Modom feat. Sharbanz has a magical deterrent! Maybe no one gets hurt! Maybe!
I have been on the sidelines of surf hardware brand Modom’s new anti-shark leash feat. Sharkbanz because I am, like most of my religious brothers and sisters, a fatalist. If a shark nips me while surfing then it is God’s will. Nothing but nothing can change my fate.
Christian fatalism is, overall, a wonderful thing and I highly recommend. The bravest, and therefore best, things I have done in my life have been done under the banner of heaven. Hail Mary’s give you wings!
But back on earth and Modom’s new anti-shark leash feat. Sharkbanz, our own Rory Parker has done a very good job debunking the science behind the claims by speaking with an actual scientist. The “magnetic technology” employed smacks of PowerBalance’s “holographic technology” or Donald J. Trump’s “wealth technology.” And the scientist agreed, saying, “…weak magnetic fields do not inherently repel sharks.”
It was all amusing to me but nothing more until I saw the price. Did you know Modom’s new anti-shark leash feat. Sharkbanz costs $180.00 in the United States of America and $250.00 in Australia?
$180.00!
$250.00!
My religious brother and sisters have a phrase for that. Fleecing the flock!
I’ve thrown myself into blazing gun battles, run toward exploding bombs and gleefully laughed while being chased by Al-Qaeda because I really and truly believe what I profess to believe.
And if Modom is charging $180.00 in the United States of America and $250.00 in Australia for their anti-shark leash feat. Sharkbanz then they should believe what they profess to believe enough to throw their surf team in a tub filled with bull sharks.
I think it is very fair, though unfortunate. I like Taj Burrow, Jack Freestone, Craig Anderson and Mark Mathews very much. I’m sure Kalani David is a decent man, Noah Beschen has great DNA and a good Instagram feed and Alana Blanchard has the same.
No bad eggs in the bunch and so I will let them be apostates if they choose. But the rest should buy the ticket and take the ride. Belief is a glorious adventure!
Lawsuit waiting to happen for this company. Won’t even take a shark bite either. Some kook from Nebraska will buy it in flordia or something, see a shark within like 20 yards of them freak the fuck out and sue. I’ll give them a year before it happens
i like the modom team excluding Tom Whitaker.
Perhaps your best short work to date Mr. Smith. A joy from start to finish. Now let’s toss them all in, see what’s what.
I can’t wait for a movie review from someone at BG who forces themselves to sit through that new shark movie with blake lively. It looks so unbelievably bad. I bet that thing will detour more than a few people from surfing. Hopefully. Kelly Slater is probably involved in the funding of that film, trying to repair some of the damage his wave wizards will cause on lineup numbers in the future. Or not, it could just be hollywood trying to cash in on mick almost getting mauled and eaten by whitey on live fucking television. Vultures.
i hate that band.
WSL’s Jbay Promo Clip of Mick Fanning overlaid by “We were always coming back”. WSL are funny fuckers.
Almost, but not as good as, “You can’t script this”. Who is the media genius at WSL coming up with this gold?
Part of your dreams come true! Craig is sponsored!
I find the name sharkbanz to be repellent. I will not come within 1m of such a gimmick
I use monster energy & DC stickers on my boards to repel sharks.
And women!
What’d Ryan Callinan do to you?
Is Jeremy Flores also a part of the team? If so, you may have my blessing.
Update: I see the answer is “no,” as he rides for the Almighty (aka FCS)!
So, do you think it works, Chas?
Maybe!
It better, because if it doesn’t, they’re going to get sued to the shithouse from said purchaser/shark victim! I wonder if there is a disclaimer on the packaging “Only suitable in controlled test conditions”
It doesn’t matter if it doesn’t work! How many surfers are attacked by sharks each year? I will tell you. In Australia, it is a long term average of less than 4. The Aust Bureau of Stats estimates that there are around 260,000 regular surfers in Australia. I think that gives an Australian surfer a .000384615% chance of being attacked by a shark in the next year. The corresponding chances of you also being a wearer of the Modom Sharkbanz legrope are, let’s face it, even more crazily tiny. They might be at some risk from the ACCC as Jade mentions, but Powerbands were sold here for a long time without interference from our consumer guardians.
Nobody will sue because there’ll be no reason to sue.
Hang the fuck on why am I writing a free article for Beachgrit? jesus christ.