not necessarily powerful but…electric. Room to grow in the rail game, if we’re going to be frank.
Filipe: Wasn’t trying big airs. Looked fast, solid, despite being out of the water for two-and-half months. Has the best weight-to-strength ratio on tour. Knows he doesn’t have to do anything extraordinary to get an eight-point ride and swing through the early rounds. With the swell dropping he’s going to be an absolute fucking nightmare for everyone.
Gabriel Medina: Do you feel, like me, that all it’s going to the to kick Gabriel into gear is one big score? One event win? If he wins one, he’ll get on a four-winning streak. No weaknesses. Frontside. Backside. Big. Small. Tubes. Whatever. Once he builds momentum he’s unbeatable.
Julian and Kolohe: Both of ’em looked confused, half asleep. Neither of ’em in the zone. Overconfidence? Maybe.
John John: In constrast to Julian and Kolohe, John John looked fired up. The waves didn’t come to him, but he squeaked a win.
Adriano: Looked great. But keeps losing these close battles. You could watch all his losing heats this year and understand they could’ve gone either way. Only lost to the wildcard replacement for Kelly Slater here ’cause of a last-minute wave.
Wilko: Kept looking for rights when the bank was a left.
Nat Young: Simplifies everything. Figures everything out then makes it real simple. Makes it easy on himself. Knows where to sit. How to surf. No head trips. He’s figured out the game. A staple top ten surfer for the next five years.
Oi Rio Pro Men’s Round 1 Results:
Heat 1: Filipe Toledo (BRA) 13.77, Kanoa Igarashi (USA) 11.60, Dusty Payne (HAW) 11.30
Heat 2: Leonardo Fioravanti (ITA) 14.30, Stuart Kennedy (AUS) 12.93, Gabriel Medina (BRA) 11.80
Heat 3: Davey Cathels (AUS) 12.00, Julian Wilson (AUS) 9.24, Deivid Silva (BRA) 7.43
Heat 4: Italo Ferreira (BRA) 16.50, Miguel Pupo (BRA) 10.86, Bino Lopes (BRA) 8.66
Heat 5: Marco Fernandez (BRA) 13.43, Jadson Andre (BRA) 11.57, Matt Wilkinson (AUS) 8.73
Heat 6: Lucas Silveira (BRA) 15.84, Adriano de Souza (BRA) 13.80, Keanu Asing (BRA) 13.74
Heat 7: Nat Young (USA) 15.04, Michel Bourez (PYF) 9.37, Alex Ribeiro (BRA) 5.83
Heat 8: Jordy Smith (ZAF) 12.37, Conner Coffin (USA) 10.83, Jack Freestone (AUS) 10.70
Heat 9: Adam Melling (AUS) 15.23, Jeremy Flores (FRA) 15.13, Josh Kerr (AUS) 15.04
Heat 10: Ryan Callinan (AUS) 15.53, Wiggolly Dantas (BRA) 13.44, Kolohe Andino (USA) 7.67
Heat 11: Alejo Muniz (BRA) 13.50, Adrian Buchan (AUS) 13.46, Sebastian Zietz (HAW) 12.77
Heat 12: John John Florence (HAW) 11.34, Caio Ibelli (BRA) 10.84, Matt Banting (AUS) 6.34
Oi Rio Pro Men’s Round 2 Match-Ups:
Heat 1: Adriano de Souza (BRA) vs. Bino Lopes (BRA)
Heat 2: Matt Wilkinson (AUS) vs. Deivid Silva (BRA)
Heat 3: Julian Wilson (AUS) vs. Dusty Payne (HAW)
Heat 4: Gabriel Medina (BRA) vs. Alex Ribeiro (BRA)
Heat 5: Jeremy Flores (FRA) vs. Jack Freestone (AUS)
Heat 6: Kolohe Andino (USA) vs. Matt Banting (AUS)
Heat 7: Sebastian Zietz (HAW) vs. Keanu Asing (BRA)
Heat 8: Caio Ibelli (BRA) vs. Jadson Andre (BRA)
Heat 9: Adrian Buchan (AUS) vs. Miguel Pupo (BRA)
Heat 10: Wiggolly Dantas (BRA) vs. Stuart Kennedy (AUS)
Heat 11: Josh Kerr (AUS) vs. Kanoa Igarashi (USA)
Heat 12: Conner Coffin (USA) vs. Michel Bourez (PYF)
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Man I’m just glad it’s on in the middle of the night where I am! However I do get a good hit of schadenfreude watching “the best on the planet” get pipped by a backwash!
If Nat Young is an example of a top ten surfer then the wsl really need to revise their judging criteria! I get it, he can do a backhand off the top!
Watch him surf in person. I’ll guarantee you retract that statement.
I’ve seen impressive footage of him freesurfing, but in competition mode he makes fanning look as daring as Dane, which brings us back to the wsl judging criteria, a criteria which rewards conservative boring backhand off the tops way too highly (italios nine point ride is a prime example). I shouldn’t blame Nat for surfing in a boring fashion if he is rewarded by the judges, but I’m not going to celebrate his success when he really can rip and chooses not to!
any footage of him freesurfing?
all free surf footy I’ve seen of him shows that crabby style up even worse.
I’m not sure what happened to a previous reply I posted, but you’ll have to forgive me if I appear to be repeating myself! I assume by seeing “Nat surf in person” you really mean “Nat freesurfing”. I have seen footage of him freesurfing and yes he can rip, but I haven’t seen anything other than boring backhand off the tops from him on righthanders, which he gets highly rewarded for. Not his fault, he is playing it smart, surfing to the wsl judging criteria, which is what I was really criticising, but yeah Nat Young in competition mode is the most boring surfer on the tour!
I have and it’s even more boring than his heats, especially if it’s under 5ft which will accentuate that horrible “Notre Dame hunchback” style… Even Andino is more interesting.
I’d love to have some of whatever you’re smoking.
slater & rosie were an item? now that’s a scoop!
come off it, Rosie would not soil herself so. have you no taste or sensibilities woman.
woman?
well the truth is I want to have sex with you, based on your Beachgrit posts, and since I am “cisgender” I was hoping you were a woman
So boringggggggggggggggg
The upvotes were when my thumb hit the “^” rather than the “view” button, but is that Jell-O Biafra or Frank Black?
Self portrait
Novel camera set up, then….you deserved the upvotes after all.
haven’t watched a heat but just clicked on that wave of Italos.
two pretty standard backside turns = a nine????? Alone and out of context that looked a high 6.
rest of the day must of been caca.
You just made me watch it too and I agree that was not a 9, I call a 7.
It’s obviously not a nine. But in the context of the waves previously surfed in that heat, it was indeed a 9. (This is my stock standard judging response to beachside critics at contests}
the rabbit hole of justifying unjustifiable judging.
I know! I cringe internally all the time.
But I do like to offer the ultra-passionate a chance to help out and judge afew heats… they never take it up.
what do you mean?
lets you and I judge a couple heats tonight and compare tomorrow.
what say you?
Nah, I know the outcome. We will get two different score sheets with variations of up to 2 points on the individual wave totals… that’s why they have 5 man judging panel and drop the lowest and highest scoring judges, then average out the rest… saves two dudes splitting hairs.
pussy
To be honest, I’ve got 3 episodes of the Game of Thrones to catch up on. That’s how little this event means to me and I go nutty for surf contests… Fucken sad state of affairs. But I’ll do a judge off for the final?
hahaha, I’m in the same boat. not meant as a dick swinging contest, just interested to see whether we got the same result as the judges.
I hear ya, probably should get everyone onboard to see how the common man results fare against the WSL machine. Derek’s lounging so theres a story in this for you LT?
about derek’s lounging?
unless he’s banging tranny hookers en masse it’s a non story
make something up. everyone else does. it’s good journalism.
I’m guessing that unless we all get issued ZoSea shares first we wont get the same result…
I wish I was you and had 3 episodes of Game of Thrones to catch up on.
where are your passion goggles?
You could have “bottom turn, followed by a half turn and a floater in the close out section” on repeat in the commentary booth and still call 95% of the waves accurately.
In all honesty if you’d of watched the other heats that 9 was actually a 14. Truly awful waves.
Truly sad conditions…. Worst thing about it is you know the judges will hand out 9s like candy for the next few rounds.
when you are an ‘italian stallion’, as the not so racist wsl commentary team like to put it, you get a 9 in the hope of being invited over for pizza, espressos, and a ride on a vespa.
hang on, that’s Leonardo Fioravanti!
Italo is brazilian. shit.
it’s all so confusing these brown people.
hows the surf at Ulus Dell?
Sportsbet doesn’t recognise this event. There’s clearly something fishy going on beneath the coconut oil slicked surface, and it ain’t edible.
Umm it’s called “don’t gamble on a contest in beachbreaks”
have to agree, I got smoked in round 1… Ladbrokes had a full market but Bet 365 & sportsbet didn’t give it any lip service.
I think Filipe’s not totally fixed yet. Still bothered mentally if not physically by that injury.
His injury only required a bit of Deep Heat and a vigorous rub down from his girlfriend. Filipe is by far the most skillful little bastard on tour but whats between the ears will always let him down. He’s about as tough as semen saturated tissue paper.
give you a little design tip on The Ferrari , his bds are faster , here at Timmy pattersons and saw how much faster his bd design is!!!!
You love this “bds” abbreviation don’t you mate. Maybe you should re-brand to Boards by Maurice and abbreviate it to BDSM.
and you, mister, win the internet today, congratulations…
it’s an ol ‘ trade thing us shapers have been doing for a long time , its called Lazy LOL …..oh fuck did I really just LOL …..
Sorry mate. I’ll try harder next time.
Is that like VSTR? If Maurice does that I’m fucken bailing.
Can you make me a board that’s fast but loose, light but strong with a good trade in price ready for pick up in 10 days?
I saw my first mongoloid on a Slater Designs Sci-Phi last Saturday. I took no prisoners. Burned him alive.
Congratulations Wigg!! you are now officially BeachGrits “Top Commentator” according to the Disqus robots.
Thanks Negs!! What an honour! You’re trying to hurt my feelings though right?
Depends on how you look at it Wigg. If Beachgrit hits the big-time you’ll be proudly telling the grandkids about how once you ruled the web.
Personally, it just means i’m now the second biggest time waster here… cheers.
Did you ever watch Hey, Hey It’s Saturday while in Straya (or maybe it aired in NZ)? I feel like my role at BeachGrit is akin to that annoying little Dickie Knee cunt who just pops up all the time to bother the guests. I’m sure he wasn’t on the pay roll.
just can’t wait for caveira to know that you prince of bg now, mate…
What happened to their Bromance?
wiggs’ giving cavvy the silent treatment, must be hormonal or something…
You don’t agree that ignoring him has made STAB a much more pleasant environment? His mind exploded when everyone kept calling him my bitch so he had to break his own heart by becoming my enemy in order to protect his reputation. Who would’ve known this comment section would become so emotional. I’m becoming one of those fat computer nerd dweebs. Real neck beard stuff. I’m just a frustrated writer or thespian stuck in a 9 to 5.
thespian, really? idk which of ya could have the more fucked-up mind… hahahaha
I got them looks.
I rest my case…
Hahaha Caveira got cloned look on STAB Gabe Medina’s Samsung Board article
wiggolly! what have you become …
Hahaha jesus that’s grim. But very confronting and real.
Don’t give the seagull any bread
How about we give him aspirin? You ever seen that before. Horrible cruelty.
lucky you didn’t ban him.
Ouch.
oh now i can’t get one. i need to stay in wiggolly’s cool books. i have plans for us wiggolly!
Hey if you can surf by all means go for it.
not me , but sitting here with Timmy , is one week too quick?
What would I do without the weeks of disappointment for it to be finally ready during the first flat spell in 2 months?
its only the first round lets not get too excited
Joe Turpel: In contrast to Pottz, he prefers to ride cock than bend over.
Pretty even-handed write-up overall, good job! Have a couple Bintangs and then write us the slutty jealous version…
since when was ‘even-handed’ ever a ‘good job’. poor, burnsy. worked in the sycophantic incestuous ‘surf media’ for too long.